I THOUGHT THAT I WAS DREAMING WHEN YOU SAID YOU LOVE ME..

I remember being alone in my Mom and Dad's room, at around the age of 8. I remember staring at the ceiling, trying hard to see my Dad. Searching and searching, seeing strobes of color from looking at the light too long, but never seeing him. I begged for it. I pleaded to the ceiling, to give me anything. "GIVE ME ANYTHING!", I sobbed. I'd spend hours here, I never let my pain show. I hid my pain from Mom, because even at 8, I understood I had to be strong for the both of us. These ceiling searching moments were the only time I ever showed weakness. Waiting. Waiting for Dad to tell me he existed, that he didn't leave me.

Every new moment of pain, I still find myself, looking at the ceiling, searching for answers I never receive. I pay close attention to different sounds, the slight buzzing of a light, the creaks of my house, the wind against the window, a car driving past, but none of it is ever what I'm looking for. I'm not even sure I know what I'm looking for, ever. But I know it isn't *this*.

I'm really sad right now. I feel really empty right now. I'm an atheist now, so I no longer search for spirits, for voices, for faces, but for some reason, I just can't stop searching the ceiling for something real. Perhaps it's still *wishing* on Dad, perhaps it's less.

I thought that I was dreaming when you said you love me
The start of nothing
I had no chance to prepare
I couldn't see you coming
The start of nothing
I could hate you now
It's quite alright to hate me now
When we both know that deep down
The feeling still deep down is good
If I could see through walls, I could see you're faking
If you could see my thoughts you would see our faces

DAD AND GOOD DEEDS DAY.

Tomorrow marks 19 years in my dad's passing. To celebrate the superman that touched the lives of many, I am leaving a sneak attack sack of kindness in a lower income neighborhood. My good deeds day bag couldn't have come at a better time!

What's included:
4 rolls of toilet paper
Package of facial tissue (8)
1 box of tea
2 bottles of water
Canned chili
Granola bars
Juice boxes
2 toothbrushes
Shampoo and conditioner
4 memo pads
5 pens
4 packages of instant noodles
Bandaids
1 reusable water bottle.
Baby wipes
Emergency weather poncho
1 deck of cards
1 flashlight
1 canned coffee
Deodorant
Toothpaste
6 individual jellos

My dad always gave us everything so we could give back. Love is love.

You can find out more about Good Deeds Day here: http://gdd.goodnet.org/
And also what we do! Here: http://thegaryeffect.ca/

LOVE IS LOVE.

My parents had that commercial, home-run, movie, romance novel, never fading kind of love. That real real kind of love. They had so much of it, they were able to share it with three kids and a huge collective of nieces and nephews. They are love. And love is love. Today is their wedding anniversary. To honor them, my sister and brother in-law also got married this day. SO MUCH LOVE ON NOVEMBER SECOND! It's also COMIC CON WEEKEND, and HALLOWEEN WEEKEND PART TWO! Hoorah!

JUST KEEP SHINING.

If someone who didn't know me asked me what life was like, I'd say, "I work my ass off then mellow out and have solo dance parties at music festivals a lot". This one I attended with my grandma, she didn't mind the naked people all over the place, and she loved my pink boots. So I really know where my inner music hippie came from.

An eclectic mix of music. Bluegrass, reggae, electronic, hip hop, rock. A little poppy, but worth every cent. $25 for a weekend?! Not to mention my uncle put on an excellent firework show!

More deets after the jump.

FOREVER MY FAVE FIREWORK IN THE SKY.

"Hey, this really is the greatest country in the world. We just like to help people remember that.."

-DAD.

Every Canada Day, I get super emotional. This past week has been a real test to see just how well I can maintain tears and laughter.. at the same damn time;) It's so easy to admire someone who gave back to the community. Someone who put on a firework display, gave out free hot dogs and burgers, free drinks, simply because.. they loved the community, and this country. I'm even luckier to have had that person as my dad.



Canada Days without you just aren't the same. Forever remembering every single thing you gave me, every single firework, every single hot dog, every single smile.. and by smile, I mean the ones you gave to thousands. You did that! You showed such love to complete strangers, and I owe every bit of kindness in me, to that.

