THE WEEKEND IS OVERRRR.

cheers to a new week, and cheers to tomorrow being the last day of january. i had a stupid bad luck streak for january.. getting my jacket stolen.. my second winter jacket zipper breaking, my third back up winter jacket burned by someone's cigarette.. getting my timbs covered with cigarette ash.. having some drunk broad bite me.. losing $20.. crashing into a fence on my birthday.. a credit card mix up with my xm radio.. shit getting stolen, things getting lost. so. with that said, peace to january. & peace to the bad luck streak, hopefully. i've done a good job of not letting all of the above get to me, maybe a few tears here and there.. but i've certainly pushed forward with the positive energy.. and that ladies and gents, feels fucking great. hey monday.. let's begin.

MOTHER FUCKER IT'S SNOWY.

SILENT SAM, EVERYTHING BUT SILENT.

secret's out, my real name's jessica. don't tell anybody though!

A 20TH MOMENT WITH BOTCH.

i just ate left over lasagna, butter chicken, curry and cheese spinach, and naan bread. if anyone wants to take me to a food challenge, i'm ready. woulda topped that meal off with cake, if i had any. damn this bachelor pad, my fridge needs some stock.
cudder and i are on that "we need a vacation really, really, really bad" tip. we've been ripping each other's heads offs with "mother fucker it's too cold!" and "will you pick up your shit?!".. i think it's healthy for a little disagreement here and there.. but we certainly passed the bar on health. we did some pretty hurtful things to each other.. i never wanted to be that couple that "breaks up" a hundred times. & i'm trying to be more understanding. we're SO DIFFERENT FROM EACH OTHER.. sooooo different. it's insane. & when i tell people that, they're all "but you both like hip hop and sneakers".. well lemme tell you, the two of those things might be the only things we have in common.
i don't mind that we're so different. i think it's insanely hard trying to understand the other person's thoughts and reasonings.. and in fact, sometimes upon reaching our level of "I'M SORRY, I LOVE YOU, LETS NEVER FIGHT AGAIN, EVER!", we still don't understand. & i think that's just the way it is sometimes. you might not get the other person's ideas, or opinions, but you learn to deal with it in a way that keeps both parties at a sane level. it's a love/hate relationship, but that's a thug's nature !
aside from the tearing of each other's throats, i've been working my ass off. i'm really trying to meet my money goals, and that's hard sometimes. especially when every day all i think about is school and getting my ass on a fuckin airplane to some sort of music festival. i don't think a day passes by without me thinking "where would i like to go next?". i'm glad that's one of the things scarborough and i have in common !
there's so many things i'd like to say to you that i won't say yet.. even though you ask me on the basis to the extremities of a thousand trillion. sometimes you just gotta let me do this on my own time. i'm always late, and so are my words. let me choose them at the right times kid. p.s. i love you.
all i wanna do these days is waaatchh movies alllll night, and sleeeeppp all day.. and like.. eat. haha/
i'm seriously thinking about moving across the hall. a work in progress. i just can't stand my tiny ass closet anymore.. but i also won't be able to smoke there. damn you morals.
i want some fuckin' red velvet cake right nowwwww. this weather is fuckin' dope. anyone down for the beach ?! SERIOUSLY! zippidy doo dah bitches, zippidy doo dah.


my name is botch, & this, is my blog.

YUMYUM.

i'm reeeaaalllllyyy weiird. i mean, i think i'm like, half normal, half weird. there are a lot of weird things that get the engine running when it comes to .. boys. i fucking love boys. boys, i do adore.. & i've been asked this before, so i thought i'd make a 25 out of it.. i figure you'll be able to understand what i mean once you read a few.. i'm also pretty sure i might have done this as a 25 already.. but if i did, i'm sure there are some new ones.. anyways, on with it.

