BECAUSE THE INTERNET..

IT'S COLD.

It's so cold out, that your eyelashes get ice crystals on them once you're outside, then they stick together. Your scarf has ice on it from your breath and turns damp once you get inside. As soon as you approach your destination you think, "I CAN'T CARRY ON, I WON'T MAKE IT". Your thighs sting, you can't feel your feet, and your hands are useless..

This weather has definitely put me in hibernation mode. I haven't been partying, I've stayed sober for more than a month now. Which is cool, everyone needs a break sometimes.. but I am so fucking bored. I want to go out and listen to good music and high five all my friends, now I don't necessarily need alcohol to do that, but my schedule hasn't even allowed it. I'm tired at 10 pm. I've been working six days a week. The errand list never gets finished.

How much do I complain about this?! Haha. Prolly too much. Listen, I'm not super mad about it. I'm just a little exhausted. I never feel like you should party unless you worked hard to deserve it. Partying is a reward. It's a break from the hard work. Unless you're like, constantly getting belligerent and doing drugs and stuff, then you should just go get a job and organize yourself.

Wow, this entry is going to so many places. What was my point?

Oh yeah, it's cold and stuff, so I'm in hiding mode.. but I miss y'all and will appear soon. Keep a beer cold for me. Thanks byyyyyeeeeeee!

Life is sad and people are mean.
The past few days have been crap.
This weather is giving me the blues.
I just wanna be left alone.

I think that's the introvert in me. It's not even that I'm ridiculously sad. I'm just fed up. Everyone wants my help but no one wants to help me. You're not even asking if I need help. Cuz like. I really do. I'm busy.
Cinderelly, Cinderelly. Fuck y'all, I'm hiding under my blanket until this week is over.

If you bring me hot chocolate or pizza, we're cool though.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO DO STUFF?

Are you like me? Are you never doing laundry and living in a chaotic mess? Are you breaking hearts un-intentionally? Do you get super wasted and wake up the next morning wondering if you're in the right city? Do you lose your debit card/keys/wallet at least once a year? Do you answer your texts hours later, days later? Are you always un-aware of what day it is? Do you forget plans? Do you buy more clothes just because you haven't done laundry? Do you order take out every day and never go to the gym? Do you have un-finished projects? Have you thought up ideas but haven't started them? Are you reading three books at the same time and confusing them? Do you own a black lab? Have you lost your license then found it then lost it again? Have you ever drove a car into the ditch because you were too focused on numbers of an address? Are you un-sure of things? Did you break your glasses a month ago but still haven't gotten new ones? Have you ripped over ten pairs of contacts? Do you change your mind all the time? Are you always judging others while trying to be less judgmental? Do you have back pain all day? Have you completely lost your mind?

WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.. then we've got just the product for you!!




It's called booze. Just give me booze. and maybe some pizza?

THROUGHOUT MY DAY:

*morning time*

I CAN'T GET OUT OF BED WHY IS THE WORLD SO COLD!

*an hour later*

Uggghhh coffeee, pleaseeeee, coffeeee.

*few hours later*

WORK BE OVER SO I CAN SLEEP.

*couple hours later*

Can't sleep now or you'll ruin your sleep cycle, must stay awake.

*interwebz*

Okay totes time for bed.

*dinner, brush teeth, get ready for bed*

WIDE AWAKE.

#thecycle

JUST KEEP SHINING.

If someone who didn't know me asked me what life was like, I'd say, "I work my ass off then mellow out and have solo dance parties at music festivals a lot". This one I attended with my grandma, she didn't mind the naked people all over the place, and she loved my pink boots. So I really know where my inner music hippie came from.

An eclectic mix of music. Bluegrass, reggae, electronic, hip hop, rock. A little poppy, but worth every cent. $25 for a weekend?! Not to mention my uncle put on an excellent firework show!

More deets after the jump.

INSTAGRAMMED.

This is what a busy life looks like! Full of food, art projects and pets. I know it's technically not Friday, but I haven't done a photo friday post in a while!

HOW THE FUCKY?!

A mandatory class. A mandatory class which you essentially need to complete the semester. A one time class. Five hours of your life. The class is on October 24, 2012. Your semester ends November 5, 2012. Fucking sounds easy as shit, right?
Your class is cancelled. They tell you five hours before you have the class to make sure you can't get into the others because they're all full.

I'll tell you what that is! TONS OF FUN. It's also kind of wack.

So should I just drop out now, or walk out wih my pants down, my hands in the air, asking, "WHO WANT IT!"?