If I could ever become even just a speck of what you are.. if ever I am JUST that, just a speck, I am thankful. You are the most amazing man to ever have graced my life, and I miss you more today than ever.. these tears keep coming, but I use the moments to keep every memory alive.

Happy 145th birthday, Canada. The greatest country in the world.

FLYER.

Thanks for this one, Leah. He's wearing my dad's shirt in this pic. Love, love, love.

A TRIBUTE.

My dad was always looking for a way to give back to his community. This year, my sister and I took it to our childhood neighbourhood, and decided to do just that. Upon going house to house, eventually word got out.. and we would have kids anxiously waiting by their doors. One girl screamed from her house as we approached hers, "THEY'RE COMING! THEY'RE COMING! SANTA'S HELPERS ARE COMING!". The feeling was so surreal. Completely nostalgic of my father. I truly believe he was with us that day, because I swear, I could almost feel his big bear hugs around me.
My sister and I met these kids who were so grateful for their gifts, they started to cry. Which in turn, made us cry. We couldn't believe how 5 year olds could be that grateful for something that they felt that strong of an emotion. In summary, it was a complete success. More pics, hit the jump.

YOU ARE, MY.. SUPERHERO..

I had the opportunity to see Tabi Bonney in February, and he was amaaazing. This was one of the songs he did. I caught the video for the first time about a half hour ago. & it's a good one. Shot in Washington, Malibu, and Hollywood. Not to mention the whole Superman relation. My dad's nickname was superman because everyone thought he looked like him.. I can see the Christopher Reeve association, but he always truly was my very own superman.
This is officially my favorite song in life right now, I seriously can't stop playing it. & I'ma throw the love to the sky tonight. This one's for you superman !

JANUARY 2 1956 - APRIL 29TH 1995

I miss you, so, so, so much. Sometimes I catch myself thinking "come back".. and that's when it hurts the most.. it's that split second where my mind forgets.. that you can't.

Grandpa, dad, my brother, and baby Botch. The main men in my life tied into one photo.
J'adore.

My grandpa, grandma and my aunts and uncles. my dad is the shorter one standing to the left. This photo is all sorts of wonderful.

LITTLE BOTCH.

THROWBACK THURSDAY

THE MEMORY EDITION

The things that stick out in my head are so random. My memories of certain events in my childhood are so vivid sometimes I feel like I could grab onto it, and physically place myself there. Each smell and sound is as fresh as if it happened yesterday.. but that only applies to certain times. I'll go ahead and throw you 25.

25 CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

1. SICK DAYS
I remember being sick a lot.. I'd always spend my sick days in my mom's bed. She'd throw the mom mannerisms down like no one's business. I'd get the full face cloths on the forehead, humidifier on, cartoons, soup, vicks on the chest, and my personal favorite.. the banana flavored medicine. Well I think I was on a sick binge, and my mom was feelin really bad for me.. so before work, she dropped off my favorite strawberry and banana marshmellows. You know those 5 cent marshmellows (so good!). Well mom dukes bought a whole bag. I went for the strawberries first.. and polished off a whole bag. Seconds later, I puked it all out. Pink marshmellow allllll up in the toilet.

2. CALLIN DAD
Another sick day! I was home in bed with my dad. We were watching Mr. Dress-up, when the phone rang. He answered and continued to say, "No, she's sick today". When he hung up, I asked him, "Dad, do they think I'm skipping kindergarten?". He laughed so hard.

3. SNOOPY BOTCH
I would sneak into my sister's room almost every day. I couldn't help it. She was a teenager, and I thought she was the coolest. She was pretty and had friends for days. I'd always go in there and throw on her lipgloss because it tasted so good. Well one day upon snooping I found the COOLEST head band. I put it on while my dad and I ran his errands. When crossing the street to go to his car, the headband fell off. I ran to pick it up, and all I heard next was a car's horn blaring and my dad shoved me to the ground. He saved my life. The car ran right past us. I got the biggest yelling of my life, and I kept trying to interrupt with, "BUT THE HEADBAND", but my dad was not havin' that.

4. TYING SHOES
My dad was the one who taught me to tie my shoes. & one day I succeeded and he was all "that's great!" but I didn't feel it was enough lol.