25 "OH YEAHHH, DO THAT, DO THAT, DO DO THAT THAT THAT"'S

1. CHEWING GUM
ohhh yeahhh. you chew that gum. haha. you represent your teeth whilst making your breath fresh. loooove when a dude's chewing gum, it shows he's clean, and when i make out with him, it'll be a blast.. OF FRESHNESS! this probably comes from my love of teeth (i'm pretty fucking psycho when it comes to teeth)

2. SHOVELING
yeah. shoveling. i honestly.. don't know. hahaha.. but when i see a guy doing a guy thing.. i get all sorts of excited.

3. INSTALLING SHIT
my ex was the one who installed my faucet in my old kitchen.. i like dudes that can handle the home. if you can handle the home, i feel secure. construct shit! plumb shit! hook up my tv! hook up my computer!

4. INFORMATIVE SON OF A GUNS
thiiiis happens all the time with the cudder. whenever we're in a boutique or whatever.. or even in a barber shop in new york city.. dudes will have full on conversations with him about music or shoes.. and i'm all for it. guys with interests, and full on conversation of intellect and said interests.. yo, you don't even need to pay attention to me. have your conversation, i'm drooling in the corner and it's not that attractive. we'll talk latah!

5. SUITS
OH. MY. GOD. there's this business man who i seriously see at least twice a week en route to school/work.. and he is always dressed in these nice ass suits, i don't know what the fuck he does.. he could be an assistant for a garbage bag company.. who knows.. what i do know is, button downs and fancy occasions are definitely something i fancy.

6. PLAY THAT SONG
HAHA! WAIT! before you say, "oh botcho, you fucking groupie!" let me just say this.. IT ISN'T ABOUT FAME, PEOPLE! i loooveeee a dude, who's TALENTED. talent is the best fucking attribute you could have. i love myself a dj, or a bass player, or a drummer, or a singer, or whatevs. you know, if you have a love for something and it runs that deep.. i am intrigued and want you to play me your everythaang.

7. BOOKS
if you are reading a novel and i see you, i will probably look at you for five minutes.

8. CITY BOYS
i have zero sense of direction.. so when a dude takes control and takes me places, guides me, and has a sense of the city.. it's yumyum.

9. SMOKERS
i know, this one's horrible.. but i love watching a dude smoke. i know that's disgusting.. so maybe i'll say, it's only a turn on if you only have like a cigarette when you're in my presence hahah. it's that whole, yeah i'm a smoker, hate me, i could give a fuck attitude.

10. LONERS
huuuge turn on when you see a dude in the bar, and he's by himself. i like independent dudes that don't need anyone but themselves. hmmazing.

11. MUSIC LOVERS
if you're bobbin your head to your headphones, you win. you win first prize if it's any sorts of good hip hop.

12. CHUNKY HUNKIES
i know that seems off because all my exes and current boyfriend are skinny, but i like meat just as much as skinny guys. that way it don't hurt too much when my hands are diggin into your back ;) not like rick ross status, more like .. nas status. WHAT! it's true. oh nas, you're so perfect.

13. MESSY EATERS
you're hungry, you don't give a fuck, it works for me.

14. PANTS PAST THE BUM
girls all the time complain about this, i hear it from girls all the time.. a friend of mine was complaining about it this weekend.. she was all "yeahhh.. but he wears his pants kinda low, like.. you can see his underwear". when did this become bad?! i love bums, so maybe that's why it's justified for me.. but fuck those girls dudes. i mean, ALL the way past your bum is a little exco/stitches/wannabe, BUT, if your pants ride a little low and you're wearing underwear that doesn't have smiley faces or a hockey team on it.. i'll cheer for you.

15. INTO MOVIES
i remember when i first started dating this guy, and one of my girls asked "so what'd you guys do" and i said, "we watched transformers".. and she goes "you guys didn't like.. do dinner or nothing!?" and i was all, "no, he was really into transformers!".. and the girl came at me like, "maybe he's not into you". lol, shut the fuck up with that shit.. i like when a dude is seriously into a movie. it shows he can pay attention.. i myself HAAAAAAAAAAATTTEE when someone talks too much during a movie.. so shut the fuck up for a second, this is my first time seeing this.

