BUSY SIGNAL.

Remember when you'd be talking to a person you were dating/crushin on, on the phone, and you're just laughing away, asking questions like, "If you had the choice to either save the world but end your life, or live on with a person you despise, what would you do?!".. and in the middle of the conversation you hear *scuffle, scuffle* *incessant dialing*. "MOM. MOM!! Hello!! MOMMMM!!! I'm on the phone!! MOM!!!!". She answers you with "Are you on the phone?!". Gawd. Yes, Mom. You messin' up my game, Mom. Hang up, Mom.

We were so lucky. Kids, today.. they'll never know what that was like.

BOUNCING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE HEALING AND THE HOLLERING.

March is get your ass on track month. I'm a sad, emotional, party-going wreck right now. Breaking down for a half hour and laughing the next. I've been fighting inner demons but maybe not to my fullest potential. I really miss my cousin. It hurts more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. BUT. I'm okay. I'm pushing and pushing to be okay. Some days, I am. Other days, I'm a little crazy. The group of people around me is so supportive that it makes anything appear possible even when I haven't achieved shit all yet. YET. Key word y'all, yet.

I'm not gonna sit here and rant about how you should feel sorry for me. I've always hated people who did that. People who feed you their petty problems. Whenever someone comes to me crying, my mind is yelling "Ugh get over it!". SO. I know how that is, people. I've never really known of a person or story of someone who was exactly where they wanted to be. I mean, everyone always wants to improve their situation, right?

I'm a private person when it comes to emotional stress, as well as emotional well-being. Although it's funny, my number one shoulder to cry on is a blog.. which in essence, isn't very private at all. Unless no one reads it, then fuck. WHERE ARE WE GOING WITH THIS?!

Okay. Here's what I really want to say. I don't want to approach the world with how I'm feeling, because I'd always rather write about it than speak it. This way it's a choice on whether you would like to see what goes on in this girl's fucked up head, or whether you'd click on to a Photo Friday. Either choice won't hurt me. I've been an independent psychopath since forever. I said psychopath as a joke, I'm really not going crazy. I am having a fun time right now. I am beginning to prioritize on paper, but need to relay these goals to reality, it's tough but I'm working on the discipline part. I am a little sad but I am handling it in a healthy way. My friends rule. Hip hop is life. Wu-Tang forever. Love is love.

Fuck you March, I'm going to destroy you.

Mean mugs, up.

OH HEY, IT'S ME BOTCH.

You may remember me from such blogs as, my livejournal.. or .. this one; which I have neglected a lot for the past few. I have no good reason, either. I mean, I have been in school, but it's not like I've been studying my ass off or anything. Quite the contrary as of late, actually.
I'm super tired. It must be that whole winter creep. As soon as I get home, I just want to go to bed. Waking up is extremely difficult.. but blah blah. First world problems.
Thanksgiving just passed. I'm Canadian, we get ours early. It was our first without Anthony. Every year, it's tradition we gather around the table and take turns saying what we're thankful for. No one was really into it this year. It was really sad. Everyone felt it, but no one said anything for a long while. Then after our dinner, there was a huge piece of cake left, and I asked who it was for. "That's for Anthony!", my cousin shot at me. It was sweet, lovely, but made me cry all over the place. We ended up carving an "A" into the icing.
Ugh, I miss him so much. I came across a picture from a concert we went to last December, he was in the background, smiling his ass off. Looking mad geeked out. I wanted to place myself back at that moment and give him the biggest hug, and tell him how much fun I was having. Super bummed. I don't even want to think about Christmas. He always gave out the best gifts, and always wrapped in newspaper. Last year he got me a Wu-Tang record and a batman tee. YOU GUYS. It's still, not, real.
I know together we're moving forward, but I feel a lot of that is because we have to. I just fucking miss you, dude. I miss you so much. Don't ever take small moments like concerts with your fave people for granted.

Saturday was a friend's birthday where he wanted everyone to dress up (formally vintage). I don't understand people who show up to theme parties not themed. Especially if you knew about it beforehand. I mean, if you're randomly showing up because you heard about it, or coming from work, fine. But the whole "too cool" to participate is all sorts of silly to me. Regardless it was super fun. Conversations with strangers and wine make for excellent Saturdays.

Deadlines and tests and exams are hitting me from all directions. One of my e-mail accounts is on lock and I have a shit load of things just cyberly milling around until I can re-access them.

It's cold out now, and tea and soup are my current boyfriend.

My mom rules.

And there's your life update.

Thanks for stopping by. Xo.

STUFF THAT HAPPENED TODAY..

