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THROWBACK THURSDAY
THE MEMORY EDITION
The things that stick out in my head are so random. My memories of certain events in my childhood are so vivid sometimes I feel like I could grab onto it, and physically place myself there. Each smell and sound is as fresh as if it happened yesterday.. but that only applies to certain times. I'll go ahead and throw you 25.25 CHILDHOOD MEMORIES
1. SICK DAYS
I remember being sick a lot.. I'd always spend my sick days in my mom's bed. She'd throw the mom mannerisms down like no one's business. I'd get the full face cloths on the forehead, humidifier on, cartoons, soup, vicks on the chest, and my personal favorite.. the banana flavored medicine. Well I think I was on a sick binge, and my mom was feelin really bad for me.. so before work, she dropped off my favorite strawberry and banana marshmellows. You know those 5 cent marshmellows (so good!). Well mom dukes bought a whole bag. I went for the strawberries first.. and polished off a whole bag. Seconds later, I puked it all out. Pink marshmellow allllll up in the toilet.
2. CALLIN DAD
Another sick day! I was home in bed with my dad. We were watching Mr. Dress-up, when the phone rang. He answered and continued to say, "No, she's sick today". When he hung up, I asked him, "Dad, do they think I'm skipping kindergarten?". He laughed so hard.
3. SNOOPY BOTCH
I would sneak into my sister's room almost every day. I couldn't help it. She was a teenager, and I thought she was the coolest. She was pretty and had friends for days. I'd always go in there and throw on her lipgloss because it tasted so good. Well one day upon snooping I found the COOLEST head band. I put it on while my dad and I ran his errands. When crossing the street to go to his car, the headband fell off. I ran to pick it up, and all I heard next was a car's horn blaring and my dad shoved me to the ground. He saved my life. The car ran right past us. I got the biggest yelling of my life, and I kept trying to interrupt with, "BUT THE HEADBAND", but my dad was not havin' that.
4. TYING SHOES
My dad was the one who taught me to tie my shoes. & one day I succeeded and he was all "that's great!" but I didn't feel it was enough lol.
5. TAPIOCA PUDDING
Every day after school I would rush to Bueno Brothers, run to the end of the aisle, grab nestle's tapioca pudding, and rush to my dad's office. He'd throw on Full House, and we'd watch an episode while eating our tapioca pudding before he'd get back to work.
6. THE SNOW WHITE HOUSE
THE GREATEST DAY EVER. One day after kindergarten I grabbed the pudding and grabbed my dad. He lifted me up on his shoulders and said "I have a surprise for you". He took me to the back where there was a cardboard cut-out snow white playhouse. I was so excited. He managed to get his huge body inside to help me draw windows.. and all I could think about was how I was the luckiest girl on the planet.
7. KINDERGARTEN WOES
In my kindergarten class we had this cardboard spaceship that we played in during playtime. It went in shifts, and you had to have a partner. Well I was far down on the list, so when it was my first time to actually go in the spaceship I was soo excited.. When I went in however, my partner RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNKKKK!!! She smelled sooo fucking bad, so I immediately went out of the spaceship.. it was then that my teacher said to me, "You only have a few times to play in the spaceship, get back in there!!". I spent half my time sticking my head out the window while my partner kept saying things like "we're landing!! we're crashing! look aliens!!".. I looked at her with disgust and anger.
8. RAGGEDY ANN
I got this raggedy ann from my great grandpa.. well I was sick in my mom's room again when I happened to notice raggedy dancing in the door way. I must've watched her for ten minutes. I was freaking the fuck out. So I decided the only way to handle this was to try and talk nice to her, or go and grab her.. so I stood up on the bed, legs shaking with fear.. when I heard giggling.. that's when I noticed a hand.. I go in the hallway to see my brother sitting there making my raggedy danced. I yelled "you're stupid!". Never letting him know how much it scared me.