16. DOG LOVERS
whenever i see a dude playing with his dog, or my dog, it makes my heart sing.

17. COOKS
i looove food.. and i loove it even more when it's home-cooked, and when it's made for me!

18. CLEAN FREAKS
if you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom, brush your teeth twice a day, shower every day, and get haircuts on the reg, you pass the test. line ups are a win. so are clothes that aren't wrinkled. i personally only shower when i'm in the mood, so all boys should be extra clean haha.

19. HAIR PULLING AND BITING
i won't add a description for that one.

20. A LITTLE COCKINESS
i honestly like when a dude is a LITTLE cocky, and a LITTLE rude. enough to know that they're not the shit, they're not god-sent, but they do deserve more than plain cheesecake. throw some strawberries on that shit.

21. GUYS WITH CUT UP HANDS
i like a few cuts and bruises here and there.. it shows they work hard, and they're a hands-on person. not like bloody stitches or anything.. but a few minor slips on the hand are wonderrfullll.

22. SWEAT
what. yeah. seriously. i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate body odour.. but when a guy has some minor sweating during working out/ gettin it in/ bboying hahah.. when it came from something sexy, i find it sexy.

23. MOMMA'S BOYS
i don't appreciate a dude being dependent on their mom.. but i do appreciate a dude who kisses their moms cheek in public.. who calls their mom on the regular.. who gives money to their mom.. seeing a dude take care of his mom is probably my number one turn on when it comes to guys.

24. WRITERS
will the dan humphrey's of this world please come forward and share their latest writings with me?! i just wanna be wooed!

25. WELL-DRESSED
this is number two on my list.. even if it falls as 25.. i don't care what your style is.. if you're well dressed, i'm watching you.. and biting you in my head.

SORRY EXCUSE.

NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT. NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT.
NEVER LET YOUR AUDIENCE SEE YOU SWEAT.

PULL YOUR SHOES UP.

YOU KNOW, I KNOW. SO GO FIND ANOTHER SUCKER YO, I BEEN THERE AND BEEN DONE THAT BEFORE, AND DON'T NEED IT NO MORE. THAT'S, MY, WORD.

SYNTIFIK SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY.

here's what you guys asked.. except, that you didn't ask.. but here's what i was, sent? haha.

No question, just a statement: you are incredible. I wish I could be just as passionate as you when you write.
this is the best thing/comment that has happened to me this year. thank you for making my january a little more pleasant.

hi..all i like
.. hi? haha

thanksss for the good vibes..! so what chu waiiiiitin fooor.. ask.. or TELL me ANYTHING! xoxo

MICHAEL CERA.

sooooooooo..


i think i have the biggest crush on michael cera known to man. seriously. soo. fucking. attractive. nick & norah's infinite playlist has officially become my daydream time. YOOOOO!!!!!! MICHAEL CERA! & in scott pilgrim vs. the world. i watched both in a one week time span.. and i also watched nick and norah twice.
HOW CAN ANYONE NOT LOVE HIM!?

i personally love the "blow dryer" scene.. my best guy friends always do that to me, and i get happy goosebumps upon thinking about it.. but not the same kind of goosebumps i get while thinking about michael cera!! ;)

YO.

could get it.

YOU INSIST TO IMITATE, WHAT FOR?

THE ROOTS - CLONES
this song fucking owns. & so does this video, i'm surprised i haven't posted it yet. avenues of hip hop, ohhh yeaahhh.

A LOT OF PEOPLE JUST CAN'T TAKE IT WHEN ANOTHER BROTHER MAKES IT.

ED O.G. & DA BULLDOGS - LOVE COMES & GOES
the money matter, and not the life.

SANDY KIM.

sandy kim is currently my favorite photographer. i really enjoy people watching, and i love the nitty gritty realness of it too.. sandy kim doesn't hold anything back in these photos.. and it works in wonderful ways.. unless you're kind of offended by sex or vomit.. then i suggest you leave this one immediately (pussies).



























you can check out more from sandy kim, HERE.