5. TAPIOCA PUDDING
Every day after school I would rush to Bueno Brothers, run to the end of the aisle, grab nestle's tapioca pudding, and rush to my dad's office. He'd throw on Full House, and we'd watch an episode while eating our tapioca pudding before he'd get back to work.

6. THE SNOW WHITE HOUSE
THE GREATEST DAY EVER. One day after kindergarten I grabbed the pudding and grabbed my dad. He lifted me up on his shoulders and said "I have a surprise for you". He took me to the back where there was a cardboard cut-out snow white playhouse. I was so excited. He managed to get his huge body inside to help me draw windows.. and all I could think about was how I was the luckiest girl on the planet.

7. KINDERGARTEN WOES
In my kindergarten class we had this cardboard spaceship that we played in during playtime. It went in shifts, and you had to have a partner. Well I was far down on the list, so when it was my first time to actually go in the spaceship I was soo excited.. When I went in however, my partner RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNKKKK!!! She smelled sooo fucking bad, so I immediately went out of the spaceship.. it was then that my teacher said to me, "You only have a few times to play in the spaceship, get back in there!!". I spent half my time sticking my head out the window while my partner kept saying things like "we're landing!! we're crashing! look aliens!!".. I looked at her with disgust and anger.

8. RAGGEDY ANN
I got this raggedy ann from my great grandpa.. well I was sick in my mom's room again when I happened to notice raggedy dancing in the door way. I must've watched her for ten minutes. I was freaking the fuck out. So I decided the only way to handle this was to try and talk nice to her, or go and grab her.. so I stood up on the bed, legs shaking with fear.. when I heard giggling.. that's when I noticed a hand.. I go in the hallway to see my brother sitting there making my raggedy danced. I yelled "you're stupid!". Never letting him know how much it scared me.

9. LATE NIGHT MOM
I woke up in the middle of the night to find my mom wasn't in bed (OK, I slept with my parents a lot, that's next lol). So I went downstairs to find her preparing stuff for tomorrow night's dinner. I couldn't sleep without my mom so she set up two kitchen chairs as a bed. I fell asleep in the kitchen that night.

10. ROOM WOES
I woke up in the middle of the night a lot as a kid. I was chicken shit scared of everything. The dark. Ghosts. Fuckin' everything. I shared a room with my brother and we had bunk beds. I had the top. I remember waking up, talking to myself to try and gain courage to get to my parents' room. Getting down the stairs across to their hall took one fuck of a pep talk, lemme tell you.

11. MOM SHOWERS
In the morning my mom would shower me.. and she'd sing "this is the way we wash our arms, wash our arms, wash our arms, this is the way we wash our arms, so early in the morning".. and so on for everything.. I'd climb out of the shower and she'd wrap a towel around me like a cape, and it was always so cold. So I'd run to her bed, and sit with the towel fully draped around me til I was dry and warm. Sometimes I'd even fall asleep. To this day, I still keep my towel on til I'm fully dry.. I don't use it to dry myself. I wait that shit out lol.

12. GRILLED CHEESE
My mom was a fan of the grilled cheese for breakfast. I guess havin three kids and a husband to feed kept her in a rush, and sometimes a grilled cheese was her on the go meal. Well one morning she made them and I didn't want it. I was just a five year old having a cranky fit. I was kicking and screaming on the floor of the kitchen. This had to be going on for at least fifteen minutes to a half hour. It was my first tantrum (that I can remember anyway) and my mom was ignoring the fuck out of it, like it wasn't even happening. When my brother, sister and dad finally came down.. my brother said something like "what's with you?".. and I HATED that.. so I cried some more. Then my mom said "Ok, that's enough baby, let's go". I grabbed my backpack and went out the door. Like a trigger..! She was the boss! & when we got in the car, she asked me if I wanted my grilled cheese and I said, "NO!". I ended up leaving the car for school with my grilled cheese in hand lol.

13. KEN DOLL
I hated dolls. Still do.. they scared the fuck outta me. Well one day, my Ken doll was scaring me a little too much, so I popped off his head and threw it into the vent. My mom ended up finding it and saying that I could've started a fire. All I wondered at the time was how she knew it was me.

14. ONYX
In grade 4 we made these booklets of pictures of every year of ourselves. Underneath each picture we had a description that read "When I was one..." then whatever to describe the picture. The cover of my booklet was covered with walkmans and "onyx". I drew them over and over again.

