A WORD CALLED ETIQUETTE!

i completely understand that public bathrooms aren't a particular fancy.. but when there comes a time to go, they're a fucking necessity. i also realize that 25 might be a hefty number of rules to remember.. but in my eyes, this shit is just common sense. i'm a fairly social person, who is out a lot, so public restrooms are a regular for me. with experience, i'd like to take this what's wack wednesday opportunity to share some bathroom etiquette with..

25 GOTTA GO'S

1. MIRROR HOGS
i can fully understand a girl wanting to re-apply lipstick, or mascara.. sometimes i even see girls putting on hairspray.. hey, whatever makes you feel like hot shit.. i'm all for it.. however, when you're straight up all over that mirror, and i, along with a bunch of ladies have to wait for your ass to move over so we can wash our hands.. it's rude. be polite, handle your biz, but leave some room for the rest of us who want to get the fuck out of the sardine can.. maybe sway to the side til a person's done washing their hands. this goes the same for..

2. CHATTY KATHY'S
i don't know why groups of ten girls need to lean on the sinks and talk about boys. yo. you've peed. you've done the mirror check.. it is not the time to lounge. step out of the bathroom to do this. you're not only preventing us from washing our hands, but you're confusing the people in line that have bladders in pre-burst mode.

3. NO HANGING ON HOOKS
NEVER hang your purse on the hook where the door is.. either wear it, put it on a shelf if there is one, ORRR! my personal guarantee, put it on the toilet paper holder.. a purse is a very easy thing to grab over the door.. and it has never happened to me, but i HAVE seen it happen, AND i know people it's happened to.

4. NO LOOKS
i don't get why girls insist on sticking their head under stalls to see if it's in use, but it happens.. if you think there's someone in there, KNOCK.

5. IF IT'S FREEEEEEE
if there's more than one available stall, don't go directly next to another one in use. when there's a chance given, take a stall at least one away from the user. some people are reaaaally private when it comes to doing the deed, respect that.

6. "IF YOU SPRINKLE WHEN YOU TINKLE, BE SWEET AND WIPE THE SEAT"
i honestly don't know how the fuck girls pee on seats. i don't know.. how. the. fuck.. but in all honestly, there is nothing more displeasing than really having to pee, coming into a stall, and seeing pee on the toilet seat. i do not want to wipe up another beezy's piss, thanks.

7. FLUSHHHHHHHH
WHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY DO PEOPLE NOT FLUSH?! honestly! IT TAKES TWO FUCKING SECONDS. i'm very germ-a-phobed, so when i flush the toilet i usually grab some tissue to use on the handle, or i use my foot.. but seriously. two seconds out of your liiifee.. please, please, please.. we're females, not fuckin' animals.

8. OM NOMNOM
this one is titled most proper hahahah.. no, guys stop reading.. females, keep going. if you use a pad (which is nuts to me, get on that tampon tip), take toilet paper, wrap that shit up, and throw it out. same goes for an applicator. do not flush it. do not throw it on the floor, or on the toilet. that shit's nast, and karma will give you five diseases for doing so.

9. DOUBLE CHECK
EVEN IF ITS AN AUTOMATIC FLUSHING TOILET, double check :(

10. LEAVE THE STALL DOOR OPEN
when you leave, so people know it's free. this gets the line moving faster, and it's a nice thing to do, for everyone.

11. URINALS
dudes, stand close enough to that shit so you don't get pee on the floor. i only say this because i generally get sick of waiting for the chatty kathy's to get out of the women's so i use the men's bathroom.. quite a lot.. maybe that's rude of me, but you should see what it's like in a girls bathroom.

12. WARNINGS
if there's no toilet paper, or a flooded toilet, it's nice to let the next person know. whenever someone tells me "there's no more toilet paper, babe". i'm all sorts of flattered. i have recently learned to carry tissue in my bag for such situations. THANKS ALBERT ! lol

13. LOCK YOUR STALL
i don't want to walk in on you, you don't want me to walk in on you.. and your lock is fully functional. don't get mad because you didn't lock the door. neither of us wanted this.

14. LINE CUTTERS
this applies to everything, but it is certainly a piss off when i've been in line to pee for ten minutes, and a group of drunkies just push and shove their way to the bathroom. fuckin' beezies. get to the back of the line bitches. if you were special, you would have your own bathroom.. but you don't. so stop being a sloppy drunk ass and wait your fucking turn.

15. TEN GIRLS ONE STALL
i get why girls share stalls, i do. it's faster.. that is until you have ten girls in one stall.. how are you even moving in there?! you guys taaaake for liiife in there, and all we can hear is laughter and high pitched squeaking. i'm pretty sure with all that conversation and laughing, you're not peeing. you're holding up the line. let's go! let's go!

16. CELL PHONE BUSINESS
when you're on the phone and you're peeing.. but you're really just on the phone, cause you peed ten minutes ago. i'm pretty sure four people could've gone pee.. but no, for some reason, we have to wait til your phone conversation is done, til you leave the stall?

17. USE A PAPER TOWEL TO OPEN DOORS
this is more of a "fun" tip, than a rule. we can't teach everyone not to wash their hands.. for some reason the world hasn't taught businesses to have bathrooms without doors.. so til then, be safe.

18. NO STARING
i was taught at a very young age never to stare at people.. no matter where i was.. but in bathrooms i've seen the occasional girl get hit with "what the fuck are you looking at?!". geeze. some girls are nutty.

19. THROWING PAPER TOWELS ON THE FLOOR
if you miss the garbage during your basketball shoot out, forgiven.. but if you just huck that shit on the floor, you're a fuckin' dick.

20. NO TALKING
try not to have a conversation with strangers.. i, personally, have no problems with a conversation while on the go.. but i have learned from a few friends, about this thing called "shy bladders".. some people just can't go when a conversation arises. so don't. wait til you're done.. the only time that i can see this being okay, is a toilet paper issue. some people are just shy. let them be that.

21. POOP
if you get poop anywhere aside from the toilet, call professional help.

22. CONTINUAL KNOCKING
if you know i'm in here, i've replied.. your constant knocking is not making me go any faster. i just got here, relax.

23. SINK MESS
if you get water on the sink counter, wipe it if you can. it sucks leaning in to put on lipgloss then getting a big water line on your clothes. wahhhh :(

24. ADJUST YOUR SHIT IN THE STALL
i don't wanna see your thong, or your spanks.. or anything. if your tights/pantyhose/underwear/bra, whatever, is riding.. we don't want to know. you look good, and some times, we don't wanna know how you did it. fix that shit in the stall.

25. WASH YOUR MOTHER FUCKING HANDS
don't sprinkle them with water. grab some soap, and handle that. clearly with all the chatty kathy's, the pad/tampon touchers, people touching their vagine's, junk, and pee-ridden toilet seats.. we must. all of these people are touching the exact same stall locks, doors, and toilets. sooooap up.. and if there's no soap, use water anyways. i'm a high five lover, let's make our high fives clean.