I LOVE TO DREAM.

Every night, I hope for the same one. Dream world is the best world because you're there. I'm happy. I'm loved. I've never been more "ready" for change. I'm ready to move forward. Ready for a new home, a new life, a new me. Last night's dream was a glimpse into new possibilities. Forever looking forward to sleep, despite the tiny amount I get.

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING.

I've been so emotional the past few weeks. Not ALL days have been bad, but I can definitely feel my brain leaning toward the sad. I find myself often worrying about the people I love. People I've lost. I don't mean to dwell on the past, but there are days where I find myself wondering, "what if.."..... what if this? What if that? Some days are easier to live in the moment and right now, and others, particularly cloudy days have me questioning why things are the way they are. With all that said, here's what I made for August. I hope you find a song you like. Xo.

WE ALL HAVE DREAMS, WE FORGET.

PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU DREAM OF ME.

SHYHEIM

Okay I listened to a lot of Shyheim today and anyone who says this kid didn't have a ghostwriter has to be out of their mind, because literally all of Shyheim's post puberty music is LE TRASH. That's all I have to say about that, good day.

EASY BABY.

 

Sorry I'm late. I've been healing.



Hope you find a song you like.

SOMEWHERE, THERE'S A PLACE FOR US.

The nicest thing a boy has ever done for me. Girls of the Internet.

CALL ME BABY.

It took me a while to get June posted because I was so ridiculously busy. I shot my first commercial! In a pandemic! Also have had a few interviews and trying to organize conferences and workshops and trying to keep sane. Of course, MUSIC HAS HELPED. So here's a late, but great, playlist. I took some time at the lake and let this one bop and it suited the warm weather nice. So enjoy it while you can because I'll be bringing in July in the next few days! This playlist is definitely shorter, but sweet too.

Hope you find a song you like.
Xo,
Botch

MAY 2021

I've been trying to post my May playlist for a few weeks now and unfortunately either Spotify glitches out, or my computer glitches out! It's also been a scorcher so I've been up to outside activities, but I do have a lot of music to share. I was finally able to get May going today, so enjoy! And hope you find a song you like ayyyyyyyy :D:D


Xo,
Botch

WE NEED TO TALK.

 

I made a playlist that covers the good and the ugly. Some songs just hit ya. From missing you to loving you, this ones for the ones in love, the heartbreaks, and the best days. Music is meant to take you places, and sometimes that's forward, sometimes it's backward, but if it moves ya, then the song is doing the job! I hope you find a song you like.

Xo, 

Botch

I'm searching for my place in the sun.

Dancing under my project.

Nothing by myself
Nothing nothing else
Nothing I can hide
Cruising story tell
Bike lane up and down
Lofty flower cry

Okay, I heard this song a while back but for the past few months, the lyrics in it slapped me in the face. So beautiful. Kuma Overdose studied jazz, as evident in this chune. This song sounds like a perfect Soundcloud, Mixcloud, Hypemachine, Blog cocktail. One of the songs you find digging through articles and your crush's playlists. This song is off the album, Lofty, which has a lot of Asian influences blended in with modern day hip hop. One to add to your collection for sure, but this song takes the cake for me. It is *chefs kiss*

Hope you like it.

Xo,
Botch

Everybody dies a little, I just wanna dance tonight.

April 2021, a promising month for me. I detoxed and had a loving relationship, with music! I am sooo in love with Noname, so I listened to her on loop a lot! But there are quite a few gems in here, a lot of hip hop, house and indie of course, but also some new genres that aren't my norm. Some Lido Pimienta, who I had the pleasure of seeing live just before the pandemic hit, and WHAT A SHOW. I can't wait to go to live shows again, honestly that's the thing I'm missing the most during this, live music.

I took a bit of a digital break, spent some time by the fire, went a few days without WiFi and reconnected to the biggest love of my life, music. Things aren't moving at all, and they are also, moving. I have a meeting with the mayor in a couple of weeks! I'm continuing to build my life and focus on the best version of myself. Landscaping is being completed, I have a truck now, my doggies are healing and happy. I'm still working insane hours, but I'm feeling great now that I'm vaccinated. I'm single without any dependents but somehow my taxes didn't completely destroy me even though I worked an entire year without any days off! So. We're moving along. 