15. KINDERGARTEN CRUSH
One day I was at my locker with my mom changing from my outdoor shoes to my indoor shoes. This boy and his mom were at his locker. My mom started talking to his mom, and they talked for a hot minute while the two of us just held their hands waiting to finish. While they discussed grown up business, I had nothing to do but look at him. That's when he noticed my shoes. I crossed the velcro so that it was an "x". & he said, "You cross your velcroes?! That's cool". The crush started then. He's mad fat now hahahah.

16. PORCELAIN EGGS
My mom had these porcelain eggs in her china cabinet. They were extremely intricate and decorated with flowers in such pretty colors. I asked her one night if I could see them, and she said "No, they're from the ukraine, they're very expensive and you'll break them". I begged and begged for her to let me see them and I kept getting no's, no matter how much I pleaded that I wouldn't break them. Well when she went to cook, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Her china cabinet was right next to the kitchen so I had to be very quiet. I opened it slightly and slipped the eggs out. They were so pretty..!!! AAAAAAAAANDDD SHATTER! I dropped one! She came running in, and I immediately started crying with the broken egg in my hand. The yelling must've went down for at least an hour.

17. DAVID LETTERMAN
Every night my dad would have his scotch and watch late night. He'd watch it on his chair and sometimes I'd watch it for about two minutes beside him before falling asleep. I'd wake up to him carrying me right on the middle of the stairs every time, but I'd pretend to still be sleeping. He'd lay me down, kiss my forehead and say "goodnight princess". The feeling of that carry to my bed was so comforting.

18. THE PULL OUT
When my dad would bring us to school and he pulled out of the garage, he'd always put his arm on the passenger seat to look back. His glance right before that would be right on my mom in the passenger. He'd always smile. I loved that look, because I always saw the love in his eyes for her.

19. CHUCK TAYLORS
Every car ride was me being cautious not to step on my brothers shoes. His chucks. He'd yell at me like nobody's business.. even if they were beat to shit. I also recall his wu-tang and kool keith being blasted out of his headphones and my parents always saying "EUGENE! TURN IT DOWN!".

20. PIZZA HUT
My sister worked at pizza hut when I was a kid, and she'd always bring me home toys and dessert pizza. I fuckin loved it.

21. SWIMMING
I had a swimmming pool in my backyard and was never allowed in the deep end. I practiced swimming in the shallow end a lot, and even in the deep end when a head was turned. All from watching my dad swim. One day I had the guts to show my dad I could swim, and he was sitting on the bench by the pool watching me. He was so happy he jumped in and we had races from one side to the other.

22. 7TH BIRTHDAY
My dad came home with my goodie bags and the things to put inside and he said "Ok, make sure every bag has everything even!". It was my first time to make my own goodie bags and I was so excited. Two bags in, I thought it was the worst thing ever.

23. SUPER MARIO
Let me tell you, super mario ran my house some days.. and I just loved the level in the star area where all you do is break blocks. It was the only level I could finish and I'd play it over and over and over again. My brother and my sister were so annoyed by it.

24. LITTLE MERMAID
This was my favorite Disney movie. I watched it daaaaily.. I had this book that taught you how to draw Ariel and all the clan. I obviously couldn't get it downpat, but my dad and brother drew me a million, and I was so in love with it. I'd take all the drawings they drew me, laid them out on the bed, and wrapped my feet in a pillow case and pretend to be a mermaid.

25. TELL TALE HEART
My dad told us this story on the way home from my brother's Christmas concert. He told me over and over again that he couldn't tell me it at the beginning because I would get too scared. Then finally, he told it. He told it so well, with such great detail but didn't finish in time. When we got home, my mom said we couldn't finish the story because I had to sleep and I'd get scared. It took a lot of begging, but he complied. My brother and sister gathered around him on the couch and he told it, WITH A FLASHLIGHT! I was so scared but also so intrigued.

MOMENTS I'LL KEEP!

WELCOME TO MY CITY LIFE.

mom's a stunnah, and dad's superman, forever.