STUFF THAT HAPPENED TODAY..

I woke up at 7:45 AM. My alarm was set for 5 AM. I couldn't stop hitting the snooze. It was set for 5 AM so I could study for a final I had at 9 AM. Worst case scenario. Got stuck in traffic. A girl yelled at me, "What is your problem, bitch?!". Goodness, it's Friday, lady. Calm down. When I went to Tim Horton's to grab a coffee, a bird pooped on my arm. I walk into class at 9:20, 20 minutes late.. but eureka! I mixed my classes up, which meant my actual final was at 1:00 PM.
Ended up writing my final, with a final grade of 92%. Like a boss, that's how we do. I had a piece I had to write in another class so I went to go write it. I figured since the piece was from a Wednesday class, no one would be in the classroom. I scanned my card and entered. TO A FULL CLASS LECTURE. Oops. "Well, by the looks of it, I assume everything is going good here." I said nervously as I backed out the door. A few laughs helped the embarrassment. Headed to the lounge to kill time until that class was over and I could finally do work. "Accepted" was playing so I finished it. Not enough time was killed and the feeling of getting work done had left me and so I decided to go home. Saw a guy humping a lamp. Got a green tea frapp. These are the random details of a Friday.

New blog looking.. few glitches. I'm working on them! Xoxo.
- Botcheezy

HELP!

My bills are ridiculously high right now. So that's happening. I could pay them, but I'd much rather pay for concert tickets. Hey cell phone bill, destroy yourself. Also, I'm busy up the fucking ass. What?! Yeah. Also, I'm going to be having classes on Saturday and Sundays. I can't imagine my life being busier than it is right now, but apparently it's going that way! ACK! HELP ME.
I've started editing stories for an organization that helps people with disabilities. I'm already a week behind on that. I CAN'T FUNCTION. When's the last time I slept?! I can't remember. What is sunshine?! Where is summer? Why does four loko taste like poison?! When will I rest?!
I'm nearing sick. Scratch that, I'm really sick. I've vomited every morning for the past four mornings. It's kind of disgusting, really. I think I need sleep. I think the deprivation is starting to get to me. I HAVE NO TIME FOR SLEEP. Who sleeps!
In other news, I'm moving forward, kind of, I guess? I dunno. I need help. SOMEONE COME TYPE STUFF FOR ME. Wahhh. Dying.

I WANNA WATCH PROMETHEUS ALREADY! Did I spell that right?! Whatever. Aliens and shit! I'm too busy to blog, what am I doing here?!

LIFE CHOICES AND TOO MANY VOICES.

I wish that everyone in my life could get along. That isn't the case. Certain people won't like certain people, okay. Fine. I get that. I find it fucking shitty though, especially when said people have a common denominator.. Botch!
Friends are going to step into my life, and they are going to step out. I can't stop that. In fact, sometimes I force that. That isn't meant to sound sad either, it just fucking happens. Certain things happen in your life that make your life fucking awesome, certain things happen in your life that aren't so fucking awesome. Our only job as human beings, are to take these things and work with them. You can't ALWAYS have rainbows and butterflies. You're going to get a crap load of shit lame ass fucking dirty brutal son of a bitch pussy type days. I know this because I've experienced them. My consistent flaw in playing out these days is giving everyone who feeds them to me; one more shot.. I shouldn't even say one more shot, I should say five zillion more shots.
My best nights have been those I haven't planned. BECAUSE OF THAT, I try to never plan. Good comes when it does, I'll take that. You can't ask for it. It doesn't work that way.
Some time ago, someone very, very, very close to me decided they needed a break from me. I was never mad at the fact, nor hurt. I understood why they chose that path, and am completely content knowing we will some day re-connect. A while before that, someone close to me had passed. Before that, I had to get on a plane and leave another person close to me. Before that I had to completely cut myself off from another person close to me.
Best friends. Family. Boyfriends. Ex-boyfriends. Sometimes you just have to let go of things, and go to sleep knowing that those who matter will stick around. It's just that.. it comes at a later date. Those that don't, well.. You're missing out on the best un-planned kick it til 5 in the morning nights.
I will never consider "waiting", "waiting". "Waiting" is just living, isn't it? When the un-expected comes knocking, I'll always check the peep hole. It's up to me as a home-owner on whether I choose to answer or not.. and I fully depend on the most important people in my life to respect that choice. So far, everyone important has, those who haven't- left, and never knocked again.
As to what I was originally getting at, with people in my life not getting along with other people.. Well.. I'll hold everyone in a separate room as long as I need to.. As long as those people understand that I'm going to re-visit my other guests as needed. If you can't get with that, you can't get with Botch, thunn.

