Thursday, May 31, 2012


My computer won't read my memory card.
Coachella pictures are taking longer to upload than Lupe's album
That joke sucked, my apologies.
I mowed my lawn, my neighbor wins.
Maybe since he loves mowing lawns so much, he should just mow mine.
It was fucking hot out today.
Have you guys listened to Fiona Apple yet? I like her a lot.
I could listen to Climax for a really long time.
The new Hypetrak is so ugly.
I wish my friends would have a BBQ.. with veggie burgers.
Hey guys remember when we'd stay up real late and go to work the next day?!
Yeah. Those were the days. I got like 12 hours of sleep last night and still felt haggered.
It's funny how that works though. Week days I need my sleep.
Weekends, I can party til 6 in the morning and work at 8 in the morning. HOW!
Alex got a hell of a lot better at scrabble, you guys. He's all about the double word.
I miss Perla. I wish she was here with mango four loko and we were jumping all night.
My life vacation ends in two months. I am not looking forward to it.
I'm super nervous because I'm already exhausted like.. all the time.

Hi. It's Thursday.


Hey guys! This is my boy, Flaco. Fully throwing down for Baltimore. This here is just a small snippet of what this guy can do. I've known dude for eight years now, and every time we bump heads, it's always about music. In short, he knows his shit and has a strong opinion and love for it. (As I do, perhaps the reason we get along so very well!)

The team CCL$ is doing nothing but big things. A mixtape is already out, and I'll be doing a full post on that on Monday. Til then, check out their youtube channel. It's worth the listen.

CCL$, son!


You know if you would stop mowing your lawn, I wouldn't have to mow my lawn. Then we could both just have jungle yards, and not give a fuck! BUUUUTTTTTTTTT.. since you keep mowing your lawn, you're making me look kind of bad, brah. Stop being so proper and live a little, join my fucka lawn party..!

Seriously guys. Anyone wanna come over and mow my lawn?! Fuck.


I thought about writing you a letter. I then decided I shouldn't. Perhaps, later.. when I've better organized my feelings and words. Here I am though, writing a post on you, which might be worse.

I can think of so many reasons why you've decided to fully cut me out of your life. I don't understand WHY you did though. Does that make sense?! I hope it does, at least, to you.

I view this as the end. I don't want to say the end of "us", because we aren't an "us", but we certainly are an end. This hits me in a bunch of different ways, but the strongest of the many is, "fuck you". I fucking gave you an entire part of me that I will never, ever, get back. I gave you my words. I gave you the things that I hold in the darkest of closets, because I felt that YOU, of all the fucking people in this entire world.. never judged me. For some reason, I trusted every single thought with you. I trusted you with my soul.

That morning. That one fucking morning.. was one of the roughest fucking mornings of my life. I HAD NO ONE. I had absolutely no one. AND I FIGURED, I FIGURED, that I could count on you. If not for a place to stay, for a fucking word of reassurance. For simple sentences and maybe a laugh? Instead you made me feel awful about every single thing I was doing. You made me feel like my decisions were poor and wrong, and maybe they were, but when I was looking for just one place to go where I wouldn't get shit on, I didn't expect you to make me feel so small. You always told me you held me up so high. I didn't expect you to treat me like I ruined your life. I expected you to be a fucking friend, because you've always been that.

So. When that didn't happen.. I couldn't rely on you. I couldn't rely on anybody but myself.

I never tried to hurt you. I fully stood by you when people told me to drop you. I fully talked good about you when people told me you were shit. And then you decide you don't want me to be a part of your life, because of something that YOU did. I mean really, that's truth right?! You're making me look like a bad person for doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to you, because you just wish things between us were the way they were four years ago. I'm sorry, they're not.

And I'm sorry that we will never speak again. I'm sorry that we're ending on a terrible note. I'm sorry that we can't be friends. I'm sorry you're going to read this and question if it's you, realize it is you, and then hate me more. I'm sorry that if you ever choose to call me back, I'm going to hang up. I'm sorry that such a nice fucking dude, turned out to be a fucking asshole.

Get over yourself, you fucking prick. BYE!

Friday, May 25, 2012


Man, what a cool guy.

I can't wait til Kalliane and I are DJ'ing up places just like this. SHUT UP! It's going to happen!!

P.s. The guy in the Adidas tee is fucking hilarious.


Something about Terry Richardson will forever make me extremely uncomfortable.. Frankie though, unnnnfffff.


Hey guys..! I must apologize for the lack of blogging lately. I mean, missing one day is really like missing a year, isn't it?!

2012 has really been kind of strange to me. I haven't been working on what I need to get done as much. I keep ignoring everything and telling myself I'll do it later. The term "later" doesn't really have a set date.. which means I basically end up not doing anything remotely close to what I need to do.

