THANK YOU.

LUCKY YOU, LUCKY ME.

When people tell me they read my blog, it still doesn't hit me. People come up to me and are like, "Yo that post on blahblahblah, so good.".. and I'm like "Really?! I wrote that ages ago?! You read that?!". So when I got this e-mail, I was shocked. After the shock, I was even more surprised to find out it was a person who I've never had a conversation with in person.. aside from that, they've been following me for over two years, and just came through with the word now.

It's crazy to think that the internet can give people something beyond hilarious cat pictures and news bloopers. It's even crazier to think that I could touch someone like that through something like the internet. I chose to fully put myself out there eleven years ago, simply for the sake of doing it. I went from writing in notebooks, to life experiences on the internet. It was never for anyone really, it was for myself. I knew that there might be a few people who hated me, and there might be a few people who felt me.. but I didn't think it would take off the way it did. When you get people who feel you like this.. Shit. That's more than I could ever expect when I sit down, light a cigarette and hit the keyboard.

For as long as I could remember, I felt that words were the most powerful thing I could get out of me. I've always loved them. I've always wanted to document my entire world. I enjoy every bit of it. The process, looking back on past pieces, and most importantly, the release of it all. I don't think I'd be Botch if I kept all of this in. I don't think I could have survived most of the things I've been through without releasing them somewhere. I mean, taking all of that and putting it out there, it kind of made everything just.. better.

This e-mail though, this e-mail.. makes every single damn blog hater, makes every friend/boyfriend who has left my life because of my blog, makes every person who has called me a hipster, makes every single bad blog day fucking worth it. I consider myself so lucky to have one person who could take what I've been through and learn from it, who could understand why I do this, and who has the courage to say "Hey Botch, Thanks". And, to know that I've done this to more than one person?! That feeling is so surreal.

Don't thank me. Let me thank you. People like you are so much of why I do this. I find that you thinking I did so much for you is making you blind to the fact that these e-mails do so much for me. You have no idea how much they do for me. They make every single fucking day better.

Blog til the death of me.

Love to the new you. A breath of fresh air is always amazing after a suffocating relationship, isn't it?! Keep trucking girl. I'll treasure your thank you's always. All my love.

ALL THE WAY FROM TEXAS.

There aren't many things that have touched me as much as this one. There is something so surreal about having an audience that reads your words and actually feels them. There is something even more surreal about that same audience connecting to you and going out of their way to try and heal you.

Well. Let me tell you how Kim from Texas did that.

This girl wrote me the most touching, heart-warming, thoughtful card I have ever received. Along with that, she included a simply beautiful piece of jewellery. Her words stated that it was a heart so my cousin could be kept close to mine, his birthstone was also on the chain, and that the angel wing reflects him always being my angel in the sky. I cried for days. No one has ever done anything so wonderful for me. No one has ever been so thoughtful, so sweet. This is the absolutely most perfect piece of anything I have ever gotten.

For that, I shall treasure this little piece of silver for the rest of my life.

I can't say thank you enough. I really can't. If I could find some way to thank you every second for the rest of my days, it still wouldn't be enough.

My dearest Kim, thank you for being a reader. Thank you for reading. Thank you for this. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You truly are one of the most treasured people to ever step into my little cyber world, and believe me when I say, you opened the door and made it a whole lot bigger. I can't wait til the day we meet. I owe you a trillion hugs.

Xoxo, all my love, Houston stand up!

SAID IT'D BE ALRIGHT.. BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW.

