THE HOLY FUCKING SHIT PIECE!

i just got one of the most touching e-mails, i have ever received ever. & i'm going to share it without sharing the sender. not to ruin the honesty of the sender either, i'm going to keep his name completely anonymous because.. AT TIMES IN YOUR LIFE, where you say things that you feel like you've said, or feel like you should say, but you haven't.. and then you do. you know, word vomit. there comes a time when such beautiful and honest moments put you in a place where for a second, your heart thumps, and you're at peace knowing just how great you have effected some people.. to even think of effecting anyone at all.. the feeling is one that's completely un-explainable, and i'm cool with that.

after reading this, i immediately cried, and my hands would not stop shaking.. and that's not in a bad way either.. i just.. have never been this touched before. this is the most beautiful piece i have ever read, greater than most literature, and i've read a shit load of books.. so you know that i mean it. i am so thankful that this person NOT ONLY, has graced my life, but that i have had such an effect on him. he's a part of me forever, and i'm very.. not shocked, not baffled, not speechless, but inspired.. to continue to keep this relationship forever.. if not for the sake of him, but for the sake of me. to better ourselves the only way we know how.. through words.. hit the jump.

did you ever see my slick ass suit?

I can fit you inside it now while wearing it myself, it's like a suit for two so long as the second person is fairly dante(unless you like, aren't the girl I remember if you know what I mean ;)) and it was snug and the buttons were useless when I got it, the top one would close until I ate something.

Im just idk, motivated to doo stuff im feeling benevolent as fuck, I feel like a bliss that can only be achieved when you are close to overdosing and just don't care anymore, and im not doing no overdosing.

I dont want to sound lame but I owe you everything, you were sometimes a bitch to me as I was to you but you were the downest person in my life ever and on most days you were the most beautiful girl I'd see. It's like our lives got busy nott being able to chill 24/7 partying and bullshit style even though my parties are weak sauce, they never were Botcho was there. I feel like jay z without a billion dollars, like I shouldn't be here like some illvey shit blossoming from nothing. I was convinced I didn't even have the building blocks anymore to do anything until I met you. NO one ever had the same ratio of awesomeness to epic fucking whore fail as you. You took me from bitter fucking asshole who hated the world who couldn't feel much at all (and I did) to depressed as fuck (sleeping all fucking day everyday) to recovering from everything I put through myself to feeling like im flossing like Rick Floss Boss Belly Moss. You helped me not kill people I was sure I would kill maybe a coupe nights myself, you made me wonder with the puzzles you left me and I may still wonder about some of them and I usually consider myself a problem solver. You taught me how to be fair at least sometimes but you taught me that life isn't going to be fair to me always, you told me things in confidence I would never betray knowing I did things that left me in a state where I didn't know where I was. You put up with those states and brushed the dirt off my shoulders. You telling me things made me feel horrible about my nature I almost thought you hated me for a while and it was painful but they were growing pains.

^ THAT was all shit you should know without me telling you, and if you didn't I wish I didn't have the social inhibitions I have.

Some shit I don't even know if I believe - You sometimes make me question rational science and the fabric of logic. I don't know how many times I'd be thinking a less than positive thought and you out of no where grab the bitch by the neck and turn it around and strangle that fish into a positive thought. You have a aura that surrounds you I wish we were neighbors and some how didn't piss each other off, I don't think I'd get off a bus and run after Cameron Diaz and Natalie Portman if they were tied up rolling down a hill in a wheel chair the same way I'd run after you just to see if it was actually you with the green hair and if we can in fact get a coffee or a slice of pizza.

You step up like no ones business.

You tell me I'm fucking brilliant, and somehow I'm humbled?

If I found out I was schizophrenic and you didn't exist, god or some sort of all powerful force would have to exist, you're not god but no one is but you're trying really hard and not doing a bad job.

If I was a billionare, I'd learjet to whatever partt of the globe you were inhabiting to get you a coffee, so long as you have enough time to sit down with me for a coffee, and maybe a stoogie.

----

Right now, I feel amazing, confused, overwhelmed, tried, and to some extent I feel like I'm being proven, earning my keep er, my right to power if I ever was in power.

If I'm given all the time in the world, which as far as I'm concerned I have, nothing will keep me from being in close proximity to you. I'm doing things right now, things I knew I would do, it might take 5 years but then I'll be playing around again for the rest of my life.

Sometimes, I thought how will I ever keep this girl close to my heart forever? Marriage is so unconventional especially when I just want to secure a place in your heart, if something ever happened to me, I'd become a legacy of sorts, a meme under the most unfortunate circumstances.

You're the first person I ever loved, and you allowed me to love other people but never in the same way. You completed me, no homo. If your boyfriend reads this, tell him I don't want to boff you and I'm just psychopathic and possibly schizophrenic or just don't let him read it in the first place.

Don't take this the wrong way, this should all have been said a million times over in bits and pieces slowly but I don't feel like you've ever been appreciated by me the way I wish you knew you were. If that makes sense.

May some benevolent and omnipotent being if one exists bless your kind soul.

sometimes, the biggest moments in life, can be summarized in words. no matter how big, no matter how small.. words hit, and it's the most amazing times that make this life.. absolutely........ botch.