GOOD VALUES AND WARM WISHES.

Live your life, enjoy it, do what you can to make it better, change what needs to be changed, learn more, read more, treat yourself, discipline yourself, smile, laugh, take the weird, indulge, conquer, balance the good, balance the rough, learn to move forward, dance, sing, listen, shout, remember what's behind you, stand up tall, get warm, get cozy, appreciate it, smell fresh air, tell them you love them, have a 'just because' day, take walks, look out your window even when it isn't scenic, and most importantly.. stay up.

Happy Holidays. I love you all, and am really excited to give back this year, alongside the people that mean the most to me. Miss you, dad. Xo.

IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO TELL YET..

These past few weeks have been crazy. I've made life choices and party choices. I can't remember the last time I've actually slept during the night. I've always hated when people say that, "I haven't slept in weeks". I considered it to be an act or a phony testament of how cool that person is.. but fuck! Seriously, I haven't slept in weeks.

so, go ahead and get lost..
Good things have happened, bad things have happened. Some how though, I've been learning to accept bad things a little better now. So much bad shit happens to me, and a lot of it is my own fault.. so why should I host a pity party for myself when I'm the one who made the invitations? No fucking more. There's a lot of good going on right now, and I choose to pay attention to that, and nothing else.

I've met soooo many amazing people these past few weeks, it's ridiculous. I'm so thankful for everything going on right now.. even with all the bad, annoying shit.

Maseo was amazing. He played more disco and funk than hip hop which wasn't minded at all. The crowd was minimal, but fuuuck, who needs a crowd when the music is that good. I feel like sometimes people don't understand that you can attend a show for the music, without giving a fuck about anything else.

Kings of Leon was a blast. Nothing like being front stage for a huge concert. Is there something ridiculous attractive about guitarists smoking? Really though, every time he took that cigarette and placed it in between the strings and the bridge of his guitar, I thought I was going to bust a nut.. right there.





University held a speaking by Jeff Chang. Jeff Chang is the author of "Can't Stop, Won't Stop". A piece of literature that every single person who appreciates hip hop should pick up. About six years ago, I won a writing award that allowed me to get one book off amazon for free. I ordered "Can't Stop, Won't Stop". The people in charge of the award kind of questioned my actions, but I didn't care. I highlighted that shit to shreds, and had notes all over it like it was a textbook. A falling out with my exboyfriend ended up in him ripping the book to pieces.. and it wasn't until two years after that where I got a second copy for my birthday. This book literally at one point, was my life.. so you can imagine how awe-struck I was meeting him.. and I was with good company. It was a perfect fucking moment in my life, and I'll treasure it forever. Not to mention, I got to meet him. I think I blabbed something in between stomach butterflies and nervous hand-shaking about, "YOU'RE AMAZING! AH". Yeah, "amazing", the only adjective I know. hahaha.




Richard and Marti's birthday wasn't exactly a success, but it certainly was a good time. Whenever I get to see the slur of all of these fucking people, I get all kinds of excited. I love my friends to the death of me, and can't wait for round 2, tonight! Eek!

When it comes to Canada, or football, or fireworks, or hockey.. I instantly feel connected to my dad. So last night's NHL party really hit home. Glad I ended up coming out for that, it was worth every second.




In summary, life is good. Let's hope it stays like this for awhile. Happy weekend. I hope the work I put in will make up for the lack of entries lately.

And hey Alex, I haven't forgotten about you.
Know that.

Happy Thanksgiving, xo!

IX-NAY ON THE CAY-VAY-AY.

I really wanted a vaycay in May, but upon thinking realistically.. it's smarter I don't. Well, it's smarter I don't go to Jamaica, or Cuba, or the Dominican.. and as much as it pains me to say that, it's smart. I'm just in a place right now where the spoiling of Botch should be less drastic. I've saved up quite a bit for 2011, and I'm proud of that. Coming this far, saving a chunk load of money feels kind of nice.. and I don't want to throw it all away. I'd rather go on a vacation knowing that I'll come back with money in the bank, rather than penny-less.
I had a huge fight with my mom this weekend. To the point where we both cried. I have never yelled at my mom like I did that night. Usually I bite my tongue and hold back what I really want to say. Instead, I blurted it all out. Every single thing I was feeling came out a hot mess. After we both cried and yelled, I think we came out with a better understanding of each other. After all, the only thing I ever want to prove to my mom is that she is the most important thing in my life.. I think AND hope, that she is starting to see that.
Alex also has stepped up to the plate. He's taking on grown up roles and although they're just beginning, it's nice. We're in a really good spot right now. We're paying off student loans, saving, paying the rent, and we're also managing to throw some pennies to spoil ourselves.. in appropriate and moderate doses.
So hey, this feels kind of nice. Kind of fucking nice man, kind of fucking nice. Grown!

