Sunday, April 30, 2017


Oh, hi there. I'm generally a very sad person. Which is crazy right?! Sure, sure. I do things, I go out and laugh, but a lot of the time, I'm screaming on the inside.. and after all of it, I usually go home and cry. Not all days are terribly sad, not all days are terribly good. However, for me, there are certain things that help contribute to which way my emotional strings will be pulled.

My least favorite. I HATE IT. People ask me this all the freaking time, and I can't stand it. There is nothing worse than being in a social environment, especially when you're having a great day, and someone asking, "You okay?". Ugh, yes. I mean, I was, now I'm just going over a billion situations in my head as to why you would ask me that. Do I look sad?! Am I acting weird? Should I be smiling more? I'm a people watcher. I like getting to places and observing, sometimes interaction is very little for me, despite me being somewhat of a social person. Plus, even if I'm feeling down, this question really doesn't really make me feel like opening up. It feels like a non-considerate pry. I know the intention may be good, but I'd prefer..

.. and you've already half way done it! I'm very picky with the people who I open up to, generally I tend to write more. Alors, when I do choose to share my sadness, it's nice to get some assurance. For instance, I was feeling really down about my Dad yesterday, and a friend who saw my instagram post, called me and said, "I'm sorry today is a rough one for you. If you're up for it, I'd love to hear what your Dad's faves were? What'd he like to eat?". UGH! Let's break that down. First, telling me my sadness is okay with, "I'm sorry today is a rough one for you". This validates my emotion. Next, "If you're up for it, I'd love to hear what your Dad's faves were..".  That, gave me the choice. The choice to choose whether I wanted to share a story or not.. and next, asking me to talk about my Dad. Sometimes when people ask me, "What's wrong?", I get so flustered because I don't know where to start. By asking for a specific something about my Dad, I wanted to talk about it, and I didn't even have to think. It also brought up positive memory, Dad LOVED T-bone steak.

I had a conversation a few weeks ago, where the person asked why I was sad (ugh) and when I answered that it was just a general sad day, they started talking about how I'm such a happy person, and they admired how happy I was when they were feeling shitty, which turned into how much of a worse time they're having, and how horrible things are for them. Trying to out-shine people is never a good conversation. WAIT. FOR. YOUR. TURN. I believe it's fine to share that you had similar experiences in dialogue, but you should never take over and story dump.

They aren't for everyone. The meme can wait for an appropriate time. I love a good YouTube/meme, but at these times, they make me feel like you're not hearing what I'm saying, and you're not understanding what I'm trying to say.. which brings me to..

If you're not understanding, that's okay! Say so. I feel like I would be okay with someone saying something like, "I'm not sure I'm understanding what you mean by that, could you explain it a little more?".

HUG - sometimes
This is a *tricky* one for me. Sometimes an arm around the shoulder is nice, and sometimes hugs are nice, but it depends on the situation. I'd say go for it, but only if you have a good read and feel it's appropriate. Personally, I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me if I would like a hug, either. Body language is a good tell, too. If I feel a little stiff, it might be me a little uncomfortable. If my physical affection is shared, reciprocate.

Offer more time. "Is there anything else you'd like to talk about", "Would you want to finish this conversation tomorrow", etc. An important close. Let the sadness run. It's just a bad meal I have to finish. Asking me if I have any ideas on solutions, and offering solutions is empathetic and I adore it, but I don't always need it. Just knowing someone is around is great.

This might not ring true for everyone, but it definitely does for me. What do you like when you're sad? I appreciate, specific questions, recognizing my sadness, validating my emotion, listening and responsive ideas on resolution. People are too fixated on *fixing* me. You don't have to! I'm not broken. I'm a human. I need to cry, and when I'm told to "stop crying", it makes me feel like I'm being wrong for being sad, and I don't believe in that. I don't have to be "cheered" up. Just because I'm sad doesn't mean I have to change right in that moment :) I'm honestly okay with being sad more than ever, and all of the above mentioned are contributing factors. So thank you to everyone who has done so for me. Love you all, byyyyyyyyyeeeeee. Sad girls club, wut.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017


Bless up, Kim K for sharing this gem on her Snapchat today.

Can you imagine if we all had music videos to timeline the times of our life? But nah, here we are. With our blogs and Instagrams. C'est la vie, non?

Whenever people ask me why I'm snapchatting or whatever now, I'm straight up going to say, Kim K, thanks for the memories.

Look it up, boy.

Saturday, April 22, 2017


Forever a fave. Soo beauutifuuuuul.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017


It's weird how I've been watching the Humble video for two weeks straight.. everything was being shit so this came at the perfect time.

Yes, hi, Kendrick, it's me Botch, thank you.

I CAN'T...!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean.. Damn.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017


It's kind of ridiculous how clubs don't take expired ID. I don't understand it. Can some club owner out there explain this to me? So here's the thing - our driver's licenses get scanned, and they tell the "bouncer" that our license is expired. They don't let you in. HOWEVER, this is STILL identification. Isn't the whole point of ID just to prove that you're old enough to drink alcoholic bevvies? So fuck, you miss a payment, or your license is suspended, AND NOW YOU CAN'T EVEN DRINK ABOUT IT?

It's almost as bad as the hoops people have to jump through to get a paycheck while on stress leave. You take an absence from work, because you're stressed out, your benefits pay you.. but not right away. You have to go to a bunch of different offices, your doctor, your insurance company, they have to fax, you have to fill out form 24A section 6, you have to call your bank, bring the paperwork to your employer, bring your employer's paperwork to your insurance company, get your insurance company to fax your doctor to get a signature.. don't ever go on stress leave, you'll end up more stressed than you were.

I don't mean to rant, so let me get positive for a second.. it's supposed to snow :)

Love ya, bye.


Let's face it. She a queen.