Thursday, March 31, 2011

VOCABULARY SPILLS, SHE'S ILL..

is becoming a site! Now, I've been stressing my mind for the past month trying to think of what to call it.. I've been asking my close circle and so far, what people have thrown at me are the following: "lipstickandcigarettes". That's the only real suggestion I've been down for..... so far. My initial ideas were, "letsgetbotched", "vocabularyspills", or flat out, "syntifik". I'm open to ANY ideas people might have. So let me know what you think.. What should my new site be called?! HELPHELPHELP.

THE MOST BEAUTIFULLEST THING IN THIS WORLD..

KEITH MURRAY - THE MOST BEAUTIFULLEST THING
I fucking love this song. I don't know how many times I've posted it, probably too many.. in my eyes, not enough. Geeze, 1994. What a fuckin' year. The best year for hip hop by far. One of the comments on this vid is, "This dude is very under rated! Ask any wack muthafucka, who claims to know everything about hiphop, but ain't heard of this lyrical beast. How come?????". TOUCHE SON, touche.

THROWBACK THURSDAY

I tried desperately to find shadrach, but there isn't an embed version anywhere! Which really sucks :( I really wanted to throw that shit on today. So do me a favor, go listen to it now!


LUNIZ - I GOT 5 ON IT
Now luniz was to tupac what drake is to lil wayne. He was about to be featured on the next album, but passed. Can you imagine what that would've been like?! Maybe more people would have heard of Luniz.. perhaps he'd still be rapping. Perhaps it'd be commercial.. Oh my thoughts get the best of me.


JAY-Z - CAN'T KNOCK THE HUSTLE
Today I read that the original song was meant to be sung by Veronica, and she was replaced by Mary stupid Blige because she was more popular. As much as I hate all of that (whether it's a lie or not I'm not sure), I've loved this song since time.


OUTKAST - GIT UP GET OUT
Great song! Great fuckin song! & look how young Big Boi is *giggle*. Every time I hear this song, I get this rush of "yeah, quit fuckin around people!", and okay sometimes I resonate that toward myself as well. This is what music and music videos are about man. Great fucking rap, no fancy fuckin beezys, no stupid effects, just going to the hood and making a rap video. Look at Andre! HAHAHA! This is way before the currazzy Andre we all have come to love now. This is when 3k was a fuckin' g! He's even wearing a chain! Ah, I love both personas.. and I love this song. I'd make out with 3k. Yeah. Said. That.


NAS FT. LAURYN HILL - IF I RULED THE WORLD
Every time people bring up this song, I roll my eyes. Despite how good I KNOW this song is, it's pretty over-rated. Don't hate me for that without thinking about it. It's true. Eh, it's still good to throw down the vid and watch once in a blue moon. I hear this song at least once a week. Every dj in my city plays it and it's kind of like, ugh, again.. at the same time I love the song, I'm just a little ick on every beezy in the place singing the chorus.. when they can't name any other nas song for the life of them. Hop off!

That's it, that's all, pricks! Have a good Thursday.

NASTY.

WORD VOMIT.

- chris brown's blonde hair is atrocious.
- but that "look at me now" song AND video, bang.
- weezy's "6 foot 7 foot" is still a fucking banger.
- both songs make me feel gritty, and i'm embarrassed of each.
- thursdays without jersey shore are going to be so dull.
- olivia munn is a fuckin' babe.
- i miss my boys. what happened!
- playing rummoli has been the funnest of fun this past week.
- i make a damned good beach salad.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

WRITTEN IN GOLD CUZ DETAILS MAKE THE GIRLS SWEAT..

IN A NUT SHELL.

A 26TH MOMENT WITH BOTCH.

I ALMOST ALWAYS, HAVE RIPS IN MY PANTY HOSE.

