SORRY DARLIN' DEARLY DEPARTED THE BELLS.

I HATE COVID. I hate it so much. I hate being trapped, not being able to see anyone. Seeing the casualties. I hate house shopping during a pandemic. I miss my friends. I also have no desire to go anywhere or be with anyone at all. It is a strange, strange fight.

I'm loving myself while hating myself. I've put in time to art projects and writing and definitely feel like I truly am kicking ass a lot of days. I'm inspired by fashion and music blogs, videos and the creativity that artists have poured into the world this year.

I spent a lot of my life crying over heartbreak. I just love to love! I've been cheated on in every single relationship I've been in. I've chased my exes after they've been in new relationships because I believed them when they told me I still held the top spot. I've been a dumb naive girl who believes. Why did I ever.. how could I ever.. do that to myself? I'm still not healed from past traumas. I hold trauma deep down and sometimes it bubbles over.

I'm making a difference. I know that my community work may sometimes feel small and that sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough. I run out of time and can't keep up with all commitments, but in the end.. I know I am making a difference, and my workload is actually ridiculous. I know the work I do is needed and I represent change. I won the Citizenship Excellence award when I was 8 years old, we can ONLY go up from there. I HAVE to keep this up for as long as my life lasts.

I'm sad realizing I'm losing my dogs. I'm sad when they're sick, when they're in pain. I'm sad to have two family members face major surgeries and so much death. The clouds are haunting.

I'm still hopeful. Still hopeful. That there is a glimmer of light and love, and those glimmers belong to me. I will bask in the sunshine and smile. I will dance in the kitchen. I will overcome sad days and bounce around shining bright, reminding everyone how happy I can be, how happy life can be. I will go to live shows and dance to my favorite djs, my favorite artists, with my biggest loves. I'm in love with love. I'm in love with music. This playlist is all of that, a true, tired testament of December. I hope you find a song you like. Cheers, darlin'

Xo,
Botch