KIM JONG-IL, LOOKING AT THINGS.

you can always count on kim, to cheer you up.. and if that sentence doesn't work for you.. i'm sure him looking at things will definitely work. lead on, leader.

25 LOOKS

looking at rubber boots.


looking at candy


at an octopus


at toys


at mineral water


at a map


at wood


at eggs


at a boat


at food


at a radish


at corn


at wheat


at cows


at buckets


at shoes


at girls


at fish


at crackers


at stones


at snow


at aquariums.


at gum


at desktops



"okay. looks good" *on to next location*

source

A 19TH MOMENT WITH BOTCH.

I'M SOUL SEARCHIN', I'M SOUL HURTIN..

today, i'm sad. i'm pretending not to be sad. i think i fooled most, only two people guessed i was. tomorrow i'm taking the day just.. to be sad. i feel like being sad is okay sometimes.
if shit happens, and it upsets you. fuck it, let it upset you for awhile. i'm not gonna let it eat me, but i won't bottle it up either. whaaatttttt theee fuuucckkkk is going onnnn.. can i just make up my mind already..!

i went for a swim today.. i haven't swam for a year now, so it felt really good.. but i am also reeeally sore. when i was a kid, my dad built a pool in our yard. a decent size pool, 8 ft deep. i would swim from the time i woke up, til it was time for bed. i couldn't help but bring back past memories in the pool today. i envisioned him in my head too many times, and it huuurt.. but it also felt good. like a re-connecting type feeling.
people don't listen to me. i mean, they hear me.. but they really don't listen. i feel like everyone i try to talk to about me, interrupts me two seconds in and turns my stories into something about them. & when i try and take it back, they get offended. like hello, you stole my thunder.. which makes me just want to be alooone. i just need alone time.
no one gets it. they think it's easy.. and i wanna challenge everyone on that. i want to take everyone and place them here. right here.. and see how well they handle it. i make it look easy.. and fuck if that's cocky, i do. i make it look fucking easy.. but it's not.

i don't wanna complain about it either. i don't. i don't like when people take one sad moment and take it as a sign of weakness, or "baby-ness", for a lack of a better term. i put up with a lot of fucking shit.

i smell like chlorine. i'm out of cigarettes. i want to sleep all night and all day.. and let my mind wander.. sometimes all you need is a day, you know. a day just to say "fuck everything" before you get back up again.

i hate people who step out of my life, and then wander in when they need me.
fuck outta here with that shit. you in-considerate fucks.

i'm a nice person, really.. i am. aren't i?

i just wanna cry.

mom says to never cry.

i love her. why can't i be more like mom!? why can't i be this strong woman who takes everything with stride?! why do i gotta take people's shit?! why do i take their shit?! why do i let people run me over. being such a mouthy and strongly opinionated person, you'd think i'd have the fucking balls to be like "you know what, no. you're wrong. fuck you!".. and i guess i do.. but some days i don't.. and some days.. that fucking kills me..

and i feel like all of this is coming out as a blurb .. as shit that doesn't make sense.. and that's because i can't figure it out. i can't fucking figure it out.. i don't even know what i'm REALLY feeling, it's just not a good one, and i just don't like it. there.

i just don't like it.

i. just. don't. like. it.

so what?! here. nothing.
sit.
type.
repeat.

try and say what you're thinking and feeling without having people think you're fucking psychotic.. but back-track. that's not what this is for, this is for me.

chin up. head strong. be okay tomorrow. just.. be okay.

i don't even wanna really .. i just.. i just want.. something. i just want something. i won't say what something is, not even sure if i REALLY know what something is, but i'll say that i want it.. and i'll do everythingin my power, to get it.. if.. i know how.

& if anyone reads this wrong, fuck you.

my name is botch, & this.. is my blog.. or some shit.

KEEP YOUR WINTER BEATERS ON A HUMBLE LIKE..

i know, we nice. so nice, you have to say it thrice, like.. beetlejuice, beetlejuice, botch, lex.. psyche.

