A 23RD MOMENT WITH BOTCH.

i debated for quite some time whether or not i should actually do this post. i mean, embarrassing moments are tormenting on their own, but actually.. re-living them? writing about them? throwing them on the internet for anybody to take a gander at?! well, fuck it. the most powerful way to over-come these moments, and more importantly, to laugh at them should come from saying "hey, my name's botch, and i don't give a fuck!"

25 EMBARRASSING BOTCH MOMENTS

1. THE FACEBOOK INCIDENT
i went to this really crazy party.. it was freeeaking awesome. the music was fab, and the night didn't end til 6 in the morning. i went to bed, only to wake up two hours later thinking "mannn last night was sooo fun!" and it was fun thanks to a someone we'll call "john doe". john doe was the person who fed me the party invite.. so i figured i'd write on his wall and say something along the lines of "yo, last night, yo." or something. so i grabbed my berry, and typed in "john doe" in the search bar. he didn't appear. so i'm all, "wtf did this mother fucker delete me?! the audacity!". i try again, and again, and in frustration i give up. i go back to bed.. when i wake up, i go to work. write a blog entry, whatever. & come back on facebook.. only to see my statuses have become "john doe", "john", "john doe", "john d" OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. i typed his name as my status instead of the search bar. i have never deleted anything so fast.

2. THE PREGNANCY INCIDENT
i saw a friend at the bank, and said "CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE PREGNANT?!" and she blatently said, "no". ayeesh. whoops.

3. THE GOOD OLD WAVE BACK
you know the whole waving at someone who you thought was someone you knew.. or smiled at someone you thought you knew.. only realizing you don't know them.. at all. well i've done worse. i've actually been behind a person, and said "BONIBELLE, YOU BITCH!". the girl turned around, and it wasn't bonibelle. i freaked, and whispered, "just kidding" and sped walk into the distance.

4. THE CAR INCIDENT
so i had been dating this guy for about a month or so.. and during that month, he drove an f150. every day after class, he would pick me up.. well i was going to night classes, and he picked me up as always. he texts me saying he's outside. so i go outside to his f150, and he won't let me in.. so i'm like "open the door!". i look up to see a guy, who ISN'T the guy i'm dating. i had a cigarette in my mouth, and my reaction was "you don't have a lighter?!" and the dude shook his head in confusion.. that was as cool as i could play it! when i walked to the PROPER f150, which was parked infront of the wrong one, my ex asked, "did you just try to get into that truck?!" and i was all, "no no, i knew the person".. we both knew that he knew i was lying.

5. GRABBING SOMEONE ELSE'S CART
"HEY! HEY! THAT'S MINE!" *botch continues shopping* "UHM, EXCUSE ME, YOU HAVE MY CART *grabs handle*" oh.. sorry.

6. SOMEONE SAYING "HI" TO YOU
except it wasn't for botch, it was for the person behind botch.. "how you doing?!" "OHH GOOD THANKS!" .. do i have an echo or? oh. nope. they were talking to the person behind me. that's nice.

7. GUM FALL-OUT
i chew a lot of gum, especially if i'm out or at work.. and there has been one too many occasions where i've been talking and my gum has fallen out of my mouth. i've gotten so used to it, that i don't even get embarrassed by it anymore. it's like, whatever, expect it from me.

8. THE THONG INCIDENT
the place where i get my eyebrows done requires you to take off your shoes upon entry. it was really busy this day. after getting the eyebrows did, i sat down to put my shoes on. when my thong falls on to the floor. i had done laundry the day before, and one had snuck into my jeans pant leg and fallen out upon bending. i was fucking mortified, grabbed that shit, giggled the word "laundry" embarrassed and booked it outta there.

9. "I CAN SEE YOUR BUTT."
that was what james said to me after a 6 hour school day. apparently my tights were see through in the ass area. "i can see your butt, g-string". 6 hours of wandering around school.. with my junk on display.

10. THE FALL AT HALLOWEEN
omg, worst slip ever. slipped on the dance floor, feet straight in the air, almost a backward flip.