I woke up at 7:45 AM. My alarm was set for 5 AM. I couldn't stop hitting the snooze. It was set for 5 AM so I could study for a final I had at 9 AM. Worst case scenario. Got stuck in traffic. A girl yelled at me, "What is your problem, bitch?!". Goodness, it's Friday, lady. Calm down. When I went to Tim Horton's to grab a coffee, a bird pooped on my arm. I walk into class at 9:20, 20 minutes late.. but eureka! I mixed my classes up, which meant my actual final was at 1:00 PM.
Ended up writing my final, with a final grade of 92%. Like a boss, that's how we do. I had a piece I had to write in another class so I went to go write it. I figured since the piece was from a Wednesday class, no one would be in the classroom. I scanned my card and entered. TO A FULL CLASS LECTURE. Oops. "Well, by the looks of it, I assume everything is going good here." I said nervously as I backed out the door. A few laughs helped the embarrassment. Headed to the lounge to kill time until that class was over and I could finally do work. "Accepted" was playing so I finished it. Not enough time was killed and the feeling of getting work done had left me and so I decided to go home. Saw a guy humping a lamp. Got a green tea frapp. These are the random details of a Friday.

New blog looking.. few glitches. I'm working on them! Xoxo.
- Botcheezy

PUKEY PANTS.

So either, A) I'm pregnant, or B) the Prometheus black gunk 3D'd itself into my system, and I am coming for all of you. Hope it's B!

If I wanted to sum up my thoughts toward Prometheus (before I got sick) it would be, the 3D isn't annoying, and everything looks awesome. The CGI in it, good show lads, good show.

In seriousness though, this pukey business really kind of sucks like a lot. Also, Rakim? Cancelled? Let the riots commence.

Also, I've been saying "also", a lot. For some reason it's quite comical to me. I thoroughly enjoy it. You can huck that shit anywhere!

I tried finishing editing today. I did about 80 pages. Which I will have to re-look over.. because every couple hours I'd have to host the puke party.

I'm feeling a little better after some Gravol and consuming 2 litres of water. I was planning on not drinking tonight, and that still is the plan.. but now that Rakim is cancelled, I think I might just try to get some more work done. We also gotta factor in the fact that my body is being an asshole.

Anyways, I'm busy. Wah.

HELP!

My bills are ridiculously high right now. So that's happening. I could pay them, but I'd much rather pay for concert tickets. Hey cell phone bill, destroy yourself. Also, I'm busy up the fucking ass. What?! Yeah. Also, I'm going to be having classes on Saturday and Sundays. I can't imagine my life being busier than it is right now, but apparently it's going that way! ACK! HELP ME.
I've started editing stories for an organization that helps people with disabilities. I'm already a week behind on that. I CAN'T FUNCTION. When's the last time I slept?! I can't remember. What is sunshine?! Where is summer? Why does four loko taste like poison?! When will I rest?!
I'm nearing sick. Scratch that, I'm really sick. I've vomited every morning for the past four mornings. It's kind of disgusting, really. I think I need sleep. I think the deprivation is starting to get to me. I HAVE NO TIME FOR SLEEP. Who sleeps!
In other news, I'm moving forward, kind of, I guess? I dunno. I need help. SOMEONE COME TYPE STUFF FOR ME. Wahhh. Dying.

I WANNA WATCH PROMETHEUS ALREADY! Did I spell that right?! Whatever. Aliens and shit! I'm too busy to blog, what am I doing here?!

TONIGHT, WE ARE YOUNG. SO WE SET THE WORLD ON FIRE..

I've only ever wanted good people, good conversation, and good music. I've been to stadium concerts and shows held in the dingiest of places with a crowd of less than 30, and still had an equally amazing experience in both. I've been too drunk to function and sober out of my mind and have had equally fun nights.
2012 has been a real asshole. I had to say goodbye to a fuck load of really good people and lost a lot. I've always prided myself on how I handle things, and this year I made a few mistakes. I let emotions get the best of me and attempted to hide them behind poor choices. That happened. I'm over it.
All I can ever do, for myself, and for the people I involve myself with is be myself. The cliché in that drives me insane to the point of not wanting to write this, but I mean it. Whoever steps into your life and appreciates you for you is worth so much.
With that said, I'm kind of crazy. I make offensive jokes, I say things that make no sense, and I test boundaries on the daily. I get really irritated, and voice my opinion really loudly. So.. I'm kind of really lucky to have people that are like, "Hey, I miss you, wanna hang out?!".
I'm not afraid to go to shows and not know the musician. I'll go to the bathroom without a gal pal linked to my arm. I'll explore other rooms on my own. I'll talk to strangers expecting nothing more than a few night sentences.
I've learned that only a select amount of people will dance with you in the street. Only a select amount will attend a party where they know no one. Only a select amount will light off fireworks at 3 am and walk through the streets in the rain. Only a select amount refuse to ask, "What's going on there?!", "Who's all going?!" or "I don't know that band.". Sometimes, you're lucky enough to find the people who don't give a fuck about all of that.. and they just go, they.. just do.

My best nights, my best days, have been the days where I haven't said "No". The best ones have been the ones that were un-called for. Sometimes you just gotta take a leap, because you never know what music, what conversation or what new person is waiting for you around the corner.