I DON'T FEEL GOOD.

http://www.iwillremember.ca/garyboittiaux
i can't open my left eye. my allergies have completely taken over my body. i don't know what to do. i'm sick of taking medications, nothing's fix it.. and i'm sick of seeing doctors that keep feeding me medications that aren't doing anything for me. i'm itchy and embarrassed and don't want to see anybody. i can't stop crying because i feel like crap.. and that's shameful because it's nothing to cry about.. and today is my dad's day.. and i miss him like crazy.. and time doesn't do anything. it still feels like the very first day i had to say goodbye.




i changed the song to one he used to sing on early mornings. every morning was the same. every day felt the same.. and i was fine with that. i remember waking up to the sound of my dad in the shower and my mom turning up the weather channel so she could sing along with it. she'd dress me while i was sleeping, and he'd come out of the shower in a towel to ask me what shirt was better as i opened my eyes slow. it was normal for me to wake up in their bed. at night time i'd leave my room to get in between my mom and dad. it was a safe zone from night mares and monsters.
my mom would change the channel to morning cartoons and start cooking breakfast. you'd think we'd be sick of the grilled cheese sandwiches by now, but we weren't. she'd throw them on to a paper towel and we'd be off.. ready to face the day. gotta grab my sister and my brother. both would have their music blasting as they got ready.. and we'd head to the garage. me in the middle, my sister behind my dad who was in the driver's, and my brother behind my mom. pulling out my dad always put his arm behind my mom's passenger, an essential when pulling out.. it was easier to look behind you.. but as a kid, i didn't see that. i saw that as my dad saying how much he loved my mom.



the three of us would all make fun of each other. my mom would tell us to stop, and my dad would follow my mom, whilst smiling though. almost to say that we were comedians. drop my sister off at daniel mac and my brother at sargent park.. and then to bueno brothers, where i spent my morning before i went to school.
this was mine and my dad's time. after everyone greeted my parents with their good morning's, i ran to the back office. artwork from a four year old wall-papered his office walls, and he put a tv back there so i could watch inspector gadget. he'd do his paperwork while i made more artwork.. and we'd have conversations about absolutely nothing. as it came time for me to go to kindergarten, he'd grab a tapioca pudding, our favorite.. and we'd share it on the walk to school.. "goodbye princess" and a kiss on the cheek. i was his "little princess", and he was my "superman". & it was all too easy.
it was a routine. it was the same every day.. and it was perfect. i miss you.
time will never change how much i miss you.



every day, every single day daddy. i remember. i will always remember. i love you. i miss you. i love you, i miss you.. and i just can't .. do this right now.

SYNTIFIK SUNDAY!

hey guyyyyssss.. so i received a lot of questions this week!.. i got a lot of great questions, and picking my brain made my day.. so thanks for your continued interest! so i just finished answering them.. read the answers after the jump..Favorite Chick flick?
the notebook.. and mean girls! lol

Favorite Drama TV show?
gossip girl.

Favorite Comedy TV show?
the office!.. and friends!

how do you feel about mainstream music?
some days, i want to take all radios, and smash them.
.. but i enjoy me a good britney tune..! lol

what's your take on plastic surgery?
i think it's silly.. unless you were like in a fatal car crash or something.. i hate boob jobs.
i think flaws can sometimes be the most amazing things about people.

If you could have dinner with three people.. alive or dead...who would they be and why?
my dad, nas and my mom.
i say nas because, well hello. he's the biggest inspiration in my life aside from my parents.. and i say my parents, because they're my inspiration and guard.. i said my dad because i admire him so much, and would love a meal with him.. i can't really remember what that's like.. and if i'm having dinner with my pops, my mom deserves the same!

what are you most insecure about?
failing.

would you ever bang on the first date?
this is a doozy. i feel like guys are dicks, and no matter what kind of person you are, if you bang on the first date, it's a wrap. they're going to think you're trashy.. i'm going to say, NO i wouldn't bang on a first date, but fuck.. everyone makes mistakes.. and i'm everyone. i respect myself, and want to be treated the same.. so hopefully, banging on the first date won't go down if i'm really diggin this guy..
unless it's like.. nas. then yooooo..