MIXTAPE MONDAY

KID SISTER - KISS KISS KISS

it's been awhile since i've listened to kid sister.. i had the opportunity to check out her show (GET THIS, for FREEEEE!) &i bailed on it last minute cause i was sick. whoops. i can honestly say the opening did not impress me. i was like "ew, yuck, no thanks".. but i'm not sure if that's because it's bad or if it's because i haven't listened to her in ages.. theeennnn the second track rang in.
OH YEAH OH YEAH! i'm pretty sure this is the kind of tune that runs my brain.. like background music for your thoughts. fun thoughts. sexy thoughts. those kinds of thoughts.
OMYGAHHDDD. i wanna go dancing. i walked into my room, and it was just a disaster. that kinda shit makes me not wanna be home, freal lol.. when my place is messy, you know i'm never home.. cause i just don't like living in it.. so i just get dressed, don't look at it, and bounce. swaying away from the topic of messy-ness, this tape isn't.
kid sister is damn well entertaining. she's fun in so many ways.. and if this shit doesn't get you dancing in your seat, it will definitely get you all sorts of excited. her voice has that kinda voice that you wanna grab out the speaker and just start making out with her.. believe me it's good shit.

CAN I TAKE YOU HOME, CAN I, CAN I TAKE YOU HOME? BOY YOU KNOW YOU WRONG, BOY, BOY, BOY YOU KNOW YOU'RE WRONG.

beats are lovely, catchdubs does the mixing well, and it's kid sister. kid sister is always a rocking time, and new stuff from her is fucking grrrreeeattt. i'm just gonna shut the fuck up and start dancing in my seat. 3/5 though, only for that shitty intro.. and for some of the techno singing.. ew. me no likey. BUT OTHER THAN THAT, it's GOOOLD, fool's gold, i should say ;)

that was poissibly the shittiest non-review i've ever done. eat me.

WELCOME TO MY CITY LIFE.

mom's a stunnah, and dad's superman, forever.

THE HOLY FUCKING SHIT PIECE!

i just got one of the most touching e-mails, i have ever received ever. & i'm going to share it without sharing the sender. not to ruin the honesty of the sender either, i'm going to keep his name completely anonymous because.. AT TIMES IN YOUR LIFE, where you say things that you feel like you've said, or feel like you should say, but you haven't.. and then you do. you know, word vomit. there comes a time when such beautiful and honest moments put you in a place where for a second, your heart thumps, and you're at peace knowing just how great you have effected some people.. to even think of effecting anyone at all.. the feeling is one that's completely un-explainable, and i'm cool with that.

after reading this, i immediately cried, and my hands would not stop shaking.. and that's not in a bad way either.. i just.. have never been this touched before. this is the most beautiful piece i have ever read, greater than most literature, and i've read a shit load of books.. so you know that i mean it. i am so thankful that this person NOT ONLY, has graced my life, but that i have had such an effect on him. he's a part of me forever, and i'm very.. not shocked, not baffled, not speechless, but inspired.. to continue to keep this relationship forever.. if not for the sake of him, but for the sake of me. to better ourselves the only way we know how.. through words.. hit the jump.

did you ever see my slick ass suit?

I can fit you inside it now while wearing it myself, it's like a suit for two so long as the second person is fairly dante(unless you like, aren't the girl I remember if you know what I mean ;)) and it was snug and the buttons were useless when I got it, the top one would close until I ate something.

Im just idk, motivated to doo stuff im feeling benevolent as fuck, I feel like a bliss that can only be achieved when you are close to overdosing and just don't care anymore, and im not doing no overdosing.