9. LATE NIGHT MOM
I woke up in the middle of the night to find my mom wasn't in bed (OK, I slept with my parents a lot, that's next lol). So I went downstairs to find her preparing stuff for tomorrow night's dinner. I couldn't sleep without my mom so she set up two kitchen chairs as a bed. I fell asleep in the kitchen that night.
10. ROOM WOES
I woke up in the middle of the night a lot as a kid. I was chicken shit scared of everything. The dark. Ghosts. Fuckin' everything. I shared a room with my brother and we had bunk beds. I had the top. I remember waking up, talking to myself to try and gain courage to get to my parents' room. Getting down the stairs across to their hall took one fuck of a pep talk, lemme tell you.
11. MOM SHOWERS
In the morning my mom would shower me.. and she'd sing "this is the way we wash our arms, wash our arms, wash our arms, this is the way we wash our arms, so early in the morning".. and so on for everything.. I'd climb out of the shower and she'd wrap a towel around me like a cape, and it was always so cold. So I'd run to her bed, and sit with the towel fully draped around me til I was dry and warm. Sometimes I'd even fall asleep. To this day, I still keep my towel on til I'm fully dry.. I don't use it to dry myself. I wait that shit out lol.
12. GRILLED CHEESE
My mom was a fan of the grilled cheese for breakfast. I guess havin three kids and a husband to feed kept her in a rush, and sometimes a grilled cheese was her on the go meal. Well one morning she made them and I didn't want it. I was just a five year old having a cranky fit. I was kicking and screaming on the floor of the kitchen. This had to be going on for at least fifteen minutes to a half hour. It was my first tantrum (that I can remember anyway) and my mom was ignoring the fuck out of it, like it wasn't even happening. When my brother, sister and dad finally came down.. my brother said something like "what's with you?".. and I HATED that.. so I cried some more. Then my mom said "Ok, that's enough baby, let's go". I grabbed my backpack and went out the door. Like a trigger..! She was the boss! & when we got in the car, she asked me if I wanted my grilled cheese and I said, "NO!". I ended up leaving the car for school with my grilled cheese in hand lol.
13. KEN DOLL
I hated dolls. Still do.. they scared the fuck outta me. Well one day, my Ken doll was scaring me a little too much, so I popped off his head and threw it into the vent. My mom ended up finding it and saying that I could've started a fire. All I wondered at the time was how she knew it was me.
14. ONYX
In grade 4 we made these booklets of pictures of every year of ourselves. Underneath each picture we had a description that read "When I was one..." then whatever to describe the picture. The cover of my booklet was covered with walkmans and "onyx". I drew them over and over again.
15. KINDERGARTEN CRUSH
One day I was at my locker with my mom changing from my outdoor shoes to my indoor shoes. This boy and his mom were at his locker. My mom started talking to his mom, and they talked for a hot minute while the two of us just held their hands waiting to finish. While they discussed grown up business, I had nothing to do but look at him. That's when he noticed my shoes. I crossed the velcro so that it was an "x". & he said, "You cross your velcroes?! That's cool". The crush started then. He's mad fat now hahahah.
16. PORCELAIN EGGS
My mom had these porcelain eggs in her china cabinet. They were extremely intricate and decorated with flowers in such pretty colors. I asked her one night if I could see them, and she said "No, they're from the ukraine, they're very expensive and you'll break them". I begged and begged for her to let me see them and I kept getting no's, no matter how much I pleaded that I wouldn't break them. Well when she went to cook, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Her china cabinet was right next to the kitchen so I had to be very quiet. I opened it slightly and slipped the eggs out. They were so pretty..!!! AAAAAAAAANDDD SHATTER! I dropped one! She came running in, and I immediately started crying with the broken egg in my hand. The yelling must've went down for at least an hour.
