WELCOME AUGUST..

JULY 2009
lupe fiasco - birds and the bees
jay-z - i can't get wit that
memphis bleek - when you hear that (ratatat remix)
black moon - u da man (evil dee remix)
kid cudi - switchin lanes
consequence, kanye west, john legend - whatever you want

this summer fucking sucks! i'm not like, crying over it or anything. but forreal. this is the worst summer of my life.. music, concerts, bbqs, $$, sessions, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! uhh .. 25?

you know how you see people and you're like "fuck i just wanna tell you everything!!" but you don't.. cause either the things you wanna tell them are too rude, not suitable for the location, or you're just not ready?! i'm about to break that barrier. KIND OF. no names listed. just 25 things that i want to say to 25 people. no names are needed, i think most will be able to figure out who they are. it didn't take me long to come up with 25 people, which kind of trips me out.. like shit!? really?! esco, let's go.

25 SPEECHES

1. although people think you're lazy, i love it.. but i think the only reason why i love it is because your life makes me feel better about my life. i'll always stick up for you, but i really want you to get your life on track, and i believe you can, so step your game up.

2. i always try to push my fate into your hands. i'm a big believer, i really believe that big things can happen. i wish you wouldn't doubt that all the time.. and every time i come forward with something, you seem to shut it down before i have time to finish and i HATE that. you never try and look at things the way i see them, and i always try to look at how you see things. open your eyes, just for a second, i'm still here, and you holding my hand would help me out a lot. i love you, and although i stand tall, at times you can really make me feel two inches tall.. regardless, you're my everything.. but there are times i don't think you get that. YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING. i would take a bullet for you~!! i would give my life for you! I LOVE YOU. & i will never be able to say "thank you" and "i love you" enough.

3. you're boring. that's it. you're fucking boring. everything that comes out of your mouth, bores me. i've tried, i've tried to become interested but i can't. you're rude, and you talk A LOT of shit, you bring out my flaws, and you say things that someone of your stature SHOULD NOT. if i get nothing out of this, i don't care. i'm only cutting you out of my life because keeping you in it is too hard, not because i don't want you there.

4. you really are fun.. you're a blast.. but sometimes i get worried that you think a little bit bad of me. like i'm a punk, so i try really hard to prove to you that i think you're awesome, and i really appreciate you in my life. believe me, i'm way more than grateful.

5. you're fucking beautiful, i wish you could see that.

6. i will never trust you fully again, but you've been in my life too long to shut out, and i need you.. even if i can't have that same relationship. just stop trying to please everybody, and work on what you think is RIGHT, not what you think will make people happy. FUCK PEOPLE. you run your life, YOU DO. so focus on what you want and GO FOR IT. don't feel so lonely, there are a billion people who love you, but you gotta realize that we love you for who you are, not for what the world wants you to be.

7. i feel like i don't know you at all.

8. fights on the daily, dude you got me crazy. if you lost the temper, i swear we could have a kick ass time. don't trip. life sucks but you're still around, so deal with it. don't cuss at me, i'll cuss at you, and then we just end up with broken dishes. can i get a hug and a high five please?!

9. i will NEVER, forgive you. EVER. you turned months into an infinity of hell, and i will NEVER forget that. i'm not mad anymore, i'm just disappointed. i think every month or so i ask myself, "will he ever man up?!". it's a realization of "no. he's an idiot. fuck him./" that replays over and over, and i'm finally fucking cool with that. karma gets you every day, and no matter how many times i see you with blood dripping down your face.. that will never satisfy me. i can't wait til the day i hear you're locked up, and you're headed down that route, so peace.

10. you always talk about yourself.. when someone is telling a story, you find a way to relate to it, just so their story can become your story. & you only compliment people so they'll compliment you back.. and you're cheap.

11. i think of you here and there, and i think about you.. and if you remember me. i'm not sure if you ever figured it out, but you changed my life for the better, and no one has ever helped me the way you have. you're amazing, and every time i think about you, i want to cry. you don't know how much you did for me, and i hope that one day i can tell you.. THANK YOU.

12. YOU'RE A POOOOOSER. stop pretending to like everything in the world, everybody knows you're a phony, you fucking phony. ugh. ew. die already.

13. things aren't the same anymore. i miss you.

14. i'm so jealous of you. you're pretty, you're down to earth, you're funny, and you dress fucking wicked. you're my idol, and i appreciate having you as a friend. i'm lucky.

15. you're too much for me to handle, and i don't know why i put up with it. it's a vicious cycle, and i wanna get out but i just don't know how. i don't believe anything you say anymore, but i act like i do, and i don't know why i do. one day you're gonna knock on my door, and i won't answer.. that will be the day that i've grown up.. and that will be the day you will start growing up.

16. you kinda talk like you're some ill na na sometimes. slow it down.

17. with everything that's happened, i STILL wonder how you're doing.. and although no one's really said it.. i kind of miss you.. that won't change my mind though, you're still fucking nothing to me.

18. i know it's not my place, it's my opinion.. and i know i have no right saying anything, i've been there, sure, but it's not my chair to sit in. in the end, this is YOUR life, and YOUR choices, and you're gonna do whatever you feel is right regardless of what i say. i just keep saying it because i love you to death and i hate pain. i'm not an idiot, and i'm from winnipeg. i know who talks shit about me, and i know what happens behind closed doors.. and no matter what words are being said, or what's going on, i still have so much love for you.. i never want to be controlling, trust me i don't.. i just want you to look back on life when you're 80 and say "wow.. i am so happy right now".

19. we can't. we just can't. i'm not sure if you feel the same way i do.. but we gotta step back and look at where we stand. being on the same court doesn't make us team mates. i love you, really, i fucking love you.. and it's becoming harder, and harder to maintain something so good when we both shelter everything we've ever thought from each other. i got you til the end, i promise you that. can we have a beer please.

20. I LOVE YOU. i talk about you five billion times a day.. i think about you five billion times a day.. and you're basically in my brain all the time. you're wicked.. you're amazing, and although this gets a little hard at times, i'm willing to work at it if you are.. but hold on, i got another line..

21. i wish you would just call me and say, "i'm coming over!" and then we'd draw stupid pictures the whole night.

22. don't throw your life away. you got big tings gwan.

23. i'm sorry. i don't know why, but i hold on to you clinging on to me, and that's horrible. ahahha but seriously.. you're alright dude, you're alright.

24. i wish we were closer friends, cause fuck you're soooo chill, you listen to such good music, and i just wanna talk to you all the time!!

25. wow. i've already started crying. you do that to me. every single time. i'm scared. 21 years, of being scared. i hate talking to you, but not hearing you.. i miss you so much.. i try to do everything for you and i hope it's good enough for ya. actually, it's not good enough for me, but i'm still trying. i believe in you, and there are some days when life isn't life, life is a count down. a count down to talking to you, and telling you absolutely everything. every night before i sleep, i think about what your input would be. what you would tell me what was wrong and what was right. i know i done fucked up a lot, but i still hope i'm doing okay by your liking. you're everything i strive to be, i hope i can be half the person you are. *daps.