Smoke. Coffee. Lex. Teej. Bonibelle. Tina. Eliza. Colin. Maribeth. Kaitlin. Kalliane. Niki. Perla. Meaghan. Bianca. Amber. Richard. Bex. Manna. My brother. My sister. Mom. Beer. Wine. Jamie. Brian. Esco. Beer. Cousins. Family. The Albert. Vodka. Take-out. Symphonies. Music. Hip hop. Death Cab. Oliver Tank. Text messages. Phone calls. Notebooks. Pillows. Sunglasses. Tears. Belmonts. Movies. Youtube. Sweatpants. Lipstick. Hot showers. Car rides. City lights. Airplanes. Backpacks. Puddles. Rain boots. Sneakers. Boat shoes. Dreams. Blurry moments. Whispers. Pets. Heels. Jewellery. Credit card. Canada. Waterfalls. Letters. College. Sleep. Tub. The Foreign Exchange. Loud speakers. Winnipeg. Toronto. Montreal. Flowers. Niagra. Books. Authors. Soups. Tea. Honey. Kind strangers. Thesaurus. English. Compliments. Fireworks. Long nights. Early mornings. Support. Hugs. Kuya Anthony.



.. thank you.

BIRTHDAY THANK YOU'S.

Now before I get into my picture post from my birthday, there are a few thank you's I feel are needed. When my birthday comes along, it's right after New Year's and Christmas, so I'm pretty used to everyone bailing and wanting to just relax. It's so over-whelmingly wonderful when I get so much love. My birthday last year was an absolute gutter birthday. This year though, everyone made me feel extremely awesome, and appreciative of what I HAVE. I don't give a fuck if you don't give me shit, simple things like greetings made this day one of the BEST days in a long time. I haven't been that happy in forever! & I owe it to a few people:
My family, for attending a wonderful dinner at Ichiban. Even though I was really sick, I was really happy to have all of my favorite family members sitting at one table..! & to my lovely sister for setting the whole thing up! And my tea cup that I will use til the end of time! She does great things. To my mom who made me a beaaauutiful mocha cake. To Tina for bringing me a caramel cake, that I devoured.
To Perla, for knowing my love for Wu-Tang and jewellery, and the sweetest card ever. To Maribeth for the favorite show she put me on. To Lex, for a VERY well-written letter, that didn't need any editing! And for my new favorite gadget, my bloggie! I love it so much! To Eliza for making sure everyone knew it was my birthday and all the things she ever does for me, even when it's not my birthday. Fuck that, it's my birthday every day. Haha. To Anthony for my shirt! To Colin, for lighting off fireworks for Matt, pure bliss! And amazing eye candy type literature! To B, for my favorite Michael Cera movie! To my twerk team, for being so fabulous, all the time!
To the Greenroom staff, and Megan! An excellent and beautiful server who held the best bottle service! To Kev, for giving me a booth and for treating us so good, all the time. To Dave, for always taking my ignant ways and accepting them! And for all the good you give us! All the time. To my favorite dj's in the world, Tim and Lon! For playing my favorite songs (all the time), but even more so on my birthday! When I heard Midnight City, I nearly died, and to Tim for singing me happy birthday and making me die of laughter!

And of course, to anyone I missed, everyone I that greeted me. The BBM names, the texts, the phone calls, the tweets, the facebook messages, the letters, the blog entries, the e-mails, and to every single person that attended, or couldn't but made me feel loved anyway. *Sigh. Best birthday ever. Love you all sooo much. Thank you!!

THANK YOU!

I HAVE REACHED 1000 POSTS!

SO.. in order.. Let me thank the cities that visit this blog on the daily.. In order from the least amount of visits to the most.. Chicago, Sao Paulo, London, Baytown, Los Angeles, Fredericksburg, Sydney, Calgary, Ottawa, Norfolk, Auckland, Vancouver, Regensburg, New York, Montreal, Winston Salem, Houston, Scarborough, Brampton, Toronto.. and of course, WINNIPEG. One day I'm going to visit all of the previous mentioned.
Thanks for taking me for me, reading my rants and asshole type words. Thanks for coming back when I don't post for days. Thanks for referrals, and visits. Just thanks. I'll blog til the death of me. That's word. I know 1000 posts isn't much, especially compared to my old blog.. but just hitting that mark has made me feel satisfied in knowing that I've let out that much.. SO AGAIN, thank you.

xoxo,
Botch

THE LIST FULL OF WITHDRAWLS.