WHAT'S WACK WEDNESDAY x A MOMENT WITH BOTCH

THE LONGEST ENTRY EVER EDITION

I can't fucking stand the word "panty-hose". Grossest word ever. I hate the word "panties" too. No fucking thanks.
Almost every day for the past while now, I've been looking up vacations. I. Can't. Fucking. Stop. I have this madly overpowering urge that keeps yelling, "I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE". & it develops into the tallest tree of urge every day. Soon I'll have a fucking forest. I just need "me" time. Not to say I don't LOVE taking vacations with my boyfriend either. I just need some time to be Botch, and to clear my head of everything that's happened in March.
I'm pissed off at anyone and everyone. I feel like everyone's a lying piece of shit, and they're a waste of breath. I feel like everyone is selfish. Minus cudder, he's top notch right now. In fact, he's the only one keeping my head on my shoulders. If it weren't for dude, I'd be pushing everyone, telling them all, "you're too fucking close to me!!!". Sounds drastic, but that's how I feel right now.
I'm in a good mood too right now.. which is weird. It's a perfect balance between hating everyone and being at peace. I am currently on the last $40 of the money to my name which is a kick to the fucking face. I fully hate everyone who keeps braggin' about "I bought so much shit the other day! You should see all my dresses and lipstick!". Bitch, shut the fuck up. You don't work, you don't pay rent, and you live with your mom and dad. Come talk to me when you have grown up bills you fuckin prick.
Ugh, I'm just bitter at how hard things can be when you're trying to make life.. better.
I guess maybe we put all our frustration of having to "get things done" into anger. It's probably like that because it's easier.. or maybe I'm just rambling and making excuses for myself. Every single thing that I wanted to do today, got shot to shit. I went to my grandpa's niche today.. Is it called a niche? My grandmother got everyone in our family these bracelets. Each bracelet had our names on them. I placed mine with my grandpa's ashes today. She gave each of us them so that we were reminded that we were a family unit. That we are all tied together. Everyone decided to put theirs in grandpa's niche, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to or not. When it came down to the final moment, my game time decision was to put it in there.. I guess just so i could leave that piece with him. My wrist feels a little lonely, and call me crazy, but I feel a little lonely. That feeling might come just from how hard it was to say goodbye.
Afterward I was feeling sick (yes, still), and went to the truck. I cried silently and we went to eat. I said goodbyes to the family that had to head to the airport and my aunt gave me a gift. They were letters that my dad had written my grandpa before I was born. She said being the writer that I have them. I haven't been that touched and warmed in a long time.
After that I sat and waited at a 2pm appointment. I was sick and my head was speaking and this stupid office had a tv that wasn't on and no music. Forgetting my headphones at home, it made the next hour feel like five. My cousin got sick and had to leave, and I was sicker so after an hour waiting my appointment got re-scheduled.. which was an annoyance. I've been waiting a month to get this done, and it got moved again another week. I'm thinking I'll just go somewhere else tomorrow because dealing with that is another "fuck this shit" that I refuse to go through.

I don't know what I fucking want right now, seriously. I want a fucking beach vacation and everyone to stop expecting me to be there for them when no one is there for me. I am sick of people fucking interrupting my stories and making them THEIR stories. I'm sick of biting my fucking tongue so they can finish the story that they stole from my story time. I'm sick of giving everyone a chance when no one's giving me one. & MAINLY, I'm sick of people fucking doubting me.

I don't even care if I'm alone at this point. I don't care if no one calls, or texts, or if I'm at home reading a book. That's fine by me, I'm fine with who I have. The only thing I want, is for everyone to stop asking for a cup of sugar, when I'm the one who's always baked the cookies. How you gonna do that and not offer me a cookie? That's the best analogy I can think of right now.. but to put it blatantly, fuck all you stupid mothah suuuckkahs.

Vaycay comin this April. That's the word.

I'll try and do some happy posts now lol.

Sorry, but my name is Botch.. and THIS IS MY BLOG.

KICK OFF YOUR SHOES.



I know it's literally two weeks later, sorry for the delay in uploading this one.. but you know how things have been. Anyway, here's mathematics throwing down. He puts on for Wu, and when he does shit like this, it's easy to see why they do the same for him. Wu-tang forever. Mathematics forever.

DOUBLE CAR WASH.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

"THE REASON I WANT TO BE ALONE IS I'M TIRED OF ALL THE THINGS THAT WENT WRONG THAT WOULD'VE WENT RIGHT IF I HAD DID 'EM ON MY OWN."

- NAS.

Saturday, March 26, 2011



the celebration of my grandpa will happen tomorrow at cropo on main street at 1pm. thank you once again for all the support everyone has shown for my family and I. love to those who can't be there, love to those attending, and love to the sky. i appreciate all of you, near or far.. and i wish my arms were long enough to hug all of you at once. xo.

GRANDPA.


Grandpa opening a tie I gave him for his birthday about three years ago.

Friday, March 25, 2011

YOU CAN TURN YOUR BACK ON TOMORROW AND LIVE YESTERDAY, OR YOU CAN BE HAPPY TOMORROW, BECAUSE OF YESTERDAY.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

"I JUST WANT A JOB THAT MAKES PEOPLE REALLY, REALLY, HAPPY. THE ONLY IDEA THAT I'VE COME UP WITH SO FAR ARE THE PEOPLE THAT GO TO THE DOORS OF HOUSES TO TELL PEOPLE THEY WON A CAR OR A SHIT LOAD OF MONEY."

- SCARBOROUGH

GOT THIS IN THE MAIL TODAY..



Terribly sick and in the rough, this made my day. Thanks, De!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

GOODBYES.



Funeral services will be Sunday March 27th @ 1pm @ CROPO.
Thank you to everyone who has been the strongest rocks of my foundation at this time.
Your generosity and support has been more than amazing. xoxo

OFWGKTA x NARDWUAR

A 25TH MOMENT WITH BOTCH.



I am really sick right now. I guess all this being sad and then being angry and never sleeping DOES take a toll on you. If I had magic powers I would magically bring myself chicken soup, a big glass of orange juice, vicks vapour rub, a cloth on the forehead and my pillows all fluffed. I mean, if I had magic powers I guess I could make myself BETTER, but I kind of life the comfiness of sick sometimes. Disregard the copious amounts of coughing, blowing my nose every five seconds and the fact that my voice is almost gone.. Blankets tend to feel warmer, beds feel more welcoming, and sleep.. well.. sleep is just heaven.
Aside from my downfall of a day, I had a pretty good one. I got myself sushi (the only meal I ate today in fear of yacking it all out), I bought new underwear (needed it so bad), and I got a new bath mat! For those of you who have been to my house know that I've been using a new towel every week. Well I finally dished out the $16 to get a good bathmat. It should make showers and brushing the teeth much more enjoyable.
It was nice today. I finally got out of the funk and placed myself in a good place. I'm not completely happy, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still thinking of my grandpa 90% of the day.. but it was nice. Nice to feel sunshine and experience some what of an ordinary feel good day.
Wednesdays my boyfriend doesn't stay at my house so tonight is my last night with him til Thursday. I'm going to abuse his body warmth to the fuckin extreme tonight.

