LUCKY YOU, LUCKY ME.

When people tell me they read my blog, it still doesn't hit me. People come up to me and are like, "Yo that post on blahblahblah, so good.".. and I'm like "Really?! I wrote that ages ago?! You read that?!". So when I got this e-mail, I was shocked. After the shock, I was even more surprised to find out it was a person who I've never had a conversation with in person.. aside from that, they've been following me for over two years, and just came through with the word now.

It's crazy to think that the internet can give people something beyond hilarious cat pictures and news bloopers. It's even crazier to think that I could touch someone like that through something like the internet. I chose to fully put myself out there eleven years ago, simply for the sake of doing it. I went from writing in notebooks, to life experiences on the internet. It was never for anyone really, it was for myself. I knew that there might be a few people who hated me, and there might be a few people who felt me.. but I didn't think it would take off the way it did. When you get people who feel you like this.. Shit. That's more than I could ever expect when I sit down, light a cigarette and hit the keyboard.

For as long as I could remember, I felt that words were the most powerful thing I could get out of me. I've always loved them. I've always wanted to document my entire world. I enjoy every bit of it. The process, looking back on past pieces, and most importantly, the release of it all. I don't think I'd be Botch if I kept all of this in. I don't think I could have survived most of the things I've been through without releasing them somewhere. I mean, taking all of that and putting it out there, it kind of made everything just.. better.

This e-mail though, this e-mail.. makes every single damn blog hater, makes every friend/boyfriend who has left my life because of my blog, makes every person who has called me a hipster, makes every single bad blog day fucking worth it. I consider myself so lucky to have one person who could take what I've been through and learn from it, who could understand why I do this, and who has the courage to say "Hey Botch, Thanks". And, to know that I've done this to more than one person?! That feeling is so surreal.

Don't thank me. Let me thank you. People like you are so much of why I do this. I find that you thinking I did so much for you is making you blind to the fact that these e-mails do so much for me. You have no idea how much they do for me. They make every single fucking day better.

Blog til the death of me.

Love to the new you. A breath of fresh air is always amazing after a suffocating relationship, isn't it?! Keep trucking girl. I'll treasure your thank you's always. All my love.

ALL THE WAY FROM TEXAS.

There aren't many things that have touched me as much as this one. There is something so surreal about having an audience that reads your words and actually feels them. There is something even more surreal about that same audience connecting to you and going out of their way to try and heal you.

Well. Let me tell you how Kim from Texas did that.

This girl wrote me the most touching, heart-warming, thoughtful card I have ever received. Along with that, she included a simply beautiful piece of jewellery. Her words stated that it was a heart so my cousin could be kept close to mine, his birthstone was also on the chain, and that the angel wing reflects him always being my angel in the sky. I cried for days. No one has ever done anything so wonderful for me. No one has ever been so thoughtful, so sweet. This is the absolutely most perfect piece of anything I have ever gotten.

For that, I shall treasure this little piece of silver for the rest of my life.

I can't say thank you enough. I really can't. If I could find some way to thank you every second for the rest of my days, it still wouldn't be enough.

My dearest Kim, thank you for being a reader. Thank you for reading. Thank you for this. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You truly are one of the most treasured people to ever step into my little cyber world, and believe me when I say, you opened the door and made it a whole lot bigger. I can't wait til the day we meet. I owe you a trillion hugs.

Xoxo, all my love, Houston stand up!

BACK IN THE DAY..

Remember when stalkers were a good thing, and not so wrong like my current encounter?! I remember those days..

PEOPLE LOVE!

ANONYMOUS: I sumhow stumbld upon your twiter/tumblr and it melts my heart how you love nas (im a huge nas fan. illmatic is my #1 cd). you like ofwgkta (been on them for the whole ride since EARL came out) and the weeknd.

<3 ! Illmatic is my #1 cd too! ALL such amazing music. it's so heart-warming to know that there actually are people out there with great music taste, keep truckin.

ANONYMOUS: I just wanted to let you know that no matter what time of the day it is, or how ur feelin for the day, I think you are a beautiful person.

thank you so much. you're all sorts of wonderful.

THANK YOU!

I HAVE REACHED 1000 POSTS!

SO.. in order.. Let me thank the cities that visit this blog on the daily.. In order from the least amount of visits to the most.. Chicago, Sao Paulo, London, Baytown, Los Angeles, Fredericksburg, Sydney, Calgary, Ottawa, Norfolk, Auckland, Vancouver, Regensburg, New York, Montreal, Winston Salem, Houston, Scarborough, Brampton, Toronto.. and of course, WINNIPEG. One day I'm going to visit all of the previous mentioned.
Thanks for taking me for me, reading my rants and asshole type words. Thanks for coming back when I don't post for days. Thanks for referrals, and visits. Just thanks. I'll blog til the death of me. That's word. I know 1000 posts isn't much, especially compared to my old blog.. but just hitting that mark has made me feel satisfied in knowing that I've let out that much.. SO AGAIN, thank you.

xoxo,
Botch

THE DAY OF GREAT MOMENTS.

