TIPS ON THE SAD.

Oh, hi there. I'm generally a very sad person. Which is crazy right?! Sure, sure. I do things, I go out and laugh, but a lot of the time, I'm screaming on the inside.. and after all of it, I usually go home and cry. Not all days are terribly sad, not all days are terribly good. However, for me, there are certain things that help contribute to which way my emotional strings will be pulled.

"ARE YOU OKAY?"

My least favorite. I HATE IT. People ask me this all the freaking time, and I can't stand it. There is nothing worse than being in a social environment, especially when you're having a great day, and someone asking, "You okay?". Ugh, yes. I mean, I was, now I'm just going over a billion situations in my head as to why you would ask me that. Do I look sad?! Am I acting weird? Should I be smiling more? I'm a people watcher. I like getting to places and observing, sometimes interaction is very little for me, despite me being somewhat of a social person. Plus, even if I'm feeling down, this question really doesn't really make me feel like opening up. It feels like a non-considerate pry. I know the intention may be good, but I'd prefer..

RECOGNIZING EMOTION

.. and you've already half way done it! I'm very picky with the people who I open up to, generally I tend to write more. Alors, when I do choose to share my sadness, it's nice to get some assurance. For instance, I was feeling really down about my Dad yesterday, and a friend who saw my instagram post, called me and said, "I'm sorry today is a rough one for you. If you're up for it, I'd love to hear what your Dad's faves were? What'd he like to eat?". UGH! Let's break that down. First, telling me my sadness is okay with, "I'm sorry today is a rough one for you". This validates my emotion. Next, "If you're up for it, I'd love to hear what your Dad's faves were..".  That, gave me the choice. The choice to choose whether I wanted to share a story or not.. and next, asking me to talk about my Dad. Sometimes when people ask me, "What's wrong?", I get so flustered because I don't know where to start. By asking for a specific something about my Dad, I wanted to talk about it, and I didn't even have to think. It also brought up positive memory, Dad LOVED T-bone steak.

DO NOT TURN THE STORY INTO YOUR OWN

I had a conversation a few weeks ago, where the person asked why I was sad (ugh) and when I answered that it was just a general sad day, they started talking about how I'm such a happy person, and they admired how happy I was when they were feeling shitty, which turned into how much of a worse time they're having, and how horrible things are for them. Trying to out-shine people is never a good conversation. WAIT. FOR. YOUR. TURN. I believe it's fine to share that you had similar experiences in dialogue, but you should never take over and story dump.

IMMEDIATE JOKES

They aren't for everyone. The meme can wait for an appropriate time. I love a good YouTube/meme, but at these times, they make me feel like you're not hearing what I'm saying, and you're not understanding what I'm trying to say.. which brings me to..

UNDERSTANDING

If you're not understanding, that's okay! Say so. I feel like I would be okay with someone saying something like, "I'm not sure I'm understanding what you mean by that, could you explain it a little more?".

HUG - sometimes

This is a *tricky* one for me. Sometimes an arm around the shoulder is nice, and sometimes hugs are nice, but it depends on the situation. I'd say go for it, but only if you have a good read and feel it's appropriate. Personally, I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me if I would like a hug, either. Body language is a good tell, too. If I feel a little stiff, it might be me a little uncomfortable. If my physical affection is shared, reciprocate.

PLAN

Offer more time. "Is there anything else you'd like to talk about", "Would you want to finish this conversation tomorrow", etc. An important close. Let the sadness run. It's just a bad meal I have to finish. Asking me if I have any ideas on solutions, and offering solutions is empathetic and I adore it, but I don't always need it. Just knowing someone is around is great.

This might not ring true for everyone, but it definitely does for me. What do you like when you're sad? I appreciate, specific questions, recognizing my sadness, validating my emotion, listening and responsive ideas on resolution. People are too fixated on *fixing* me. You don't have to! I'm not broken. I'm a human. I need to cry, and when I'm told to "stop crying", it makes me feel like I'm being wrong for being sad, and I don't believe in that. I don't have to be "cheered" up. Just because I'm sad doesn't mean I have to change right in that moment :) I'm honestly okay with being sad more than ever, and all of the above mentioned are contributing factors. So thank you to everyone who has done so for me. Love you all, byyyyyyyyyeeeeee. Sad girls club, wut.