favorite books? any recommendations?
i LOOOOOVEEEE strega by andrew vachss.. AMAZING author.. and after strega, i couldn't let go of him.. but strega is still my favorite.. i also like "if tomorrow comes" by sidney sheldon, it's the only book that i've read more than 5 times.
i read fight club by chuck pahlahniuk, and it was the only book by him that i read.. and someone suggested rant to me, which was great! the last books i finished were invisible monsters (sweet book) and choke by him.. so i dig him too!
there you go, you have a whole list..! hope it lasts you:)

fav character on gossip girl?
CHUCK MOTHER FUCKIN BASS!

are you a jealous person?
i try not to be, but i totally am.. with everything.. when my friends get new friends i get a little un-easy. like "I SHOULD BE YOUR ONLY FRIEND!" ahha.. and i get jealous of people i feel are better at something than i am.. and when it comes to the boyfriend, if i see a girl talking to him.. i'll freak out.. but i freak out inside, bite my lip and restrain myself. the thing about my jealousy is i know it's stupid, so i cover it up with cockiness and hope that no one sees the diff!

do you have an alter ego?lol
uhm.. some times i feel like i do.. i tend to do really horrible selfish things some times, without thinking they're horrible.. and then later, i'll feel guilty.. and debate with the guilt.. like "eh it wasn't THAT bad" when it really was lol.. watch out, i'm trouble.

What's your favorite genre of music?
hip hop.

thanks again for all the questions.. i look forward to what you have to ask this week!!

ASK ME ANYTHING!!

I GOT A REDBULL & VODKA UP IN MY HAAANNNDD..

today i was supposed to get my passport done, but i went to the beach. i fail, a lot. alls the time. MONDAY! for sure. bring me? I'M SO DARK NOW. help. i need new make up, cuz my current make up no longer matches my face.. but i'm broke. holluh. i miss bianca:( anyway i have a few ideas for my next 25's, but i'm so laazy. why did i pick such a big number?! oh lawd.... today it was brought to my attention that some people don't know how to view my full entries?! uhhhh dumb asses! HAHAHA just kidding, just click the "get lost between god and a shot of scotch" link that's at the bottom of every entry.so i was thinking for a long time about this 25. i put people on, then took people off, but one thing that did happen, was this list filling up fast. i consider people products. products of surroundings, of music, of food, and of people. 25 people have made my life, and i'm about to diss them all, right now.


.. just kidding (kinda)

25 (IMPORTANT) PEOPLE

in absolutely random order.



1. MY DAD
BONJOUR PAPA. je vous manque autant de!! je ne peux pas attendre de vous voir encore! you really are everything i aspire to be, and i thank you for absolutely everything you have given me before you had to leave.. BECAUSE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE GIVEN ME, is WAY more than what i deserve. your work ethic, and morals have made me want to become, if possible, as close to perfection as you were. i love you so much, and think of you every day. i know i can never beat you in trivial pursuit, but yo, if you ever wanna scrabble things up, it's so on. THE JETS ALL DAY!! til then, we gotta up calgary. i haven't been up to standards on my bombers this year, but i'll try and reach soon and cheers for you. shabazz is rippin it up ay! ima go ahead and say he's one of the best linebackers we've seen.. rock his jersey, i'm sure everyone'll know whats up. LOVE YOU.



2. BIGGIE
sucha fucking boss, and the only thing i listened to for 2004. seriously, for one whole year, nothing but biggie smalls.



3. CEREZO
i miss you punk!




4. MY MOM
MOST OFFICIAL! some times i realize how much alike my mom and i are. she's way cooler though. she's been through a lot, and she's honestly the biggest trooper in life. like forreal dude, if you took prisoners or like.. soldiers, and done put them in all the situations my mom faced, guaranteed 90% of them wouldn't be able to hack it.. and for that she's inspiration. strong head on her shoulders, the dopest sense of humour, and taking all the crap i've thrown her way have got to count for something. she's taken care of me since day one.



5. NAS
if you don't know how i feel about nas, you don't know nothin!








6. ALEX
fuck you, you piece of shit. just kidding, i love you. relax. you and me til at least january for sure.. :) im kidding. i love you like a rap kid loves breaks. you're the greatest boy in my life. when i get right i promise that we gonna liiive it uppp!! ha seee.. drake in the building! just for you! here's to us and many cakes, blunts, beers, and pairs of sneakers to come!! PURSUE YOUR INTERESTS CUZ EVEN IF IM TICKETLESS....









