I'LL NEVER FULLY GET IT..

I thought about writing you a letter. I then decided I shouldn't. Perhaps, later.. when I've better organized my feelings and words. Here I am though, writing a post on you, which might be worse.

I can think of so many reasons why you've decided to fully cut me out of your life. I don't understand WHY you did though. Does that make sense?! I hope it does, at least, to you.

I view this as the end. I don't want to say the end of "us", because we aren't an "us", but we certainly are an end. This hits me in a bunch of different ways, but the strongest of the many is, "fuck you". I fucking gave you an entire part of me that I will never, ever, get back. I gave you my words. I gave you the things that I hold in the darkest of closets, because I felt that YOU, of all the fucking people in this entire world.. never judged me. For some reason, I trusted every single thought with you. I trusted you with my soul.

That morning. That one fucking morning.. was one of the roughest fucking mornings of my life. I HAD NO ONE. I had absolutely no one. AND I FIGURED, I FIGURED, that I could count on you. If not for a place to stay, for a fucking word of reassurance. For simple sentences and maybe a laugh? Instead you made me feel awful about every single thing I was doing. You made me feel like my decisions were poor and wrong, and maybe they were, but when I was looking for just one place to go where I wouldn't get shit on, I didn't expect you to make me feel so small. You always told me you held me up so high. I didn't expect you to treat me like I ruined your life. I expected you to be a fucking friend, because you've always been that.

So. When that didn't happen.. I couldn't rely on you. I couldn't rely on anybody but myself.

I never tried to hurt you. I fully stood by you when people told me to drop you. I fully talked good about you when people told me you were shit. And then you decide you don't want me to be a part of your life, because of something that YOU did. I mean really, that's truth right?! You're making me look like a bad person for doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to you, because you just wish things between us were the way they were four years ago. I'm sorry, they're not.

And I'm sorry that we will never speak again. I'm sorry that we're ending on a terrible note. I'm sorry that we can't be friends. I'm sorry you're going to read this and question if it's you, realize it is you, and then hate me more. I'm sorry that if you ever choose to call me back, I'm going to hang up. I'm sorry that such a nice fucking dude, turned out to be a fucking asshole.

Get over yourself, you fucking prick. BYE!