I don't want to think about it. I know I should, but I'm going to cling to putting everything off because this break is so needed.

I have been to nine different cities this year. Nine is the number I can think of right now, it could be more. It is more actually, because I just remembered another one. I always seem to do that. Get out of the place when times get tough. It works for me.

I miss Anthony a lot. I think about him all the time when I'm out with people and bite my tongue. I immediately fill my mind with a song or a sitcom clip. It's really hard. It's going to be hard forever, I know that. I'm a little more at peace with the fact I am finally in an acceptance stage over a grieving stage. Tears still flow though.

I've been thinking about moving my blog. Or at least.. re-vamping it. I really don't feel like html'ing and shit all by myself. The whole look of it really bums me out. It's so amateur and basic. I still want things to be clean, I just want it to function better and be more eye-pleasing. Maybe I can convince Bonibelle to help me once we're both in the same city. YEAHYEAH, help me! I haven't opened photoshop in like three years. Yikes.

I haven't been watching TV much. Started to finally finish about five books that have bookmarks half way through. It felt almost tedious at first. As if I was forcing it. One finished book later, I can't stop. It feels good again.

I've also been debating on whether or not I should add a writer to my blog. Truth is, I'm not here enough. I think the concept is really cool, but the narcissus in me tells me not to do it. All up in the air with my jumbled brain!

I'm going to make "later", June 15th. That's my set date for commencing "real life". Til then, please hold off all requests that make me think too much.

It's Friday. Can we have fun?

Wednesday, May 16, 2012



Let me say this though.. this is the most non rock the bells line up I have ever seen. This is like Summer Jam meets Rock the Bells. I don't want to complain too much but I can see Rock the Bells going to absolute shit next year.

Kid Cudi, WHOM I LOVE. Don't ever get that twisted. If you've read this blog you know my love for Cudi is everything strong.. but RTB? That's odd to me. Wiz, NO. He should not be anywhere near the bill! J Cole, yes. He can stay. Lupe can stay too, I've seen him already. Atmosphere, seen already, but they can stay too.. and it's about time Slug gets promoted from Paid Dues to RTB, he deserves it. Dude is a fucking vet! Ice Cube, yeah!!!!! How is Wiz before Ice Cube?! Lame. Mac Miller, not in my lifetime. Dipset, I would like to see, but def not RTB material. Kendrick, seen, but okay he can stay. Meth and Red, YAY! Hooray! HIT SQUAD! EPMD and Keith Murray have my panties going cray. Asap, seen. Surprised to see him on the RTB line up. Tyga, um.. REALLY?! Tyga gets to perform at RTB?! Immortal Technique, I've tried to see a million times, and haven't. 2 chainz.. another shocker. TOO SHORT, he can stay simply because of his credentials. Naughty, DJ Quik, BDK, Salt n Pepa, Slick Rick, Prodigy, Murs, Fashawn, Dom Kennedy, Supernat, they can all stay. We all know how I feel about Nas, yumyum.

WHAT I'M REALLY SURPRISED ABOUT, are these headliners?! I feel that there are so many people who haven't made it to Rock the Bells yet, and am super shocked to see all these freshmen getting on to the bill. Like, did they ask a bunch of people and they all said no!? That's kind of what it seems like to me! I mean, I totes bump 2 chainz and Cudder when I'm tryna go ape shit.. But as far as Rock the Bells goes.. I'm really surprised this year.

If we don't get some real hip hop back into Rock the Bells, this whole festival is doomed. I'm an avid listener to plenty on this list, but feel like 30% of it should move their asses to a festival that isn't Rock the Bells. Fuck outta here.

Am I still going to try and go!? Fuck yeah.. but I'm totally disregarding that this is RTB. I'm going to tell myself it is some other sort of festival. Putting all these cats under the "real hip hop" category is something I just refuse to do. AND, I rarely use the term "real hip hop". It will still be fun but it surely has pushed it's way into the mainstream, and I am not looking forward to next year's line up.

Keep Rock the Bells hip hop you guys. Get back on your fucking shit! This ain't Summer Jam!!


When people tell me they read my blog, it still doesn't hit me. People come up to me and are like, "Yo that post on blahblahblah, so good.".. and I'm like "Really?! I wrote that ages ago?! You read that?!". So when I got this e-mail, I was shocked. After the shock, I was even more surprised to find out it was a person who I've never had a conversation with in person.. aside from that, they've been following me for over two years, and just came through with the word now.