11. THE SUBWAY INCIDENT
so after a yankee game, i hop on the 6 train. picture this, the end of a yankee game, FULL SUBWAY. so i get on, and it smells hoooorrrible. smells like poop. & this guy literally keeps looking at me, and right when he's about to say something alex notices, and says "botch, close your purse". my purse was open. so i close it. the guy next to me then says "i wasn't about to tell you your bag was open, i was about to tell you you have bird poop all over it, and now it's on your hands".. so now the entire subway car not only notices this smell is coming from me, but now this hot ass guy is telling me i'm covered in pigeon poop. he gives me his bottle of water and some napkins to try and handle the situation, but in a full subway, it did not go well. i spent the whole half hour on this subway with my hands covered in smeared pigeon poop. curse the pigeons! this is probably my most embarrassing moment ever.

12. JEAN RIP
my jeans ripped in home ec, circa grade 9. i grabbed a textbook, and left without saying where i was going. i went to my locker to see if i had any sweats or gym shorts, but had nothing. i then saw this girl who was wearing a long ass sweater walking down the hallway. i asked her to give it to me for the day, and she complied. luckily.. but still, about five people in home ec saw my bum.

13. PINEAPPLES
girl: i can't bang him tonight, i'm wearing ugly underwear.
botch: dude, i'm wearing fuckin' scratch and sniff underwear, with pineapples on it.
girl: YOU'RE WEARING SCRATCH N SNIFF PINEAPPLE UNDERWEAR?!
random stranger: what's that now?
botch: thanks for saying that discreetly.

14. THE BASKETBALL INCIDENT
we were down by four with about three minutes left, and i was playing point guard. for some reason, i ended up really close to the sideline, not wanting to step out of bounce, i had to lift my right leg.. and not wanting to travel, i hopped on my left foot, and my left foot only for about five dribbles. my basketball coach immediately started laughing "botcho use two feet!" yeah okay, thanks.

15. THE ESCALTOR INCIDENT
i was telling my friend a story, a funny story, at the mall. they were laughing stupid hard. i thought i was hilarious, til i realized they were laughing at me because i was standing on a broken non-working escalator for about five minutes.

16. CHANGE FOR LAWYERS
i was in this busy business district during lunch time. lawyers and business people everywhere, when i dropped my change purse and about $10 of change in nickels, and dimes, went everywhere. no one even stopped to help me. :(

17. CHANGE AT HARVEY'S
i was on my first date with my first boyfriend.. when my wallet broke at the front of the line. pennies fell out everyyyywhhhere and as he was ordering he laughed and said, "i got this". I HAVE MONEY I SWEAR IT. i really need to start carrying less change.

18. BASKETBALL DISASTER
so i never drink carbonated drinks, but during this one basketball game my mom for some reason, filled my water bottle with 7up. it was a pretty rough basketball game, and there was crazy tension with the other team. i thought i was a little thug at this time, and during half time i was one of the last to put my basketball away. this girl was on the bench mean-muggin me hard, and so i looked at her and said "what up bitch", then i opened my water bottle.. and the carbonation made 7up spray all over me. even though we won ;), the second half was brutal.

19. DENTAL TECH BUNSEN BURNERS
so in dental technology (what i took in school) you use bunsen burners to heat up your tools when you're waxing denture models or whatever.. well i turned on the gas for mine and it wasn't working.. it just wouldn't light. then i noticed the cord was a little twisted, i fixed it and re-lit.. and WHOOF! a big flame, and it burned my finger.. to this day i don't have hair on two of my right fingers.. thanks bonibelle for laughing as hard as you did.

20. THE WALK AND TEXT
don't walk and text, you'll bump into people, or you'll laugh at a text and then bump into people. i still do it, and i still bump into people.. and once a pole.

21. NIP SLIPS
strapless bras are bogus.. and this was at the bar. luckily only bianca saw, i think. i hope. lol

22. CAUGHT IN THE ACT
i won't go into detail, but it's happened.

23. BOTCH FOR SALE
i went shopping and when i do, i come home and try everything on.. i was dead tired and threw everything on my bed and fell asleep. i had work the next day and woke up a little late.. so i brushed my teeth and booked it outta there.. about half an hour into work someone said "you have a price tag stuck to your forehead". HALF AN HOUR LATER!

24. "ELIZA I REALLY LIKE JOHN DOE, HE'S SO DREAMY!"
but accidentally sending the text to john doe, instead of eliza.

25. WALKING INTO THE WRONG CLASS
damn you college and some of your non-labelled doors.. and your full classes.. and me sitting down realizing it's the totally wrong class and having to get up and leave again.

my name is botch, i'm embarrassing, & this, is my blog.