17. DAVID LETTERMAN
Every night my dad would have his scotch and watch late night. He'd watch it on his chair and sometimes I'd watch it for about two minutes beside him before falling asleep. I'd wake up to him carrying me right on the middle of the stairs every time, but I'd pretend to still be sleeping. He'd lay me down, kiss my forehead and say "goodnight princess". The feeling of that carry to my bed was so comforting.
18. THE PULL OUT
When my dad would bring us to school and he pulled out of the garage, he'd always put his arm on the passenger seat to look back. His glance right before that would be right on my mom in the passenger. He'd always smile. I loved that look, because I always saw the love in his eyes for her.
19. CHUCK TAYLORS
Every car ride was me being cautious not to step on my brothers shoes. His chucks. He'd yell at me like nobody's business.. even if they were beat to shit. I also recall his wu-tang and kool keith being blasted out of his headphones and my parents always saying "EUGENE! TURN IT DOWN!".
20. PIZZA HUT
My sister worked at pizza hut when I was a kid, and she'd always bring me home toys and dessert pizza. I fuckin loved it.
21. SWIMMING
I had a swimmming pool in my backyard and was never allowed in the deep end. I practiced swimming in the shallow end a lot, and even in the deep end when a head was turned. All from watching my dad swim. One day I had the guts to show my dad I could swim, and he was sitting on the bench by the pool watching me. He was so happy he jumped in and we had races from one side to the other.
22. 7TH BIRTHDAY
My dad came home with my goodie bags and the things to put inside and he said "Ok, make sure every bag has everything even!". It was my first time to make my own goodie bags and I was so excited. Two bags in, I thought it was the worst thing ever.
23. SUPER MARIO
Let me tell you, super mario ran my house some days.. and I just loved the level in the star area where all you do is break blocks. It was the only level I could finish and I'd play it over and over and over again. My brother and my sister were so annoyed by it.
24. LITTLE MERMAID
This was my favorite Disney movie. I watched it daaaaily.. I had this book that taught you how to draw Ariel and all the clan. I obviously couldn't get it downpat, but my dad and brother drew me a million, and I was so in love with it. I'd take all the drawings they drew me, laid them out on the bed, and wrapped my feet in a pillow case and pretend to be a mermaid.
25. TELL TALE HEART
My dad told us this story on the way home from my brother's Christmas concert. He told me over and over again that he couldn't tell me it at the beginning because I would get too scared. Then finally, he told it. He told it so well, with such great detail but didn't finish in time. When we got home, my mom said we couldn't finish the story because I had to sleep and I'd get scared. It took a lot of begging, but he complied. My brother and sister gathered around him on the couch and he told it, WITH A FLASHLIGHT! I was so scared but also so intrigued.
MOMENTS I'LL KEEP!
Given that I haven't done a "What's Wack Wednesday" in a hot minute now. I thought I'd take this moment to also dish out a 25. Hey. If I was queen of the universe (which some days I feel I am), I would rid the world of a shit load.. but instead of listing a million, I'll take the time to throw down 25. & you could have it all folks! All if you get lost between god and a shot of scotch!WHAT'S WACK WEDNESDAY
THE I DON'T NEED YOU EDITION
1. CARDBOARD APPLICATOR TAMPONS
TORTURE DEVICES! Au revoir! Don't need ya!
2. VOICEMAIL
I don't know why I have voicemail. I'm paying for this when the only person who leaves me voicemails is my mom. & they ALL sound like this "Je, darling, baby, it's mom. Ok. It's mommy. Where are you?". SHE'S LITERALLY, the only person who leaves me voicemails and they're always the same. For one, I see her on my call display so I know she called without the voicemail.. BUT, for some reason, I save all of them, cause I love her so much! Would I trip if I gave up the voicemail deal?! Prolly not, I have a million of the same thing to last a lifetime.
3. SLUSH
Dirty, salty, winter slush. Peace.
4. 1 PLY TOILET PAPER
To all the public bathrooms that supply 1 ply.. I'm pretty sure they all do this because it's cheaper.. but if we really look at this situation with thought.. I feel comfortable in saying anyone who uses 1-ply, takes a little more.. wouldn't that even out costs?! We take more than we would when using 2 ply. Get rid of it.
