JULY WAS A RIOT.

 

 A LOT HAS HAPPENED LATELY. I broke away from hardship, I fought for love, I had to go to the hospital, I was approved for a mortgage, I crashed my bike, I busted up my hand, I met new friends, I cried, I laughed, I wrote, I read poems in front of strangers, I got a promotion, I started renovations, I started consistent counselling, I started a podcast with a friend, I started a new project to help the homeless, I dyed my hair, AND I DANCED MY ASS OFF, all in the midst of a pandemic (in the safest of ways possible, of course). 

This playlist definitely is a sum of everything from all over the map. I went through a bit of an indie wave, a lil bit of a punk wave, a lil bit of a sad wave.. it all hit me this month, OH BUT WHEN DOES IT NOT. 

My main take away this summer is: I'm accepting that people really could give a fuck about me, regardless of how much they pretended to in the past. And honestly, at least for today, I am okay with that. The only person you need to carry you is you. I hope you find a song that helps give you some muscle to carry the weight. 

My current closest circle is keeping me happy and the swim is every bit of refreshing. Ride the wave, baby. 

Xo, 

Botch

TONIGHT, WE ARE YOUNG. SO WE SET THE WORLD ON FIRE..

I've only ever wanted good people, good conversation, and good music. I've been to stadium concerts and shows held in the dingiest of places with a crowd of less than 30, and still had an equally amazing experience in both. I've been too drunk to function and sober out of my mind and have had equally fun nights.
2012 has been a real asshole. I had to say goodbye to a fuck load of really good people and lost a lot. I've always prided myself on how I handle things, and this year I made a few mistakes. I let emotions get the best of me and attempted to hide them behind poor choices. That happened. I'm over it.
All I can ever do, for myself, and for the people I involve myself with is be myself. The cliché in that drives me insane to the point of not wanting to write this, but I mean it. Whoever steps into your life and appreciates you for you is worth so much.
With that said, I'm kind of crazy. I make offensive jokes, I say things that make no sense, and I test boundaries on the daily. I get really irritated, and voice my opinion really loudly. So.. I'm kind of really lucky to have people that are like, "Hey, I miss you, wanna hang out?!".
I'm not afraid to go to shows and not know the musician. I'll go to the bathroom without a gal pal linked to my arm. I'll explore other rooms on my own. I'll talk to strangers expecting nothing more than a few night sentences.
I've learned that only a select amount of people will dance with you in the street. Only a select amount will attend a party where they know no one. Only a select amount will light off fireworks at 3 am and walk through the streets in the rain. Only a select amount refuse to ask, "What's going on there?!", "Who's all going?!" or "I don't know that band.". Sometimes, you're lucky enough to find the people who don't give a fuck about all of that.. and they just go, they.. just do.

My best nights, my best days, have been the days where I haven't said "No". The best ones have been the ones that were un-called for. Sometimes you just gotta take a leap, because you never know what music, what conversation or what new person is waiting for you around the corner.

So. This goes out to you. This goes out to summer. This goes out to the nights I'll forever remember. Thanks, it's been going to be a fucking blast. We loko, mayne.

LUCKY YOU, LUCKY ME.

When people tell me they read my blog, it still doesn't hit me. People come up to me and are like, "Yo that post on blahblahblah, so good.".. and I'm like "Really?! I wrote that ages ago?! You read that?!". So when I got this e-mail, I was shocked. After the shock, I was even more surprised to find out it was a person who I've never had a conversation with in person.. aside from that, they've been following me for over two years, and just came through with the word now.

It's crazy to think that the internet can give people something beyond hilarious cat pictures and news bloopers. It's even crazier to think that I could touch someone like that through something like the internet. I chose to fully put myself out there eleven years ago, simply for the sake of doing it. I went from writing in notebooks, to life experiences on the internet. It was never for anyone really, it was for myself. I knew that there might be a few people who hated me, and there might be a few people who felt me.. but I didn't think it would take off the way it did. When you get people who feel you like this.. Shit. That's more than I could ever expect when I sit down, light a cigarette and hit the keyboard.

For as long as I could remember, I felt that words were the most powerful thing I could get out of me. I've always loved them. I've always wanted to document my entire world. I enjoy every bit of it. The process, looking back on past pieces, and most importantly, the release of it all. I don't think I'd be Botch if I kept all of this in. I don't think I could have survived most of the things I've been through without releasing them somewhere. I mean, taking all of that and putting it out there, it kind of made everything just.. better.

This e-mail though, this e-mail.. makes every single damn blog hater, makes every friend/boyfriend who has left my life because of my blog, makes every person who has called me a hipster, makes every single bad blog day fucking worth it. I consider myself so lucky to have one person who could take what I've been through and learn from it, who could understand why I do this, and who has the courage to say "Hey Botch, Thanks". And, to know that I've done this to more than one person?! That feeling is so surreal.

Don't thank me. Let me thank you. People like you are so much of why I do this. I find that you thinking I did so much for you is making you blind to the fact that these e-mails do so much for me. You have no idea how much they do for me. They make every single fucking day better.

Blog til the death of me.

Love to the new you. A breath of fresh air is always amazing after a suffocating relationship, isn't it?! Keep trucking girl. I'll treasure your thank you's always. All my love.

ALL THE WAY FROM TEXAS.

There aren't many things that have touched me as much as this one. There is something so surreal about having an audience that reads your words and actually feels them. There is something even more surreal about that same audience connecting to you and going out of their way to try and heal you.

Well. Let me tell you how Kim from Texas did that.

This girl wrote me the most touching, heart-warming, thoughtful card I have ever received. Along with that, she included a simply beautiful piece of jewellery. Her words stated that it was a heart so my cousin could be kept close to mine, his birthstone was also on the chain, and that the angel wing reflects him always being my angel in the sky. I cried for days. No one has ever done anything so wonderful for me. No one has ever been so thoughtful, so sweet. This is the absolutely most perfect piece of anything I have ever gotten.

For that, I shall treasure this little piece of silver for the rest of my life.

I can't say thank you enough. I really can't. If I could find some way to thank you every second for the rest of my days, it still wouldn't be enough.

My dearest Kim, thank you for being a reader. Thank you for reading. Thank you for this. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You truly are one of the most treasured people to ever step into my little cyber world, and believe me when I say, you opened the door and made it a whole lot bigger. I can't wait til the day we meet. I owe you a trillion hugs.

Xoxo, all my love, Houston stand up!