Oh, and I'd give anything to place myself right where the above photo was taken. I need a vaycay so fucking bad already!

My name is Botch, and this is my blog.

A BIG "FUCK YOU" TO WINNERS.

So today I went to Winners with E, and she spent about $250 in there. I spent zero, just wasn't feeling the shwag today. Upon leaving, "security" comes up to me and says, "I'm sorry, but can you give us back the merchandise you stole?" and I'm like.. "What?!". "The socks that you're hiding in your jacket". Socks? In my jacket?! So immediately I say, "This, this? This right here, is my wallet, I didn't bring a bag". Then they say, "No. The socks you stole".
Getting angry at this point because 1, I have NEVER shop-lifted in my entire life, and 2, you can clearly see how much money we spent, we don't need to steal no fucking socks. SO THEN, one of the guy says to me, "We have the tag you ripped off and we have you on camera, it's what the video shows. So, to make this easier, just give us the merchandise and there won't be any trouble". So I take off my jacket, take off my sweater, in the middle of a fucking parking lot and I say how I clearly don't have them, and that they're fucking psycho, and they keep showing me this tag that I have never seen before trying to prove to me that I stole.. So THEN they say "Listen, we don't want to have trouble here, you need to stop causing a scene, otherwise we'll have to get further authorities involved". So I say something like, "I have $500 in cash in my wallet right now, my sister's a fucking cop, so if you want to go ahead and call the fucking cops, I can go ahead and do that for you. I don't know why the fuck you keep showing me this fucking tag like it's going to make me confess I stole something, if you want me to take off more clothes we can go ahead and do that in the parking lot". Then the first guy who was saying nothing but kept showing me this stupid tag was all, "Okay, sorry for the mistake bye".
Listen here you bunch of fucking fucks. A $5 pair of socks is nothing, and EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOTHING, I surely think you would be absolutely positive before you accuse someone of stealing. I vouche to NEVER feed you business AGAIN, which is a shame for you because I was a frequent customer. I spent $100 at another winners before hand. AND, if you wanna fucking come and ask me to calm down after I'm mad at YOU for being WRONG, you can go ahead and suck some dick. You gonna try and make me look like a fucking hoodrat in the middle of a parking lot?! Fuck you. I have more money in my bank account than the both of you combined I'm sure. & to accuse me with nervousness in the voice and say you're gonna call the cops on me, shows me that you're a fucking pussy who isn't sure what the fuck you're talking about. Get your facts straight before addressing an innocent person. Shop again? Never. You fuckin' pricks.

Monday, March 21, 2011


Grandpa, dad, my brother, and baby Botch. The main men in my life tied into one photo.
J'adore.

Sunday, March 20, 2011


My grandpa, grandma and my aunts and uncles. my dad is the shorter one standing to the left. This photo is all sorts of wonderful.

TRUTH.

"IT TAKES YEARS TO BUILD A FRIENDSHIP, BUT TO DESTROY ONE? THAT ONLY TAKES SECONDS."

- VLADE DIVAC

SYNTIFIK SUNDAY.

thethingsiwouldsay asked: Hello :) I was just curious as to why you choose to title things "throwback thursdays, etc." I really like it and I was totally curious as to what inspired you.
it’s totally just so that my blog would have some what of a theme.. so my boyfriend and i threw together a list one day and stuck with it.. it’s been going good so far, i think?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I GOT DOSED BY YOU..

AND.. CLOSER THAN MOST TO YOU.. AND, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? TAKE IT AWAY, I NEVER HAD IT ANYWAY. TAKE IT AWAY AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY..

all I ever wanted was your life..

GRANDPA, THIS IS HOW YOU THROW UP FOR WU-TANG.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE.

I was feeling really guilty about not being able to get my goodbye in.. then, my sister and I decided to go ahead and get our goodbye in.. & now, I am at complete bliss knowing that we took the opportunity. Gza was last night, and I debated for four days whether to go or not due to these circumstances. I was then told, "You haven't left home in three days, you've finished two packs of smokes, you've been sad and crying, you're allowed to step out. It'll be good for you, you should go". So I went. & despite crying for a few seconds to rap that shouldn't make you cry, it was nice to smile. & to hear something I recognized. To be surrounded by something I love. & to even laugh a little bit.
When is it too early to move forward? If that even counted as moving forward. Ugh. I refuse to let my mind go back into the depths of sadness. Prayers will be on Friday, and final services will be in two weeks. I'm okay now, I'm not great, but I'm better. I have momentarily slips of world shaking, but I'm getting there.. and I didn't need anyone to help me get out of the funk.
I'll say this, you truly see who means most to you at times like these. People who actually take the effort to put their lives on hold to help get yours back on track...... those kind of people? Yo. I don't even.. I mean, I get it, I just.. never knew how amazing some people could be.. and also how in-sensitive other people are. Someone close to me actually had the audacity to ask, "Would you mind helping me clean my car tomorrow?". ..I'm sorry, what?! Did I not just tell you I was going to a funeral home to say goodbye to my grandpa?!