I hope you're doing well. I hope this music heals you, helps you, moves you. With much love, a curated playlist, just for you! And as always, I hope you find a song you like.

Xo,

Botch

We hung out sometimes.

I didn't know what to do,
I knew I would find my way
Like they said I was supposed to, supposed to

I don't wanna tell you but I'm feeling your junk.

Took a while with this one, and couldn't quite.. get there. Had a weird relationship with music in March, heard a few bops, a few albums, but I was honestly more *sparkle* vibes *sparkle* lol. I think that had a lot to do with the kind of person/mood I was in this month. I really needed to chill the fuck out and listen to some familiar music. Took some time to relax. Didn't check music blogs too much, didn't talk to many people so no track for track with pals, no research was done for this one. I listened to *a lot* of my older playlists. This one is pretty chill so throw ya feet up. As always, hope this playlist finds you well, and!!!!....hope you find a song you like.

Xo,
Botch

ESCO THE PUPPY DOG.

 Esco is back! She had a very expensive vet stay but the vet says she will be able to remain in our lives for longer. She has to be on medication for the remainder of her life but she is peppy, back to her old self, and stupid cuddly. I'm so thrilled to have her back. Gonna have to eat ramen for a few months but we did it!!! And I'd do it again and again! DOGGO OWNER FOR LIFE.

DOGGOS.

Ila wouldn't eat dinner last night. And as I previously mentioned, she refuses to go to the bathroom without her best bud. She is a super cuddly dog, but was extra cuddly last night. I only have a double bed, but it felt like I had a twin the way she nuzzled in so close to me. (I don't wanna hear it with you people who say your dogs shouldn't sleep in your bed - I disagree okkkkkk).

Anyway Ila and I be both missin' Esco like crazy. Sleeps have been the toughest for me, but it seems meal times have been the toughest for Ila. Hang in there lil buddy!

Darling, Esco.

I miss Esco. Terribly. My other doggo won't go potty without her. 

This isn't a home without her :(

Stop the planet, I want to get off.

DON'T WANNA..

ANOTHER GOODBYE.

I was unbelievably sad last Friday, but had trouble pin pointing what was keeping me down. I found out last Saturday that my cousin had passed away from Covid. Odd how sometimes things like that just.. line up. The last time I saw him was at his mom's funeral, which was only a few months ago when we just started lockdown. The funeral was by appointment only due to Covid, so it was short, we had time together but not much, maybe a couple of hours. We talked about past slumber parties, the BBQ my dad made, his dad's jokes. We agreed that another cousin reunion was due soon when "all of this was over".

He introduced me to his fiance and was happy to speak of her. I will forever remember that moment of praise for one of my lasting memories of him. See you later, Kuya P.

People come and people go, and it's another day on this big rock in a grand universe where I examine my purpose, what I'm leaving behind, and who I'm leaving behind.

I love you, thank you for joining me, and hearing my words, reading them. Thank you.

Xo,

Botch

What's more beautiful than a woman? Nothin.

 

Ever feel like doing the "Buss It" challenge for all your friends? Guilty. Twerking on Portage Avenue? Guilty. Composed this playlist for everyone who's needing a dose of bad assery. It was a lot of fun to make it, mostly because I spent half of making it shaking my butt. Oh, and also it has a lot of gettin' messy tracks. So although times is kinda hard right now, let's turn to one of the best therapy sessions around: music! Hope you find a song you like.

Xo,
Botch

DEFEAT.

Just had my daily Covid cry. Keeping up with the demands this disease demands is exhausting and my heart is breaking today. I don't know who to .. what to .. I don't know.  Everything is so hard! And obviously I'm going to do it, I'm going to shower after I'm working on units with Covid, I'll wash my hands over and over even though they're cut from dryness and hard work.. and wear my mask.. and stay home and continue to not see ANYONE.. but I'm lonely and miss being a cuddle puddle with my friends. I'm sad for all of the patients who haven't seen anyone, or left the same four walls in A YEAR.. I'm sad for all the staff who beg me for things I can't give them. I'm in pain from the thought of people facing financial burdens that they can't dig themselves out of.. and it's all just.. a lot, isn't it?

