A 7TH MOMENT WITH BOTCH.

I'M KIND OF A LOOSE CANNON.

i put everyone before myself. as much as i'd like to think i don't, i do. almost every single fucking thing i do, is because i'm putting someone else ahead of me. i never reject phone calls. if ever i'm needed, i'm there.. and it bugs me some times.. not so much HELPING people per say.. more so of, never having any "me time". the less i get of it, the more of a prick i am. & people never seem to get that. i enjoy doing absolutely nothing. sometimes it's nice not to say shit! just to fucking have company by your side, a beer, and look at the sky.. yo! to me.. that's good shit.
i dye my hair a lot.. i'd say at least ten times a year.. but i haven't at all this year. this year i'm straying away from all the usual botch things.. not by choice.. it kind of just happened. here's what my life was like before.. every sunday was music day. i'd splurge on cds. every monday and wednesday, was deposit days. every thursday was money making day. & i would write, A LOT. & i went out every single fucking night. i haven't dyed my hair in over six months (NATURAL SHIT?! SO BORING). i haven't bought sneakers since.. OCTOBER. i haven't written anything in my notebook for over a year.. and all of that being typed out into words kind of hits like a slap to the face.. cause once you say it, it's real.
i enjoy being busy.. really i do. i enjoy having a schedule filled with people and errands. that shit's fucking grand.. but if i don't get at least one day a week to do shit all, i'll go fucking crazy. i'm a fucking capricorn man, you know how ocd we are?!
i think all of the above mentioned is 50% of why i'm going back to toronto this august. i miss my second home. i don't think i've gone a day these past few months without saying "i miss toronto". that ain't even it no more though, is it? fuck saying that. i miss myself. i miss being independent, i miss buying music, i miss writing, i miss going to the library with a iced chai latte in hand - filling my head with literature on a cold winter day; i miss botch!

i can't stand how everyone is trying to fill my head with "this is what you should do". what pricks. we need to stop focusing on what we should do and just do what we do. if we concentrate so hard on what's right and what's wrong, we're stuck in that race. that race of constant thinking without realizing we're getting lapped every time we dare to over-analyze. i don't wanna do that shit man, i just wanna chill and have a good time.. i wanna cross that finish line knowing that i put myself into it.

& i'm saying all this feeling that i'm giving off this "i'm not happy" vibe.. that's not it at all. i am enjoying every second of breath right now. but some days.. the best things in life, are having a beer and enjoying a real genuine conversation. i'd rather do that than hear shitty music around people who talk shit about who they'd rather fuck. drama is a fucking bitch man. & so are the people who bring it forward. i'm ready to scream "fuck you drama!" while i pour myself another/

this summer is dedicated to warm nights, good books, cold beer, good friends, beaches, moments of silence, and hip hop.
& i won't have it any other fucking way.. time for some action!