It's whatever you know. I learned a long time ago to push the thoughts of screaming at people aside and just let them be idiots on their own. I don't need a person to realize that some things in my life won't be written like a fairy tale. I am thankful for the love and support and kind words and people who have said "Do you want me to come over? I could do your dishes? Make you a meal?". Those are the kind of people that make this easier. & I'm not mad at the differences, I'm just surprised is all.

I've been ignoring the fuck out of most bbm and text messages. I figure I have good reason and if people don't see that, they can suck it. I have a big day tomorrow and Friday, and I'm pretty sure I won't get much sleep for any of it. Not that I need sleep anymore. Cigarettes have replaced sleep.

I'm drained for another day. So let's try to sleep and hope for sunshine tomorrow.

Monday, March 14, 2011

CLOSER THAN MOST TO YOU.

IT'S SO LOUD INSIDE MY HEAD WITH WORDS THAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID. AS I DROWN IN MY REGRETS, I CAN'T TAKE BACK THE WORDS I NEVER SAID.

I got a call, Sunday afternoon. It was my uncle, I said "Hey I'm actually busy, can you call me back in ten?". A few minutes later I got a text that read "Are you ok?", from my cousin. I said "Why?". That's when I got the text that read, "grandpa died last night love". I felt sick, how did I ignore that initial call? I dropped everything and went into the office. My fingers started dialing. I called my mom. I tried telling her, but couldn't. I couldn't breathe. Between words of "Mom, I fucked up, what the fuck?! I'm so fucking selfish, I'm so fucking greedy, I'm so fucking important that I didn't take the time to say goodbye. I had the chance and didn't". She didn't have the time to react. She couldn't. She had to play the role of a mom who was calming her daughter down.
I've been spending every minute since between the feeling of numbness and the feeling of angst and regret.. and the feeling of just how stupid I've been, and how this has all been.. and all of the fights my grandpa and I have been through.. and how many times he told me he was sorry, and how many times I chose not to forgive him. How many times we've yelled, and cried.. AND HOW MANY TIMESSSS.. and how good or bad.. and how I can't have any of them.. ever.. again, ever.
& that's all shot to shit because of a greedy little girl who never took TIME out of her own petty life, to accept that REGARDLESS of everything you ever did to her, REGARDLESS.. you were still mine, and I was still yours.

and if the cleaning til my hands crack and bleed won't wash away this pain, then I can only hope that the cigarettes and tear soaked pillows will empty my body of it. I'm so sorry, and I don't know what to do.. and I miss you so much, and please don't ever forget that every good time is over-shadowing every hard time.. because you mean that to me! I don't care about any of it. I don't care about any wrongs, or any names, or any of that stupid shit that made our words clash. I don't care.

I love you soooo much. So much. Please know that forever, please don't feel like I left you.. even if it's from up there.. I love you. I love you. I love you.

& it's like this. It's like this!?

It's like this.

I can't function. & when I am functioning it's soul-less. My mind isn't there. I'm not sure when I'll get back, and I don't want to as of right now. You once told me, "you're just a drop of water in this glass", and I said, "grandpa, I'm the drop that makes it spill over". I can't keep thinking of it.. I don't feel like the spill over drop right now. I was always late to meet you, always latee.. and whenever I said, "Better late than never", you would say "Never late is better". NEVER LATE IS BETTER. I'm so sorry for being late. I'm sooooo numb.. and I don't know who to turn to, or who to call.. or.. if I even should. Just empty. Just blank...... just.. sad.



Before everything; I'll always remember the times we laughed together, first.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

LIPSTICK LOVE.



My love for lipstick is seriously starting to go ape shit. I gotta have them all. Deep reds and pinks and corals and maroons. I almost jizzed right there. I fucking need every single color in my life. I find when I'm out I'm literally applying this shit every moment that a speck comes off. A fucking speck! I can't fuckin' live without it! I fucking love you lipstick, you sexy bitch.

WHITE & BLUE.

Set to release March 26,these bad boys are pretty bright. I almost feel like I'm staring at the sun when the color is so subtle. Regardless, if these are dressed down I can see them looking a little less bootleg. All black everything perhaps? Thank god for those black outsoles otherwise I would've had nightmares.

DAMMIT.

I set up a tumblr.. which will be all my imported posts from this blog. My current plan is to stay with blogger and just let my posts import so that it's easier for all the tumblr heads to follow/get my own domain/move to tumblr completely, or quit bloggin (jk). #dontjudgeme. Help? I really don't want to leave here. All up in the air! Up. Air. It's all up. There.

Friday, March 11, 2011

DAY FULL OF GREY & SHOTS TO YOUR PRIDE.