It's crazy to think that the internet can give people something beyond hilarious cat pictures and news bloopers. It's even crazier to think that I could touch someone like that through something like the internet. I chose to fully put myself out there eleven years ago, simply for the sake of doing it. I went from writing in notebooks, to life experiences on the internet. It was never for anyone really, it was for myself. I knew that there might be a few people who hated me, and there might be a few people who felt me.. but I didn't think it would take off the way it did. When you get people who feel you like this.. Shit. That's more than I could ever expect when I sit down, light a cigarette and hit the keyboard.

For as long as I could remember, I felt that words were the most powerful thing I could get out of me. I've always loved them. I've always wanted to document my entire world. I enjoy every bit of it. The process, looking back on past pieces, and most importantly, the release of it all. I don't think I'd be Botch if I kept all of this in. I don't think I could have survived most of the things I've been through without releasing them somewhere. I mean, taking all of that and putting it out there, it kind of made everything just.. better.

This e-mail though, this e-mail.. makes every single damn blog hater, makes every friend/boyfriend who has left my life because of my blog, makes every person who has called me a hipster, makes every single bad blog day fucking worth it. I consider myself so lucky to have one person who could take what I've been through and learn from it, who could understand why I do this, and who has the courage to say "Hey Botch, Thanks". And, to know that I've done this to more than one person?! That feeling is so surreal.

Don't thank me. Let me thank you. People like you are so much of why I do this. I find that you thinking I did so much for you is making you blind to the fact that these e-mails do so much for me. You have no idea how much they do for me. They make every single fucking day better.

Blog til the death of me.

Love to the new you. A breath of fresh air is always amazing after a suffocating relationship, isn't it?! Keep trucking girl. I'll treasure your thank you's always. All my love.

Sunday, May 13, 2012


.. but you did. So. That's the end of that.

I ain't got shit to say beyond that. Bye.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


- "On my way."
- "Call me?"
- "Good morning."
- "Let's go now."
- "Be there soon."
- "I miss you."
- "Good night."
- "Are you sleeping?"
- "Are you out tonight?"


His name is Unicorn Kid.





There is something so pleasing about making fun of hipsters. I think that portion of my brain has grown since a recent party I went to..

I met a hipster who wouldn't stop criticizing me on literally EVERYTHING. At one point, he asked where I was from, and when I told him.. he said "Oh that's why you're like.. that, and you know.. I'm not". Since I knew absolutely no one at this party, I had to prevent myself from drop-kicking him in the face.. It was a hard task. BUT SERIOUSLY, after watching this video, I KID YOU NOT, I was like "Dude at that party said like 90% of these things!". Ugh, what a twat. "I'm so over everything". Forreal. Episode 2 is just as good. These guys got it bang on.



This song and video owns everything.


I wish that everyone in my life could get along. That isn't the case. Certain people won't like certain people, okay. Fine. I get that. I find it fucking shitty though, especially when said people have a common denominator.. Botch!
Friends are going to step into my life, and they are going to step out. I can't stop that. In fact, sometimes I force that. That isn't meant to sound sad either, it just fucking happens. Certain things happen in your life that make your life fucking awesome, certain things happen in your life that aren't so fucking awesome. Our only job as human beings, are to take these things and work with them. You can't ALWAYS have rainbows and butterflies. You're going to get a crap load of shit lame ass fucking dirty brutal son of a bitch pussy type days. I know this because I've experienced them. My consistent flaw in playing out these days is giving everyone who feeds them to me; one more shot.. I shouldn't even say one more shot, I should say five zillion more shots.
My best nights have been those I haven't planned. BECAUSE OF THAT, I try to never plan. Good comes when it does, I'll take that. You can't ask for it. It doesn't work that way.
Some time ago, someone very, very, very close to me decided they needed a break from me. I was never mad at the fact, nor hurt. I understood why they chose that path, and am completely content knowing we will some day re-connect. A while before that, someone close to me had passed. Before that, I had to get on a plane and leave another person close to me. Before that I had to completely cut myself off from another person close to me.
Best friends. Family. Boyfriends. Ex-boyfriends. Sometimes you just have to let go of things, and go to sleep knowing that those who matter will stick around. It's just that.. it comes at a later date. Those that don't, well.. You're missing out on the best un-planned kick it til 5 in the morning nights.
I will never consider "waiting", "waiting". "Waiting" is just living, isn't it? When the un-expected comes knocking, I'll always check the peep hole. It's up to me as a home-owner on whether I choose to answer or not.. and I fully depend on the most important people in my life to respect that choice. So far, everyone important has, those who haven't- left, and never knocked again.
As to what I was originally getting at, with people in my life not getting along with other people.. Well.. I'll hold everyone in a separate room as long as I need to.. As long as those people understand that I'm going to re-visit my other guests as needed. If you can't get with that, you can't get with Botch, thunn.