7. BIANCA
OH BIANCA. we haven't ever really had a flop night. i mean, we've had our share of, "hm" nights.. but i honestly think people could throw us anywhere, and we'd have a good time. FUCK YEAH.



8. SLUG
next to nas, the biggest hip hop influence in my life. he changed rap for me, and i forever started listening to hip hop with a higher interest.




9. ELIZA
even though we have our share of disagreements, we have a fair share of fun. let the good times and red bull roll son! you make me laugh really hard, which is basically working out, so thanks yo! LETS LISTEN TO CUDI NOW!





10. JAMES
because even if we don't see each other for awhile, when we do it feels like we done been hanging out every day. you're the coolest.



11. MARTI
because you seem to be the most care-free person in the universe, and I LOVE YOU.








12. MARIBETH
YA DUNN EVEN KNOW. pretty legit wherever we go. the pictures should say enough.. and i done said it enough times, i got chu kid!



13. MARLEY
dude has gotten me through some tough times, and he did so beautifully.




14. MY SISTER
you'd think that sister's grow to be some what of a mom figure. my sister was the opposite. she pretty much was my mom first, and then became my sister. which is nothing bad. she holds it down as ill na na whenever needed, she has my back, but she can still throw down a good lecture if needed. having a sister is awesome when you have nothing to wear, but you also get the benefit of phone calls during break ups, and late night drives when you're feeling kind of down. i've been lucky enough to live with my best friend, and not many people can say that. i'm even luckier to be related, and that's word. plus she's a girly girl and keeps me from completely turning into a rowdy ass chain-smoking beer drinking spittin on the cement boy. she's retardedly pretty, smart, and she can sing a bad ass tune.. and if ever you've had enough of the three, throw a worm on her and i promise it'll be a good time >=)



15. JESSICA
this girl is hilarious, beautiful, and she gave me the greatest gift in the world.. a god son. plus her name's pretty ill na na;) she's crafty and sweet, and i've known her since i was 12 years old, and we're still friends. thats keepin it real.





16. RICH
because we match music wise! you're my concert partner, and i can always count on you to have something good playing. we have never had a bad time, go team!



17. PHILLY
because this isn't the list of good people, this is the list of people who have had an effect on me.. and philly's included. i still gotta thank him, for making me realize how things REALLY are. i'm quicker to notice faults now, and it's saved me quite a bit of heart ache. regardless, fuck you dude. hahahah




18. BONIBELLE
even though we're not on the greatest tip right now, we'll get back.. with time. i still got you, gayness. i still got you. waddup.



19. TIN
you fucking asshole. you're sucha fucking little jerk but i love you. in due time we'll be taking photos, attending concerts and living life as we were and lady, i can't wait for it. you're in id-yot but hey, you're still up on the rankings, you just have a bad review. AHHAHAHAAH omg im sorry, i love you.



20. JANET
so i love janet? WHO DOESNT LOVE JANET?! anyone that doesn't love janet, clearly knows nothing and should die. she's the girl everybody loves, and she's one of my best friends, no matter how far she is!







21. TEEJ
you make music and life fun. i miss you like crazy! step back into my life!



22. MY BROTHER
you're the sickest artist i know, SON!



23. CUDI
OH CUDI!!!!!!!! you are one of the greatest things in life! plus he holds cigarettes in his ear!! i'd do that, but my ears are too small and the cigarette always falls down. HOW DO YOU NOT LOVE A CIGARETTE IN THE EAR?! TELL ME HOW.

24. LEM
first off, we only have like two pics together, and we look fucking gross so i refuse to post them! ahahha ew ewew, wtf.. but anyways, i can always count on you to answer my 3am drunken phone calls, listen to me rant/cry, or laugh at my wack ass jokes. so thanks.. and uhhhh yeah...cop me some shoes from footlocker son! read my blog nd shit! one! hahahahha



25. ESSA
even though you're not in my life anymore, you taught me a lot. i'll leave it at that.

this post just took me 3 and a half hours. FUCKING A!

OH and i forgot to mention, i made it to 15 000 hits!! that was on my list of goals that need to be completed by april 11 2010.. SO HOLLA! one more down. thanks biiiiiiitttchhhesssss!! now i want 20 000 by december. get to work! hahahahah