I have been getting nothing but love lately.. no love from the post office, but mad love from amazing people. Inspiring things that just make you realize why you have to keep going..

VIA NOTE: "Botcho you amaze me!!! I just love your "fuck the world I'm not going to adapted to my surroundings they'll adapt to me!!" sort of attitude!! & I appreciate the passion & honesty & fearlessness you exude!! I feel so fortunate to have met you!!"

VIA SPEECH: "Can I just tell you one thing? I love you because you're a free spirit. You're a free spirit, everything about you."

VIA TEXT MESSAGE: "Your blogs are amazing! I was just reading your blogs and it sounds so fun! And I love that music is your life!"

VIA E-MAIL: "..I have so much respect for you not just as a woman but as a man too lol. you. fucking. made. me. better. Like, who does that to people these days?! Like, what person in the world can make another person better by just being themself?!"

I hit a pretty hard rut last week.. and things like this, helped me to get out. I have a really low self-esteem, and that's hard to see sometimes when I throw down a really loud voice and act like everything is peachy. I'm real good at shutting things out and dwelling about them later. Not even keeping it inside.. I'm good at fucking taking everything, and only thinking about it when I'm about to sleep. Perhaps that's why I never sleep. Yo, things like this though.. things like that, they make it all fucking worth it. Blog til the death of me. THANK YOU.

A 15TH MOMENT WITH BOTCH.

i'm allergic to beer. yeah. i don't really tell people that. half of that is because i don't want people telling me not to drink it, and half of it because i feel like that sounds totally fiction. it just became an "allergy" last winter, and i was pretty heart-broken when i found out. so after a few nights of heavy beer drinking, i get hives on my arms and face. it's good times. it's basically the worst thing i could ever be allergic to. my skin is damned sensitive, and beer sets it off.. but i won't stop drinking it. it's a love/hate relationship, but mostly love. i'm really not allergic to anything else, i have never been allergic to anything.. but i'm anemic, and my immune system is shot to shit. they say it's a temporary allergy to yeast (beer has too much), and that it'll go away. so by doctor's orders, i eat as much yogurt as possible to kill off yeast so my arms and face stay non-itchy. & if that's not disgusting enough for ya, i can also throw in that i haven't shaved my legs in two weeks. hahaha. sorry gentlemen, the line starts two blocks down!
i might be friends with djs, and know some people, but i never ask for vip treatment, nor to be on any vip lists. it's just not my deal. if it's ever offered, i'll take it.. but i refuse to ever become a person looking to get anything from anyone. regardless of who i know, or how many people i know, i try to stay as humble as possible. i highly believe in equality, and i also believe that if people think i deserve something, they'll give it to me without asking.. HOWEVER, i will keep my purse by the dj booth when given the shot, but that's only cuz my drunk ass is done tired of getting my shit stolen.
the main things in my life right now are: my usuals, my boyfriend, weekends, kid cudi, nerd's nothing, cigarettes, beer, and reading. i am so obsessed with the previously mentioned right now, it's ridiculous. i can't get enough of any of that shit.
i love to eat. like seriously, love. i'm always down for new foods and things i haven't had before. sometimes i get a little nervous if it's like, duck tongue or something (which btw, is mediocre), but i'll still do it. all cultures, all styles, i love to eat. take me out !
i went through a bully stage as a kid.. and not where i was bullied, but where i was the bully. it was elementary, and this girl was my best friend. we'll call the said girl, rachel.. eventually, new friends came along, and basically told me rachel was talking shit about me. even though i knew the "new friends" were lying, it was hard for me to leave this big group of friends, so i turned on rachel. i made her life a living hell. pushing her into fences, swatting books out of her hand, calling her names in the hallway.. ugh, i was horrible. i never really apologized to her.. in high school, i made an effort to talk to her, to kind of shrug off what i did, and we became acquaintances. after that one year of being a bully, i hated myself, and made it a promise to never treat anyone like shit who was un-deserving.. i eventually started talking to anyone in school, no matter what their social status. maybe not full out conversations, but a "hi" in the hallways. i still owe her an apology though.. i hope one day to man up and do it. HOWEVER, half of me is nice to people, and half of me is still that girl with "new friends". i fight between the two constantly.
i feel like you assholes don't comment enough. this isn't a one way street people! stop bitching the fuck out! i'm kidding.. kind of.
i love reading out-loud. when a teacher called on me to read a section in class, i was so fuckin' down for that shit.
the most common comment i get about myself is that i have a nice voice.. but i can't sing for shit.
i have had about ten people total, of whom i didn't know, approach me in life and mention they read my blog. the feeling never gets dull, nor does it become more of a "reality". every time that shit happens, i'm like, really?! i still think no one reads this fucking shit.


my name is botcho, and this is my blog.