"I LOVE YOU, AND I SUPPORT YOU, IN WHATEVER YOU DO.. BUT, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE GOOD ENOUGH TO BE A WRITER?"

- THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER MATTERED TO ME.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

LITTLE BOTCH.

THROWBACK THURSDAY

THE MEMORY EDITION

The things that stick out in my head are so random. My memories of certain events in my childhood are so vivid sometimes I feel like I could grab onto it, and physically place myself there. Each smell and sound is as fresh as if it happened yesterday.. but that only applies to certain times. I'll go ahead and throw you 25.

25 CHILDHOOD MEMORIES



1. SICK DAYS
I remember being sick a lot.. I'd always spend my sick days in my mom's bed. She'd throw the mom mannerisms down like no one's business. I'd get the full face cloths on the forehead, humidifier on, cartoons, soup, vicks on the chest, and my personal favorite.. the banana flavored medicine. Well I think I was on a sick binge, and my mom was feelin really bad for me.. so before work, she dropped off my favorite strawberry and banana marshmellows. You know those 5 cent marshmellows (so good!). Well mom dukes bought a whole bag. I went for the strawberries first.. and polished off a whole bag. Seconds later, I puked it all out. Pink marshmellow allllll up in the toilet.

2. CALLIN DAD
Another sick day! I was home in bed with my dad. We were watching Mr. Dress-up, when the phone rang. He answered and continued to say, "No, she's sick today". When he hung up, I asked him, "Dad, do they think I'm skipping kindergarten?". He laughed so hard.

3. SNOOPY BOTCH
I would sneak into my sister's room almost every day. I couldn't help it. She was a teenager, and I thought she was the coolest. She was pretty and had friends for days. I'd always go in there and throw on her lipgloss because it tasted so good. Well one day upon snooping I found the COOLEST head band. I put it on while my dad and I ran his errands. When crossing the street to go to his car, the headband fell off. I ran to pick it up, and all I heard next was a car's horn blaring and my dad shoved me to the ground. He saved my life. The car ran right past us. I got the biggest yelling of my life, and I kept trying to interrupt with, "BUT THE HEADBAND", but my dad was not havin' that.

4. TYING SHOES
My dad was the one who taught me to tie my shoes. & one day I succeeded and he was all "that's great!" but I didn't feel it was enough lol.

5. TAPIOCA PUDDING
Every day after school I would rush to Bueno Brothers, run to the end of the aisle, grab nestle's tapioca pudding, and rush to my dad's office. He'd throw on Full House, and we'd watch an episode while eating our tapioca pudding before he'd get back to work.

6. THE SNOW WHITE HOUSE
THE GREATEST DAY EVER. One day after kindergarten I grabbed the pudding and grabbed my dad. He lifted me up on his shoulders and said "I have a surprise for you". He took me to the back where there was a cardboard cut-out snow white playhouse. I was so excited. He managed to get his huge body inside to help me draw windows.. and all I could think about was how I was the luckiest girl on the planet.

7. KINDERGARTEN WOES
In my kindergarten class we had this cardboard spaceship that we played in during playtime. It went in shifts, and you had to have a partner. Well I was far down on the list, so when it was my first time to actually go in the spaceship I was soo excited.. When I went in however, my partner RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNKKKK!!! She smelled sooo fucking bad, so I immediately went out of the spaceship.. it was then that my teacher said to me, "You only have a few times to play in the spaceship, get back in there!!". I spent half my time sticking my head out the window while my partner kept saying things like "we're landing!! we're crashing! look aliens!!".. I looked at her with disgust and anger.

8. RAGGEDY ANN
I got this raggedy ann from my great grandpa.. well I was sick in my mom's room again when I happened to notice raggedy dancing in the door way. I must've watched her for ten minutes. I was freaking the fuck out. So I decided the only way to handle this was to try and talk nice to her, or go and grab her.. so I stood up on the bed, legs shaking with fear.. when I heard giggling.. that's when I noticed a hand.. I go in the hallway to see my brother sitting there making my raggedy danced. I yelled "you're stupid!". Never letting him know how much it scared me.

9. LATE NIGHT MOM
I woke up in the middle of the night to find my mom wasn't in bed (OK, I slept with my parents a lot, that's next lol). So I went downstairs to find her preparing stuff for tomorrow night's dinner. I couldn't sleep without my mom so she set up two kitchen chairs as a bed. I fell asleep in the kitchen that night.

10. ROOM WOES
I woke up in the middle of the night a lot as a kid. I was chicken shit scared of everything. The dark. Ghosts. Fuckin' everything. I shared a room with my brother and we had bunk beds. I had the top. I remember waking up, talking to myself to try and gain courage to get to my parents' room. Getting down the stairs across to their hall took one fuck of a pep talk, lemme tell you.

11. MOM SHOWERS
In the morning my mom would shower me.. and she'd sing "this is the way we wash our arms, wash our arms, wash our arms, this is the way we wash our arms, so early in the morning".. and so on for everything.. I'd climb out of the shower and she'd wrap a towel around me like a cape, and it was always so cold. So I'd run to her bed, and sit with the towel fully draped around me til I was dry and warm. Sometimes I'd even fall asleep. To this day, I still keep my towel on til I'm fully dry.. I don't use it to dry myself. I wait that shit out lol.