I dont want to sound lame but I owe you everything, you were sometimes a bitch to me as I was to you but you were the downest person in my life ever and on most days you were the most beautiful girl I'd see. It's like our lives got busy nott being able to chill 24/7 partying and bullshit style even though my parties are weak sauce, they never were Botcho was there. I feel like jay z without a billion dollars, like I shouldn't be here like some illvey shit blossoming from nothing. I was convinced I didn't even have the building blocks anymore to do anything until I met you. NO one ever had the same ratio of awesomeness to epic fucking whore fail as you. You took me from bitter fucking asshole who hated the world who couldn't feel much at all (and I did) to depressed as fuck (sleeping all fucking day everyday) to recovering from everything I put through myself to feeling like im flossing like Rick Floss Boss Belly Moss. You helped me not kill people I was sure I would kill maybe a coupe nights myself, you made me wonder with the puzzles you left me and I may still wonder about some of them and I usually consider myself a problem solver. You taught me how to be fair at least sometimes but you taught me that life isn't going to be fair to me always, you told me things in confidence I would never betray knowing I did things that left me in a state where I didn't know where I was. You put up with those states and brushed the dirt off my shoulders. You telling me things made me feel horrible about my nature I almost thought you hated me for a while and it was painful but they were growing pains.

^ THAT was all shit you should know without me telling you, and if you didn't I wish I didn't have the social inhibitions I have.

Some shit I don't even know if I believe - You sometimes make me question rational science and the fabric of logic. I don't know how many times I'd be thinking a less than positive thought and you out of no where grab the bitch by the neck and turn it around and strangle that fish into a positive thought. You have a aura that surrounds you I wish we were neighbors and some how didn't piss each other off, I don't think I'd get off a bus and run after Cameron Diaz and Natalie Portman if they were tied up rolling down a hill in a wheel chair the same way I'd run after you just to see if it was actually you with the green hair and if we can in fact get a coffee or a slice of pizza.

You step up like no ones business.

You tell me I'm fucking brilliant, and somehow I'm humbled?

If I found out I was schizophrenic and you didn't exist, god or some sort of all powerful force would have to exist, you're not god but no one is but you're trying really hard and not doing a bad job.

If I was a billionare, I'd learjet to whatever partt of the globe you were inhabiting to get you a coffee, so long as you have enough time to sit down with me for a coffee, and maybe a stoogie.

----

Right now, I feel amazing, confused, overwhelmed, tried, and to some extent I feel like I'm being proven, earning my keep er, my right to power if I ever was in power.

If I'm given all the time in the world, which as far as I'm concerned I have, nothing will keep me from being in close proximity to you. I'm doing things right now, things I knew I would do, it might take 5 years but then I'll be playing around again for the rest of my life.

Sometimes, I thought how will I ever keep this girl close to my heart forever? Marriage is so unconventional especially when I just want to secure a place in your heart, if something ever happened to me, I'd become a legacy of sorts, a meme under the most unfortunate circumstances.

You're the first person I ever loved, and you allowed me to love other people but never in the same way. You completed me, no homo. If your boyfriend reads this, tell him I don't want to boff you and I'm just psychopathic and possibly schizophrenic or just don't let him read it in the first place.

Don't take this the wrong way, this should all have been said a million times over in bits and pieces slowly but I don't feel like you've ever been appreciated by me the way I wish you knew you were. If that makes sense.

May some benevolent and omnipotent being if one exists bless your kind soul.

sometimes, the biggest moments in life, can be summarized in words. no matter how big, no matter how small.. words hit, and it's the most amazing times that make this life.. absolutely........ botch.

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN ASKING ME LATELY?!

OOOOOOOOH, YEAH.
it's syntifik sunday, and here's what you've asked me as of late..

yo got a New Years Resolution?
i do! click HERE

honestly, you make a big impression on me and i'm constantly inspired by your posts. would i be able to quote you on my blog? i'll make sure to have a link to your blog if i do.
you are the sweetest thing! i never get asked to be quoted, so you really boosted my ego! thanks, and yeah definitely! it will mean so much more than the regular people who steal shit off me and pretend it's theirs ! lol.. send me the link to your blog. i'd love to check it.

do you still blaze? if so, how often would you say?
nope! i used to though, major, i blazed every day for like a year.. and before that at least once a week.. but not anymore, i guess i just kind of grew out of it.

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! ASK ME ANYTHING!

HAPPY SATURDAY NIGHT.

leave your worries at the door, cuz it's saturday.. night.

GIRLS CAN DO IT TOO.

NEVER THIS THOUGH, never that.