Waking up in the afternoon, going to sleep when people were grabbing breakfast, metro cards and subways, hip hop and ferries, skirts and lipstick, not giving a fuck, fancy dinners with martinis, 8th street, bleeker and thompson, the L train, wining, dining, shopping, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND most importantly.. Perla. SHE SAID IT BEST. We miss you too Perla, MORE THAN YOU KNOW. Fuck everyone else right now, Perla has stepped up to the plate and has easily become one of my best friends. Although we're currently in a long distance relationship, I am keeping her in my life forever because she is amazing, beautiful, and is down for whatever. I have never felt this way about a female before. YES HOMO!

I am going crazy without Alex. It's insane how warm this dude keeps me at night. Not to mention how you get to have sex whenever the fuck you want. AND HIS SMELL. Good god I miss his smell so fucking much.. the way he would smirk from across the table when we'd eat a meal together. Watching sports highlights and making out during commercials. Or even simpler things, like saying "Good morning!" or, "Have a good day at work!". OH. How simple things were. You really appreciate those tiny things when they're taken away.. How he holds my butt or boob when we sleep. How he's always willing to give up my favorite pillow for my comfort. When we'd brush our teeth together. When he'd watch me put on make up. Hearing his heartbeat. Driving myself fucking crazy. I need this man back in my life before I kills myself lol.

I feel like no one really gives a fuck anymore. I mean, I get it. Everyone's busy, has their own shit.. OR, they're happy with the way things are. They're happy with the same 'ol parties, the same 'ol shit, the same 'ol shit job.. I'M NOT. I can't live my life that way. I'm certainly one of the people who always took the slow, easy, route.. but I've also taken the time to say, there are things in life that you just gotta grab. In grade 8, I didn't have a ride home.. and got offered one from Maribeth. From then on, she grew to be my best friend. After high school, I randomly hung out with Bianca.. we became best friends. I flew to Toronto for an interview, and met my boyfriend. I wanted to go to New York, I met Perla, my second boyfriend.

The biggest risks in life bring you the greatest rewards. I'm not only going to continue to take them, but I'm going to take even more. I refuse to be one of the zombies acting like they're pleased with whatever. I'm not pleased living an ordinary life. After meeting such amazing people, I have learned that there is so much more out there for me, FOR US.. & I will continue to use my youth to explore the fuck out of it.

So.. Alex and Perla are currently my main goals in life.

Big shout out to anyone else who's feeding me awesome right now. I see you. (BONIBELLE!). It's times like these you really see who gives a fuck about you, and who you don't gotta call anymore. I'm just saying.. To everyone else, you can go suck it.

But for now, Kool Keith is first. Happy Tuesday.

THE DAY OF GREAT MOMENTS.

I have been getting nothing but love lately.. no love from the post office, but mad love from amazing people. Inspiring things that just make you realize why you have to keep going..

VIA NOTE: "Botcho you amaze me!!! I just love your "fuck the world I'm not going to adapted to my surroundings they'll adapt to me!!" sort of attitude!! & I appreciate the passion & honesty & fearlessness you exude!! I feel so fortunate to have met you!!"

VIA SPEECH: "Can I just tell you one thing? I love you because you're a free spirit. You're a free spirit, everything about you."

VIA TEXT MESSAGE: "Your blogs are amazing! I was just reading your blogs and it sounds so fun! And I love that music is your life!"

VIA E-MAIL: "..I have so much respect for you not just as a woman but as a man too lol. you. fucking. made. me. better. Like, who does that to people these days?! Like, what person in the world can make another person better by just being themself?!"

I hit a pretty hard rut last week.. and things like this, helped me to get out. I have a really low self-esteem, and that's hard to see sometimes when I throw down a really loud voice and act like everything is peachy. I'm real good at shutting things out and dwelling about them later. Not even keeping it inside.. I'm good at fucking taking everything, and only thinking about it when I'm about to sleep. Perhaps that's why I never sleep. Yo, things like this though.. things like that, they make it all fucking worth it. Blog til the death of me. THANK YOU.