So. This goes out to you. This goes out to summer. This goes out to the nights I'll forever remember. Thanks, it's been going to be a fucking blast. We loko, mayne.

BLAHBLAHBLURB.

First. Let me apologize because this entry has no format and won't make much sense.. you probably shouldn't even read it.

I came to post an entry, knowing that I wanted to post an entry.. I just didn't have a full grasp on what it was going to be about. Originally I was going to write about letting people go. I wrote about six sentences before I decided it was wack and to start over.

I don't know what the fuck. So let's just start with this..

I worked today. I had edited stories for dude, and forgot the drafts at home. Bad start. I went to buy smokes after work, and when I got there, I got distracted by a sale on candy and energy shots. I forgot to get smokes. I came home. Mowed the lawn. Did the dishes. Started laundry. Then decided it was time to go buy smokes. When I got there, they were sold out of Belmonts. I decided to wait until tomorrow. I have a zillion things to do, and don't know where to start. Help.

You know what I really, really, really want right now? A vacation.

I learned something about myself this weekend. I am really quiet around new people. That's super weird to me, because generally I'm a very loud and social person. Perhaps it isn't "new people" really.. but I can't think of the right term. Maybe, friends who are really close who I'm just meeting/getting to know. I wasn't uncomfortable either, just quiet.

I had a really good weekend.

I'd love a slurpee.

Alex is starting to look like Joe Budden.

I miss my mom.

I miss people a lot.

I'm hungry.. and want ice cream. I always want ice cream (except for when I'm eating ice cream).

The Much Music VMA's are so lame.

I hate LMFAO. Guys, your days were over after shots, alright?

I really enjoy cryptoquip puzzles in the morning. I get pretty amped about them. Does this make me old? I hope not. ONE COFFEE AND A CRYPTOQUIP PLEASE. Mmm yum, I should make coffee.

I finally watched Drive! Unnnffff to Ryan Gosling. What a freaking stud he is. AND THAT SOUNDTRACK. Holy smokes, dudes! It's so good.

What?!

Bye.

STUFFZ.

My computer won't read my memory card.
Coachella pictures are taking longer to upload than Lupe's album
That joke sucked, my apologies.
I mowed my lawn, my neighbor wins.
Maybe since he loves mowing lawns so much, he should just mow mine.
It was fucking hot out today.
Have you guys listened to Fiona Apple yet? I like her a lot.
I could listen to Climax for a really long time.
The new Hypetrak is so ugly.
UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Blah.
I wish my friends would have a BBQ.. with veggie burgers.
Hey guys remember when we'd stay up real late and go to work the next day?!
Yeah. Those were the days. I got like 12 hours of sleep last night and still felt haggered.
It's funny how that works though. Week days I need my sleep.
Weekends, I can party til 6 in the morning and work at 8 in the morning. HOW!
Alex got a hell of a lot better at scrabble, you guys. He's all about the double word.
I miss Perla. I wish she was here with mango four loko and we were jumping all night.
My life vacation ends in two months. I am not looking forward to it.
I'm super nervous because I'm already exhausted like.. all the time.


Hi. It's Thursday.

WHAT'S NEW WITH YOU BOTCH?

Hey guys..! I must apologize for the lack of blogging lately. I mean, missing one day is really like missing a year, isn't it?!

2012 has really been kind of strange to me. I haven't been working on what I need to get done as much. I keep ignoring everything and telling myself I'll do it later. The term "later" doesn't really have a set date.. which means I basically end up not doing anything remotely close to what I need to do.

I don't want to think about it. I know I should, but I'm going to cling to putting everything off because this break is so needed.

I have been to nine different cities this year. Nine is the number I can think of right now, it could be more. It is more actually, because I just remembered another one. I always seem to do that. Get out of the place when times get tough. It works for me.

I miss Anthony a lot. I think about him all the time when I'm out with people and bite my tongue. I immediately fill my mind with a song or a sitcom clip. It's really hard. It's going to be hard forever, I know that. I'm a little more at peace with the fact I am finally in an acceptance stage over a grieving stage. Tears still flow though.

I've been thinking about moving my blog. Or at least.. re-vamping it. I really don't feel like html'ing and shit all by myself. The whole look of it really bums me out. It's so amateur and basic. I still want things to be clean, I just want it to function better and be more eye-pleasing. Maybe I can convince Bonibelle to help me once we're both in the same city. YEAHYEAH, help me! I haven't opened photoshop in like three years. Yikes.

I haven't been watching TV much. Started to finally finish about five books that have bookmarks half way through. It felt almost tedious at first. As if I was forcing it. One finished book later, I can't stop. It feels good again.

I've also been debating on whether or not I should add a writer to my blog. Truth is, I'm not here enough. I think the concept is really cool, but the narcissus in me tells me not to do it. All up in the air with my jumbled brain!

I'm going to make "later", June 15th. That's my set date for commencing "real life". Til then, please hold off all requests that make me think too much.

It's Friday. Can we have fun?