12. GRILLED CHEESE
My mom was a fan of the grilled cheese for breakfast. I guess havin three kids and a husband to feed kept her in a rush, and sometimes a grilled cheese was her on the go meal. Well one morning she made them and I didn't want it. I was just a five year old having a cranky fit. I was kicking and screaming on the floor of the kitchen. This had to be going on for at least fifteen minutes to a half hour. It was my first tantrum (that I can remember anyway) and my mom was ignoring the fuck out of it, like it wasn't even happening. When my brother, sister and dad finally came down.. my brother said something like "what's with you?".. and I HATED that.. so I cried some more. Then my mom said "Ok, that's enough baby, let's go". I grabbed my backpack and went out the door. Like a trigger..! She was the boss! & when we got in the car, she asked me if I wanted my grilled cheese and I said, "NO!". I ended up leaving the car for school with my grilled cheese in hand lol.

13. KEN DOLL
I hated dolls. Still do.. they scared the fuck outta me. Well one day, my Ken doll was scaring me a little too much, so I popped off his head and threw it into the vent. My mom ended up finding it and saying that I could've started a fire. All I wondered at the time was how she knew it was me.

14. ONYX
In grade 4 we made these booklets of pictures of every year of ourselves. Underneath each picture we had a description that read "When I was one..." then whatever to describe the picture. The cover of my booklet was covered with walkmans and "onyx". I drew them over and over again.

15. KINDERGARTEN CRUSH
One day I was at my locker with my mom changing from my outdoor shoes to my indoor shoes. This boy and his mom were at his locker. My mom started talking to his mom, and they talked for a hot minute while the two of us just held their hands waiting to finish. While they discussed grown up business, I had nothing to do but look at him. That's when he noticed my shoes. I crossed the velcro so that it was an "x". & he said, "You cross your velcroes?! That's cool". The crush started then. He's mad fat now hahahah.

16. PORCELAIN EGGS
My mom had these porcelain eggs in her china cabinet. They were extremely intricate and decorated with flowers in such pretty colors. I asked her one night if I could see them, and she said "No, they're from the ukraine, they're very expensive and you'll break them". I begged and begged for her to let me see them and I kept getting no's, no matter how much I pleaded that I wouldn't break them. Well when she went to cook, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Her china cabinet was right next to the kitchen so I had to be very quiet. I opened it slightly and slipped the eggs out. They were so pretty..!!! AAAAAAAAANDDD SHATTER! I dropped one! She came running in, and I immediately started crying with the broken egg in my hand. The yelling must've went down for at least an hour.

17. DAVID LETTERMAN
Every night my dad would have his scotch and watch late night. He'd watch it on his chair and sometimes I'd watch it for about two minutes beside him before falling asleep. I'd wake up to him carrying me right on the middle of the stairs every time, but I'd pretend to still be sleeping. He'd lay me down, kiss my forehead and say "goodnight princess". The feeling of that carry to my bed was so comforting.

18. THE PULL OUT
When my dad would bring us to school and he pulled out of the garage, he'd always put his arm on the passenger seat to look back. His glance right before that would be right on my mom in the passenger. He'd always smile. I loved that look, because I always saw the love in his eyes for her.

19. CHUCK TAYLORS
Every car ride was me being cautious not to step on my brothers shoes. His chucks. He'd yell at me like nobody's business.. even if they were beat to shit. I also recall his wu-tang and kool keith being blasted out of his headphones and my parents always saying "EUGENE! TURN IT DOWN!".

20. PIZZA HUT
My sister worked at pizza hut when I was a kid, and she'd always bring me home toys and dessert pizza. I fuckin loved it.

21. SWIMMING
I had a swimmming pool in my backyard and was never allowed in the deep end. I practiced swimming in the shallow end a lot, and even in the deep end when a head was turned. All from watching my dad swim. One day I had the guts to show my dad I could swim, and he was sitting on the bench by the pool watching me. He was so happy he jumped in and we had races from one side to the other.

22. 7TH BIRTHDAY
My dad came home with my goodie bags and the things to put inside and he said "Ok, make sure every bag has everything even!". It was my first time to make my own goodie bags and I was so excited. Two bags in, I thought it was the worst thing ever.

23. SUPER MARIO
Let me tell you, super mario ran my house some days.. and I just loved the level in the star area where all you do is break blocks. It was the only level I could finish and I'd play it over and over and over again. My brother and my sister were so annoyed by it.

24. LITTLE MERMAID
This was my favorite Disney movie. I watched it daaaaily.. I had this book that taught you how to draw Ariel and all the clan. I obviously couldn't get it downpat, but my dad and brother drew me a million, and I was so in love with it. I'd take all the drawings they drew me, laid them out on the bed, and wrapped my feet in a pillow case and pretend to be a mermaid.

25. TELL TALE HEART
My dad told us this story on the way home from my brother's Christmas concert. He told me over and over again that he couldn't tell me it at the beginning because I would get too scared. Then finally, he told it. He told it so well, with such great detail but didn't finish in time. When we got home, my mom said we couldn't finish the story because I had to sleep and I'd get scared. It took a lot of begging, but he complied. My brother and sister gathered around him on the couch and he told it, WITH A FLASHLIGHT! I was so scared but also so intrigued.