I PLAY HARD FOR 9 INNINGS, DRESSED IN FINE LINENS.

so what chu wanna do? what chu wanna do?apollo kids drops tuesday, botch's life dropped sunday.

i fucking hate hormones. i go from crying to angry to some what okay. i don't know how cudder deals with it, but a kiss on the forehead and he's all "what do you need?". WHAT DO YOU NEED? really? so he orders dominos for me and throws on his best "do not let the bitch side of botch get to you" face. that is some kind of love right there. some, kind, of love.
i wish today was wednesday because i have a lot to complain about but i won't. lemme let you guys in on a little secret, i left about twenty blank.. i won't go any further, but i will say that shit is a load of shit.

got a little christmas shopping done today with ma. it's nowhere near complete, but it is nice to have at least a little something done.. i bought three things for myself, which was narrowed down from an original 7. that's good, right?

i could really use a beer right now, and if we're wishing for shit, the whole world to stop being so fucking phony, a dumptruck full of money, apollo kids in my stereo, my moods to calm the fuck down and my very own flight club. throwback thursday comin right up.

I JUST WANT TO LET IT GO..

that'll be the best therapy for me..


i just came to get lost between god and a shot of scotch?THESE PAST FEW DAYS HAVE BEEN SO FUCKED UP.

i'm usually not one to complain, i mean, it might seem to many that i'm a pussy and can't deal with shit.. but you try a day in my shoes, 5 bills says you wouldn't be able to take it. i'm pretty good at brushing shit off, shoving it into a jar, closing that shit tight and moving on like everything's fucking peachy. which probably isn't the best way to go about things, but it's my way. so that's what i plan to do.. although i must admit, my box of jars is getting kind of full.. luckily i have the greatest friends to help me carry the load. bonibelle, bianca, my boys, my sister, my brother. they're all pretty fucking legit. so with them, limitations can't be set. no matter what happens EVER, i'll end up being okay.. with that said, i had lunch with some righteous people, plane tickets booked, my internet's running smoothly and i'm in a good mood.. so let's get to bloggin.

25 THINGS I JUST GOTTA DO

..before i die.

i wrote a list about five years ago, it's up to about 185 if i can remember correctly.. of things that i would like to do/accomplish before my time is up.. i get about one crossed off every.. 4 months, which is pretty pathetic.. but once october hits, i plan to go pretty hard at getting it done.. and once i hit the age of 25, i plan to spend that entire year working on that list. i can't find the list at the moment, so i'm going to do what i can from memory. here goes it.

1. GET SOMETHING PUBLISHED
it doesn't have to be a book. i really want to write a book, but i only have one i really WANT to write. i'd rather have an article or an interview published. do any publishers read my blog!? PUBLISH ME SON!

2. GET A TATTOO
roger! let's get our first tattoos together! i know what tattoo i've wanted since i was 15.. which makes me think it's a proper tattoo to get. i just haven't manned up enough to actually do it. i don't have the fucking balls either.. and i don't want to get it where i live.. meaning, i want to get it while i'm on vacation or something. i want it to be spontaneous, but at the same time i want it to look good. cheers to hoping that happens.

3. MEET NAS
yeah. nas is my hero. i say this pretty much every day and sometimes people are like, "well what if nas thinks you're a douche?!" well then.. that.. would really blow hahaha. i don't really know guys, if nas thinks i'm a douche, then that'll really suck.. cuz i done been waiting for like how many years to meet dude. i have a feeling when i meet him i'm gonna mumble and mess up my words but try and play it cool and it'll be a big mess anyway.. which i totally don't mind. meeting him, even if it's embarrassing, will still make me happy. he's my fucking idol!

