WHAT'S WACK ON A WEDNESDAY!

Given that I haven't done a "What's Wack Wednesday" in a hot minute now. I thought I'd take this moment to also dish out a 25. Hey. If I was queen of the universe (which some days I feel I am), I would rid the world of a shit load.. but instead of listing a million, I'll take the time to throw down 25. & you could have it all folks! All if you get lost between god and a shot of scotch!

WHAT'S WACK WEDNESDAY

THE I DON'T NEED YOU EDITION

1. CARDBOARD APPLICATOR TAMPONS
TORTURE DEVICES! Au revoir! Don't need ya!

2. VOICEMAIL
I don't know why I have voicemail. I'm paying for this when the only person who leaves me voicemails is my mom. & they ALL sound like this "Je, darling, baby, it's mom. Ok. It's mommy. Where are you?". SHE'S LITERALLY, the only person who leaves me voicemails and they're always the same. For one, I see her on my call display so I know she called without the voicemail.. BUT, for some reason, I save all of them, cause I love her so much! Would I trip if I gave up the voicemail deal?! Prolly not, I have a million of the same thing to last a lifetime.

3. SLUSH
Dirty, salty, winter slush. Peace.

4. 1 PLY TOILET PAPER
To all the public bathrooms that supply 1 ply.. I'm pretty sure they all do this because it's cheaper.. but if we really look at this situation with thought.. I feel comfortable in saying anyone who uses 1-ply, takes a little more.. wouldn't that even out costs?! We take more than we would when using 2 ply. Get rid of it.

5. NICKI MINAJ
We don't need her. hahahahah.

6. BILLS
I don't want you anymore either.

7. "YOU'VE JUST WON A CRUISE"
Stop calling me.

8. HYPOCRITICAL PROTESTERS
The ones that are against violence yet throw bricks through windows. YO, hippie, do you even know what you're "fighting" for right now?

9. PLANE RUSHERS
Every single person who gets up right when the plane lands. I'm sorry, but you're actually making things run slower. Fifty people heading for the same overhead compartment at the exact same time will not help you get to luggage faster. Your rushing ass is only making yourself later than you would be if you just let people do this in an orderly fashion. Teacher sounding enough, I hate it.

10. CHEAP BATTERIES
That go in your camera and let you take one picture. These need to get off the market, I've done the best I can by not buying them anymore.. but other people don't need the one picture demise.

11. HANGOVERS
Partying would be so much funner without the hangovers.

12. HOLD
If I could rid the world of being on hold! 60 million hours are wasted on hold per year.. I googled it. That's disgusting. & hold music is rarely ever good, so rid the world of that too. If we're going to be put on hold, they should play nas. hahaha.

13. JUNK MAIL
Both snail, and email. Get out get out get out!

14. CD PACKAGING
HOW HAS SOMEONE NOT FIXED THIS YET?!! That little tab was not that big of a move people! It shouldn't even be classified as a tab! BOOO.

15. WHEN THINGS GET STUCK IN VENDING MACHINES
This would never happen in my utopia.

16. WEATHER PEOPLE
You're all liars.

17. CHEAP UMBRELLAS
.. that embarrass me to shit when they turn inside out downtown infront of a gazillion people.

18. LOVE HANDLES
Well, maybe I wouldn't rid the entire world of love handles.. just mine. This way the people I dislike are still on the fat wagon. See what I did there. Nice.

19. HASHTAG RAP
It's sooooo doooone already. Get rid of it. Along with auto-tune. Off with their heads! Won't miss you. Bye.

20. SCRATCHED CDS
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE the feeling of opening a new cd. I LOOOOVE reading the booklets, the artists' thank yous, and bios, and lyrics. I fully enjoy knowing that I am supporting what I love, and that I have a hard copy of not only their album art, but their passion. THIS IS WHY I DON'T HAVE AN IPOD. I hate when the shit gets scratched and I stress out on whether I should buy a new one or not though. Don't, need, that. Buying a new one isn't the same as the original. The excitement is gone, and so is that "oh yeah this was so worth it!" feeling. Wamp.

21. MOSQUITOES AND WASPS
and any bug actually cuz I hate bugs. Circle of life?! Ehhhh. I'm sure nature could work something out. Maybe they only come out at like 5am-6am, so we have that hour to know that all bugs are outside and we must avoid them. & they never go in buildings or cars. Have you ever been trapped in a car with a wasp and a raspberry passiontea lemonade?! THE WORST.

22. ITCHES ON THE BACK THAT YOU CAN'T REACH
That's it.

23. SWEATY PALMS
My palms don't get sweaty, but I've dated people who have, had.. this, situation? Holding hands was not my favorite.. and niether is saying what's up to someone when you're about to shake hands with a lake. Now I gotta wipe my hands on my pants and have someone else's sweat on my jeans. Whoo hoo. Hooray.

24. LIGHT BULB BURN OUTS
I don't thing I've ever not gone "AHHH HOLY MOTHER FUCKING COCK BITCH SLUT!" when the flash occurs. It always scares the fuck outta me. & changing light bulbs is never a good time.. I mean sure, the after part is, when everything's brighter and tra la la! But actually changing bulbs, not so much.

25. PEOPLE WHO CUT IN LINES
Get off my earth.