MOMENTS I'LL KEEP!

YUP.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

LENT.

The last time I went ahead with Lent was two years ago. I gave up alcohol for the 40 days, and succeeded. I actually have always fully fulfilled my lent promises. I've given up carbonated drinks, fast food, and pork & beef. I've decided to go ahead with lent this year. My original idea was to give up giving up.. but since I feel that isn't strong enough.. I'm going to do more. I'm currently on the slow pace to becoming a vegetarian, I've started with "no meat mondays". I feel like it's a commitment you need to feel passionate about to achieve, and I just haven't been trying hard enough. "No meat Mondays" has been going on for about four weeks now. I had planned to add one more day a week every month, but thus far haven't for March.
I've given up white rice as my new year's resolution (slipping three times, twice to sushi and once to dinner at b's house, damn that nalaga). SOOOOOOOOO in perspective, I already have given up a few things.. but let's dig deeper. For the next forty days, I will continue to not eat white rice, I will not eat meat on mondays AND wednesdays, I will give up pork AND beef (limiting myself to chicken and seafood), AAANNNNNDD!!!!!!!! I will throw down AT LEAST, $1000 onto my VISA. Good luck Botch.
What are you giving up?

FUCKKKKKKKK!!!!!

So I just checked my formspring to receive this: "just letting you know, cudi has a tumblr! just sayin.".

I IMMEDIATELY RAN A MUCK. I have never typed so fast in my fucking life. I think I almost broke a finger hitting the keyboard that damn hard. My heart literally jumped to my stomach. I was quite down for the past few in seeing that his blog was the "cage" post for such a minute. HOW LONG WAS I SUPPOSED TO WAIT?!?!
The news is true, Cudi DOES have a tumblr. THE WAIT OF MORE CUDI IS OVER! Now regardless of the judgements everyone placed on me via my tumblr post, I shall let you know.. I love the cudder with every molecule in my fucking body. I mean, I get off to cudi. HAHA. Too much. I'm bound to spend the next few going through every piece of his tumblr instead of laundry. Scratch that he only has like 8 posts. BUTTTTT.. thank you to whoever let me in on the know for this one. I'm going to obsess about this one for as long as it lasts.

WHAT'S WACK ON A WEDNESDAY!

Given that I haven't done a "What's Wack Wednesday" in a hot minute now. I thought I'd take this moment to also dish out a 25. Hey. If I was queen of the universe (which some days I feel I am), I would rid the world of a shit load.. but instead of listing a million, I'll take the time to throw down 25. & you could have it all folks! All if you get lost between god and a shot of scotch!

WHAT'S WACK WEDNESDAY

THE I DON'T NEED YOU EDITION

1. CARDBOARD APPLICATOR TAMPONS
TORTURE DEVICES! Au revoir! Don't need ya!

2. VOICEMAIL
I don't know why I have voicemail. I'm paying for this when the only person who leaves me voicemails is my mom. & they ALL sound like this "Je, darling, baby, it's mom. Ok. It's mommy. Where are you?". SHE'S LITERALLY, the only person who leaves me voicemails and they're always the same. For one, I see her on my call display so I know she called without the voicemail.. BUT, for some reason, I save all of them, cause I love her so much! Would I trip if I gave up the voicemail deal?! Prolly not, I have a million of the same thing to last a lifetime.

3. SLUSH
Dirty, salty, winter slush. Peace.

4. 1 PLY TOILET PAPER
To all the public bathrooms that supply 1 ply.. I'm pretty sure they all do this because it's cheaper.. but if we really look at this situation with thought.. I feel comfortable in saying anyone who uses 1-ply, takes a little more.. wouldn't that even out costs?! We take more than we would when using 2 ply. Get rid of it.

5. NICKI MINAJ
We don't need her. hahahahah.

6. BILLS
I don't want you anymore either.

7. "YOU'VE JUST WON A CRUISE"
Stop calling me.

8. HYPOCRITICAL PROTESTERS
The ones that are against violence yet throw bricks through windows. YO, hippie, do you even know what you're "fighting" for right now?

9. PLANE RUSHERS
Every single person who gets up right when the plane lands. I'm sorry, but you're actually making things run slower. Fifty people heading for the same overhead compartment at the exact same time will not help you get to luggage faster. Your rushing ass is only making yourself later than you would be if you just let people do this in an orderly fashion. Teacher sounding enough, I hate it.

10. CHEAP BATTERIES
That go in your camera and let you take one picture. These need to get off the market, I've done the best I can by not buying them anymore.. but other people don't need the one picture demise.

11. HANGOVERS
Partying would be so much funner without the hangovers.

12. HOLD
If I could rid the world of being on hold! 60 million hours are wasted on hold per year.. I googled it. That's disgusting. & hold music is rarely ever good, so rid the world of that too. If we're going to be put on hold, they should play nas. hahaha.

13. JUNK MAIL
Both snail, and email. Get out get out get out!

14. CD PACKAGING
HOW HAS SOMEONE NOT FIXED THIS YET?!! That little tab was not that big of a move people! It shouldn't even be classified as a tab! BOOO.