4. MAKE OUT IN THE RAIN
not planned though. just happens.

5. SWIM WITH DOLPHINS
cuz i wanna touch a dolphin so badly! they just look so soft and righteous don't they?!

6. GO TO PARIS
.. i HAVE to. i just have to.

7. DONATE BLOOD
i've tried to donate blood, but i was never able to because my iron is always too low. so one day, when my iron is top notch, i want to get into that hospital and just be like, stab me bitches im donatin!! i'm just in it for the free cookies and juice afterward.. just kidding. i really want to do this, and hope i get the chance to!

8. SHOOT A GUN
aggie?! what happened to our shooting range date!?

9. SKY-DIVE
my dad did this all the time, and he took my sister a few times, so i feel like i just have to. i don't wanna do it til i'm like 25 though.. if i can, i'd like to go with my sister. i think that'd be so ill.. but she'd have one up on me cause she's done it before.. maybe not then. ahhahaha. she's just professional lol..

10. BUY A PLANE TICKET
.. by buy a plane ticket i mean, go to the airport and say "what international flight leaves next?!" and buying that ticket. no matter where it is.

11. SEND A MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE
i plan to do this in october. the message will say "5YN-tifik dot blogspot dot com".. holla son.

12. BE THE BOSS
so i checked my lottery tickets, and i won! but only $2.. so i guess my sneaker boutique is put on hold til the next lottery pot.. which is cool cuz i don't want 30 million, i want 50.

13. STAND BEHIND A WATERFALL
and then make-out behind it.. if permitted. showering in a waterfall would be pretty cool too.. but i guess it would have to be like.. a really soft hitting waterfall. a small one.. still game.

14. TEACH SOMEONE ILLITERATE TO READ
because i think i can do it.. and i think i would be able to do it without making the person feel like an idiot. i think everyone in the world deserves the gift of reading, and to give someone that option would be such a good feeling.. for the both of us.

15. RUN A MARATHON
i've already ran a marathon, but i was 17. so that was four years ago.. i'd like to run a marathon again.. and i know bianca's game so?

16. GO TO A BLUES BAR IN CHICAGO
because chicago is home to the blues.

17. SURF
i've been boogie boarding, and jet-skiing, and tubing.. but i haven't been surfing. i'm pretty scared of surfing because surfers get attacked by sharks (they think the surfboards are seals) so this would really be a triumphy moment for me.. ay richard! wutanG.

18. ATTEND THE SUPER BOWL
then dag.

19. HOST SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
uhm. shut up! i can totally do it. possibilities are endless! you wait and see bitches.. you wait and see..

20. GIVE $100 TO A BUSKER
as soon as i win the lottery, this is one of the first things i will do. i have a soft spot for buskers. they don't beg, they're workin for their shit.. on their fuckin' hustle.. i've gone through some pretty hard days, then i hear like a crazy radiohead/green day cover, and my day is good again. i'd like to give them that good day feeling one day.

21. MEET LUPE FIASCO
the chance is coming close people! it's coming close..!

22. HAVE A GRAND WEDDING
a huuuuge wedding. with doves!! "YOU KNOW WHY?! CUZ I CAN AFFORD IT!" - mikey. so down..

23. STAR-GAZE WITH SOMEONE ILL NA NA
i did this with my ex-boyfriend, but it was kind of short-lived.. like we only watched stars for like fifteen minutes before we decided to go back to the party and get drunker hahahah.. plus toronto's downtown lights kind of take away from actual star-gazing. i wanna stare at the stars for a good hour, at least.. i guess camping kind of counts but i was too head bust to like remember it. hahaha.

24. LIVE IN AN ANOTHER COUNTRY FOR AT LEAST A YEAR
at LEAST. new york counts. big up to new york.

25. BECOME PERFECTLY FLUENT IN AN ANOTHER LANGUAGE
because my french, tagalog and spanish are fucking mediocre. i want french first.. so i can go to paris..!

i had another 25 before this, and my internet shut down and i pretty much lost it. it fucking blows. so i'm going to have to re-write that again.. my internet is fucking corrupt to shit, just like my life! ay! hahahah.
in other news.. BIANCA IS HEREEEE!! yayayyayayyyy!! lezz parttyy like it's 1999 on a budget! holla. VIP on a budget.

weekend was crazy. pure crazy. can't even talk about it, cuz it was too crazy.. and they're only bound to get crazier. so waddup world, come fucking party with me bitches!! i'll see you at alive!
i also finally got my passport in.. so if anyone wants to go to chicago this weekend?! just throwin it out there..
HI ALI.. i just wanna say i wanna play with your son.. ! i didn't get a chance to at the beach cuz i was so hungovverrr and gross feeling. that is all..!

SNEAK PEEK !