Ugh. I made a bad bi/otch playlist. I purposely made this playlist for when I was feeling down so I could escape to happy land through some tunes. I'll post it in the next post. Xx.

Go tell your boy, 'cause he needs the alert.

 

Hey. Well, listened to a lot of relationship songs this month cuz February. Duh. But also, came across a lot of bops! And okay sure, this playlist runs over 6hrs but it's actually one of my shorter playlists. Why's that?! ..because I listened to the same songs over and over again! Really fell inlove with Kah-lo and Michael Brun this month. Yowzahs. Hope you find a song you like, or love.

Xx,
Botch

CHECK IN TIME.

 I've been putting a lot of time focusing on my self. My growth, my finances, my new space. As all these things have come to me, it's only now that I'm finally starting to realize that I've somewhat neglected allocating my time toward other things that fulfill my life.

How are you, really?

What are three things that have inspired you this month?

What were the bad/good things that happened today?

What do you need right now that you aren't communicating?

Can I help you?

These are a few questions that I'm approaching the world with today. A friend of mine is currently going through a traumatic experience that made me realize how quickly you could lose someone, especially during all of Covid. I've been there. This shit is hard. I hope I can offer some peace and some love, since I've been going through a complete turn around of a year, I'm in a good place to have conversations right now.

I hope if you're reading this, you know that you mean something to me. Whether we know each other, or not. If we don't, you took the time to visit me, to read my words. That is the entire world to me! I've always wanted to connect to just one person, and my heart soars knowing that it might be *you*. So thank you, you've shaped me.

If we do know each other, hi.  I hope you're happy, I hope you're well. I'm not always around, but I'd like to chat when you're free. Message me.

I love you, and hope you saw a cute dog today.

Xo,

Botch

BOUNCE BACK, THAT'S THE USUAL.

I just looked out the window…
Oh the sun arrives and out the gaff I go
Something ain’t right but I can’t lose my soul
Imma bend my limbs in here before I go home

I feel it.

Xo, love ya, bye,
Botch

PANDEMIC PANINIS PANERA PANGEA PANTAGES PANDEMIMOORE

 I'm approaching that moment in the pandemic, I'm refusing to break but I'm annoyed with people not taking Covid seriously. I'm about a week away from my second shot and after that I will be completely vaccinated. The outbreak looked like it was going to be declared over at least where I work, but just a day shy from being declared over, we have a brand new positive case. I don't wanna Covid anymore. 6 days on, 1 day off. 10-14hr shifts to try and keep up with Miss Rona's demands.

I do find it crazy that I went a whole year without getting as much as a mild cold. Mind you, along with everyone being less disgusting, I have been eating well, taking vitamins and even exercising (ew).

Music and my dogs are keeping me sane. I sleep with two travel pillows on my ribs and pretend they're you. I tuck a pillow under my back and then my life doesn't feel so lonely. Sometimes my dogs snore and it gives me tiny happy boosts. I gave them both baths recently and breathing in those two after a fresh wash is like eating cotton candy at the fair. Bliss.

I hate seeing people visit others because "it's only one person" or "they're in my bubble", because that is NEVER the case. Plus I get really jealous that I'm sitting here like a dumbo, staying home, not seeing anyone aside from my colleagues. I haven't hugged my mom in a year.. but why am I doing this when everyone else is giving themselves a pass? Seems a bit silly. I miss my friends. I miss beers. I miss dancing. I miss kissing. I miss travel. Please stay home so we can all do these things again. Love to you.

Xo,

Botch

A day with Andrew.

Had a lot of fun with music this month. Listened A LOT. Hope you find a song you like.

xo,
Botch

You help me lose my mind..

You help me lose my mind
And you bring me something I can't define
Help me lose my mind, make me wonder
What I felt before
Keep biding my time
How much longer?
Who've I been waiting for?
How much longer?

MASK OFF.