51,111 THANK YOUS.

this whole blog thing doesn't really phase me sometimes. so i have a few thousand readers, but it never really feels like it.
the whole reason i ever started blogging, was i felt it was the only way i knew HOW to do things. my mom let me have my first journal when i was five. i still have it. she had these journal type notebooks which she used for inventory lists at the restaurant she owned. she literally had piles and piles of them.. well, being a five year old at a restaurant during closing time felt like a lifetime.. for both me and her lol.. that was until i saw this one notebook that caught my eye. it had two puppies on the front cover. i loved puppies (still do) and i didn't know why else other than the love for puppies, but i had to have it. i asked my mom for it, and she immediately said yes, more than likely the thought of something keeping me busy rather than me writing a novel.
i grabbed a red pen, and sat in the booth of her empty restaurant. it made me feel important, something that was mine.. and it was very grown up. i felt like a grown up. i spend that first day writing my name. at five, it was the only thing i knew how to write/spell. i wrote it all over the inside cover, and i think i even scribbled one out because i accidentally spelled my own name wrong the first time.
but, i kept at it, every time we closed the restaurant. i'd grab my journal. soon entries filled with my days, and things i made at school. from recess, to my dad passing away.. to elementary.. to junior high.. to first crushes, and math tests.. to high school, to grad, to dates, and boyfriends.. to now. since the age of five, i have never stopped writing.. be that on the internet, or in a notebook. be that with proper grammer, or just my name over and over. i haven't stopped..
and the whole reason i do this, is because over the past seventeen years, this has become my life. & if i can get that one person who relates to a simple experience, or a traumatic event, or a fucked up night, or a party, then just for that second, i'm sitting there, back in that booth. excited about showing my mom what i wrote.
whether you've connected with me or not, whether you've commented or not.. you've helped me, to become most thankful for people who take a second out of their lives, to take a step into mine.

xoxoxxo

botch.

BABY ESCO.

a reader asked me to post a picture of my puppy, and i try to always follow through :) here she is. her name's esco and her "stop biting my ankles" training is taking a lot longer than expected. don't matter, she's a g.

WHAT DAY IS IT!?

IT'S SUNDAY, PRICKS

hey guys..!! i got some real good questions this week, so thanks for asking me!! i'm thinking i might start doing syntifik sundays a little differently with a video or something but i'm not sure.. i was going to try and start it today but i just don't have the time.. so don't hold me to that, but we'll see.. i hope everyone's weekend went well! & here's what i've been asked this week..

before you changed the song on your blog to "daddy's home" what was the previous song called? (i know it was by kid cudi but i forget the title of the track)
it's called "know why" :)

how long have you and your boyfriend been dating?
since february 2009

Top 3 favorite shoe brands?
3. vans
2. converse
1. nike

What do you always order at McDonalds?
bacon cheeseburger meal with fruitopia.. and i've recently grown to love the mcmini, PESTO, GRILLED. nomnom mother fucker, nomnom.

what type of dog do you like best?
i love huskies:) & my german Shepard cuz he's the bestest.

Favorite Disney movie? And favorite Disney character?
the little mermaid.. i like ursula when she's that black haired girl in it.. broad is hot shit. i also like belle cause she had a fucking library! i envied that shit.

What super powers would you want the most?
invisibility.. by far invisibility

Favorite Villain and why?
heath ledger as joker.. hello, he was pretty fucking pimp.. jack nicholson in the shining.. gave me shivers.. AND AS JOKER TOO! freddie krueger.. hannibal.. mark whalberg in "fear".. FUCK.. he's so hot and scary lol.. i know that's more than one, but i love the bad guys ;)

Favorite Super hero and why?
superman because hello.. superman is the shit.. he can FLY!! and catch bullets?! like what! plus he looks like my dad, so that's even cooler... AND BATMAN.. just because batman is an ordinary dude who made himself a super hero.. a single bullet could kill him, but he don't give a fuck! so if he can be a superhero, i could too.. one day.

thanks again for the questions this week, so what's up!? wanna know something?! ask me anything!!