15. WHEN THINGS GET STUCK IN VENDING MACHINES
This would never happen in my utopia.

16. WEATHER PEOPLE
You're all liars.

17. CHEAP UMBRELLAS
.. that embarrass me to shit when they turn inside out downtown infront of a gazillion people.

18. LOVE HANDLES
Well, maybe I wouldn't rid the entire world of love handles.. just mine. This way the people I dislike are still on the fat wagon. See what I did there. Nice.

19. HASHTAG RAP
It's sooooo doooone already. Get rid of it. Along with auto-tune. Off with their heads! Won't miss you. Bye.

20. SCRATCHED CDS
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE the feeling of opening a new cd. I LOOOOVE reading the booklets, the artists' thank yous, and bios, and lyrics. I fully enjoy knowing that I am supporting what I love, and that I have a hard copy of not only their album art, but their passion. THIS IS WHY I DON'T HAVE AN IPOD. I hate when the shit gets scratched and I stress out on whether I should buy a new one or not though. Don't, need, that. Buying a new one isn't the same as the original. The excitement is gone, and so is that "oh yeah this was so worth it!" feeling. Wamp.

21. MOSQUITOES AND WASPS
and any bug actually cuz I hate bugs. Circle of life?! Ehhhh. I'm sure nature could work something out. Maybe they only come out at like 5am-6am, so we have that hour to know that all bugs are outside and we must avoid them. & they never go in buildings or cars. Have you ever been trapped in a car with a wasp and a raspberry passiontea lemonade?! THE WORST.

22. ITCHES ON THE BACK THAT YOU CAN'T REACH
That's it.

23. SWEATY PALMS
My palms don't get sweaty, but I've dated people who have, had.. this, situation? Holding hands was not my favorite.. and niether is saying what's up to someone when you're about to shake hands with a lake. Now I gotta wipe my hands on my pants and have someone else's sweat on my jeans. Whoo hoo. Hooray.

24. LIGHT BULB BURN OUTS
I don't thing I've ever not gone "AHHH HOLY MOTHER FUCKING COCK BITCH SLUT!" when the flash occurs. It always scares the fuck outta me. & changing light bulbs is never a good time.. I mean sure, the after part is, when everything's brighter and tra la la! But actually changing bulbs, not so much.

25. PEOPLE WHO CUT IN LINES
Get off my earth.

EVEN WHEN I WAS WRONG, I GOT MY POINT ACROSS.



THE GREATEST RAPPER OF ALL TIME DIED ON MARCH 9TH.
god bless his soul, rest in peace kid.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

THEY SAY I LOST MY MIND, CHARLIE SHEEN.



TRAPHIK, JIN, DUMBFOUNDEAD - CHARLIE SHEEN
Anything that has to do with my man sheen must be posted! The mixing is quite nice. Wouldn't mind traphik not being on this. When did this guy even become .. whatever he is. BOO! Dumbfoundead on the other hand, now he could get it;) Get it all day. Get in myyy mouuutth.. sorry sorry. Back to Sheen, how they gonna fire this guy from 2 and a half men?! Really?! It's the show that everyone watches but admits nothing to!

Monday, March 7, 2011

I AIN'T ABOUT DRAMA SO I FLIP MY PEACE SIGN UP.

MIXTAPE MONDAY

PAC DIV - MANIA!

I know I haven't been following my regular blogging scheme, but I can't let this Monday pass without throwing down this. Fourteen songs deep, this is certainly enough to make you want the album.. til then though, have a listen.
The Don Cannon shouts are beyond annoying.. but soon in, with how good it is - you don't even hear them. They just wanna make music, and that's the best kind of emotion in songs. Push, grind, get it. They're moving along nicely.
"Supernegroes" gets you all hype and shit. Sampling both "It Takes Two" (rob base and dj ez) AND "Lap Dance" by NERD, it's ALL SORTS of amazing. WHO THOUGHT OF MIXING THESE TWO GEMS TOGETHER?! BRILLIANT! A fun mixtape that I wish would play at the bar all night and in life all day, you'll thoroughly enjoy the eargasm. It's my favorite song on the tape, and should probably be yours too. Anti-freeze is easily a tie. THIS FUCKING SHIT!

"eyes up, eyes up, that is not my wallet, miss/ yeah i'm big headed but don't make it so obvious/ i'm travellin the globe now, workin on my politics/ runnin for head of the state.. every verse i murder, i don't care what the topic is/"

Easily giving this one a 4/5. It kinda jumps around in a bit, but is definitely going to be in rotation for awhile.

You can download it HERE.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

SOMETIMES WE DON'T.



Irina shayk! She's still a fucking bomb shell. Shaving your legs is a thing that you do when you feel like it, and when you're dating Cristiano Ranaldo, and you don't give a fuck.. you get a fuck yeah from botch! Looove her.

25 COULD GET IT.

Forgive me if I happen to put people on the list that were already on the last one.. Mark Ruffalo tops it off.. because if you've seen "You Can Count on Me", you know why. I'm not going to put these in any specific order, nor throw a description down. I figure I'll let the pictures say everything.

25 COULD GET IT

















































*jizz splat.