5. NICKI MINAJ
We don't need her. hahahahah.
6. BILLS
I don't want you anymore either.
7. "YOU'VE JUST WON A CRUISE"
Stop calling me.
8. HYPOCRITICAL PROTESTERS
The ones that are against violence yet throw bricks through windows. YO, hippie, do you even know what you're "fighting" for right now?
9. PLANE RUSHERS
Every single person who gets up right when the plane lands. I'm sorry, but you're actually making things run slower. Fifty people heading for the same overhead compartment at the exact same time will not help you get to luggage faster. Your rushing ass is only making yourself later than you would be if you just let people do this in an orderly fashion. Teacher sounding enough, I hate it.
10. CHEAP BATTERIES
That go in your camera and let you take one picture. These need to get off the market, I've done the best I can by not buying them anymore.. but other people don't need the one picture demise.
11. HANGOVERS
Partying would be so much funner without the hangovers.
12. HOLD
If I could rid the world of being on hold! 60 million hours are wasted on hold per year.. I googled it. That's disgusting. & hold music is rarely ever good, so rid the world of that too. If we're going to be put on hold, they should play nas. hahaha.
13. JUNK MAIL
Both snail, and email. Get out get out get out!
14. CD PACKAGING
HOW HAS SOMEONE NOT FIXED THIS YET?!! That little tab was not that big of a move people! It shouldn't even be classified as a tab! BOOO.
15. WHEN THINGS GET STUCK IN VENDING MACHINES
This would never happen in my utopia.
16. WEATHER PEOPLE
You're all liars.
17. CHEAP UMBRELLAS
.. that embarrass me to shit when they turn inside out downtown infront of a gazillion people.
18. LOVE HANDLES
Well, maybe I wouldn't rid the entire world of love handles.. just mine. This way the people I dislike are still on the fat wagon. See what I did there. Nice.
19. HASHTAG RAP
It's sooooo doooone already. Get rid of it. Along with auto-tune. Off with their heads! Won't miss you. Bye.
20. SCRATCHED CDS
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE the feeling of opening a new cd. I LOOOOVE reading the booklets, the artists' thank yous, and bios, and lyrics. I fully enjoy knowing that I am supporting what I love, and that I have a hard copy of not only their album art, but their passion. THIS IS WHY I DON'T HAVE AN IPOD. I hate when the shit gets scratched and I stress out on whether I should buy a new one or not though. Don't, need, that. Buying a new one isn't the same as the original. The excitement is gone, and so is that "oh yeah this was so worth it!" feeling. Wamp.
21. MOSQUITOES AND WASPS
and any bug actually cuz I hate bugs. Circle of life?! Ehhhh. I'm sure nature could work something out. Maybe they only come out at like 5am-6am, so we have that hour to know that all bugs are outside and we must avoid them. & they never go in buildings or cars. Have you ever been trapped in a car with a wasp and a raspberry passiontea lemonade?! THE WORST.
22. ITCHES ON THE BACK THAT YOU CAN'T REACH
That's it.
23. SWEATY PALMS
My palms don't get sweaty, but I've dated people who have, had.. this, situation? Holding hands was not my favorite.. and niether is saying what's up to someone when you're about to shake hands with a lake. Now I gotta wipe my hands on my pants and have someone else's sweat on my jeans. Whoo hoo. Hooray.
24. LIGHT BULB BURN OUTS
I don't thing I've ever not gone "AHHH HOLY MOTHER FUCKING COCK BITCH SLUT!" when the flash occurs. It always scares the fuck outta me. & changing light bulbs is never a good time.. I mean sure, the after part is, when everything's brighter and tra la la! But actually changing bulbs, not so much.
25. PEOPLE WHO CUT IN LINES
Get off my earth.