It's been a long time. We've been in this panini for over a year now. We've been in LOCK DOWN for almost a year. I haven't seen anyone beyond my colleagues in FOREVER.. so when I got the vaccine, I thought I might cry. This moment in history, I was a part of it. As the nurse injected into my arm, it was like.. festivals, dances, loves, friends, family.. it all flashed before my eyes. I chose healthcare because it's a promised income, a job that will always be in demand and I wanted to help. I wanted to be part of change in the world. I did not expect healthcare to be this. I'm not complaining, just surprised.

However, I'm here. I made it. I didn't catch Covid, I was extremely careful. I was diligent. I washed my hands, I told people I couldn't/wouldn't hang out. I haven't seen my mom. I've heard Covid patients crying from pain, I promise you, that party, that hook up, that drink with "only two people" isn't worth it.

I'm vaccinated now. My symptoms haven't gone further than a sore arm, similar to when you get your flu shot. Anyways, now that I'm vaccinated, I'm gonna go lick a bunch of boys! And girls!

It's a joke.

Looking forward to what once was. Looking forward to planes and concerts and festivals and shows and drinks and food and beaches and homes. Keep pushing baby, it's going to be a while but we will get there. Grab your mask, grab your hand sanitizer, get it boo. The world is yours, and you deserve it. I love you so much.

Xx,
Botch

...

Stuck in love but alone in my bed.
Thoughts of you rush my head.

I REALLY LOVE THE CARAMEL FLAVOR IN THIS.

Let's be real. We all know this guy. WHY ARE THEY ALL THE SAME?!! I don't wanna hear it! I have met craft beer drinkers where I've happily stated I do not like IPAs, and then had them talk my head off about IPAs. My head had already rolled out the door, but they continue...

WE'RE AFTER THE SAME RAINBOW'S END.

I asked my closest circle what genre of music I listen to has surprised them the most. I was met with a few answers: oldies, 1920s and punk. I've had a few discussions about music as of late, and for the majority of discussion, I've (along with others) have come to realize: there are no bad genres. There are only bad songs. A lot of my posts have been centered around songs because music is the biggest thing in my world. It has been since I was a young girl. I started making mixtapes when I was around 8.

There are quite a few covers of this song, but Audrey's 1961 version is something else. The lyrics are *chefs kiss*. I googled Audrey just now AFTER I wrote this much and discovered that Audrey passed on this very day in 1993. I swear to the universe, I am a psychic. I hope you have a good day and I hope this song finds you well.

Xo,
Botch

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYONE IN MY LIFE.

This is still one of my favorite Daft Punk songs. It's Wednesday morning. I hope you liked this song.
Xo,
Botch

It might not be the right time
I might not be the right one
But there's something about us I want to say
Cause there's something between us anyway
I might not be the right one
It might not be the right time
But there's something about us I've got to do
Some kind of secret I will share with you
I need you more than anything in my life
I want you more than anything in my life
I'll miss you more than anyone in my life
I love you more than anyone in my life

A DAY WITH ANDREW, WHAT A DAY.

Santigold used to be in a punk band called, "Stiffed", and it's everything but better than what you expected it to be. What? YA. This song saved me. PERFECTION. Fun and flirty, this song SLAPS. I listened to it on loop on NYE. I put on my make up, put on a fit, felt attractive, felt happy, and literally did nothing. As soon as I go on dates/go for drinks again this will be my go to get ready song.

Xo,

Botch

PANIC ATTACK.

I wrote a poem called "Panic Attack" that I wrote after a couple of panic attacks. Sometimes they hit due to past trauma, sometimes they're because I can't get ready at a speed that I'd like to, sometimes they're because I'm not sure if I said the wrong word in a conversation last month, sometimes I can't identify a trigger at all. You never know what you're going to get with mental health, but I am thankful that sometimes I can put enough words together in some sort of sloppy rhyme thing and it generally makes me feel a bit better.

Xo,
Botch

TIME SLOW.

Some people will remember your birthday, some people won't. Some people will remember your birthday and they still won't wish you a happy birthday, and that's something the heart remembers.

Happy birthday, to me.