BEE. ARE. BEE.

i live for dark skin, oceans and no allergies.
& right now i am living for me.

so hold on a second.. just one second..!

I AM SO MOTHERFUCKING TIRED RIGHT NOW..

but who cares..! who cares right!! cause i get to see all of the above in a few hours.. let's get buck.

IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME.

did he call? dammit he didn't. i hate him. he's the worst ever. he's an asshole. fuck him. i don't care if he ever calls me again! my phone's ringing.. maybe it's him! ..dammit it's not. i should call.. just to say good-bye. for the last time.

you throw out all pictures. you blast your speakers til they bleed. you cry your soul out of your body til your throat feels like it's going to burst open.

get ready.. because this entry is going to be going through leaps and bounds of randomness and improper structure.

i've been through one too many break ups. & since it's break up season, i thought i'd cover it. i'm not currently going through a break up, i love my boyfriend.. but i can certainly speak from experience.. so here goes it. i seem to have the same routine with every break up.. as much as i say i hate the asshole that tore my heart to shreds, i check my cell phone every five minutes. i check my email. i re-visit old letters, pictures, and songs.. i go over our last meet.. & sometimes i even go back. & i don't even know what i think when i do it.. for instance.. we'll call him paul. paul and i broke up.. and after two weeks of not talking.. he called me. i watched as my phone rang once.. twice.. three times before i answered. in that time lapse i debated with myself between two thoughts "holy shit, he's calling me" and "should i answer?!".. well.. i answered. & after the whole "how are you holding up" conversation, i put on my best tough girl talk. you know the deal "okay, well i don't wanna talk to you anymore, bye".. but that was no use. i ended up going to see him anyway.
one of the hardest parts about a break up is just that.. the break up. the getting away. break ups don't take a day. they don't take a week. they take awhile. it takes more than just saying "fuck it, we're done". it takes deleting phone contacts, it takes ignoring text messages, it takes avoiding contact, by any means necessary.. and no matter how much you know that's true.. you end up ignoring all right.. and falling back in.

all of my past break ups have been replaced by a rebound. fuck me, that sounds horrible.. but i'm not trying to look like perfection, so fuck it.. let's get real. i make things easier for myself, by grabbing someone else's hand.. which didn't always work out for me. boys are sneaky. they are fucking tricks. no matter how hard you may seem, during a break up, boys can read that shit. it's safe to say that none of my rebounds lasted more than two months.. and that's of no fault than my own. juzz mine. i'm a stupid little girl who replaces emotions with emotions. it's much easier to throw a hoodie over your shirt than clean out the ink stain.. and that's what i do.
.. and once the rebound's gone.. my phone rings.. and i think "holy shit, he's calling me".. and i answer./
i think all girls love attention.. whether that be good or bad.. every dude that's liked me in the past, i've wanted them to keep on liking me. i like that feel of attention. feeling special is addicting.. you hold on to it because that feeling of flaws and imperfections leaves you.. because hey, one person, sees the good shit. so when he doesn't call.. you get worried. am i flawed?
from all relationships i've learned something. sometimes things repeated themselves, sometimes i learned something new. i've grown up a lot.. and i continue to grow every day. i always believe in education through life. relationships are considered phD's in my books.
.. but even with all the growing i've been doing. it's still hard to break away. to make that decision.. is it the right decision?! is a break up crossing the line?! maybe if you did more of this, and i did more of this.. can we work it out?! or are we really quits?! and when does this quitting become final?! cause my phone just rang..

so.. my question to you today is this..

IS THERE SUCH A THING AS AN EASY BREAK-UP?

AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!

i am dying. i have not had a craving this bad in forever.. and if i do not get a cupcake soon, i .. just might.. stab someone. i ate cupcakes today, but the fix wasn't enough. i just spent the past half hour grazing through the yellow pages trying to find somewhere to cure my fix.. but alas.. everything is closed.. all i keep thinking about is different flavored icings and bites that would fill my tummy with joy and rainbows and dreams and arghhhh! red velvet.. peanut butter.. strawberry.. i'm going nuts!!! mother fucker someone get me a cot damn cupcake!!

i fucking need a cupcake.. actually fuck just one cupcake.. i want 40. right now. help~!!!!!

i'm fat.

.. and now.. to make everyone else feel the way i do by showing you pictures of cupcakes that you cant have either!!!!







































it's like porn, but for fat people.

THE ENDANGERED LYRICIST

RAS KASS - THE ENDANGERED LYRICIST

i have to be in a certain mood for ras kass.. that "ungh grimey" type mood. he's lucky, he caught me on a good day. this mixtape is a little different.. it's almost something along the lines of a greatest hits type deal.. it covers some of his best work.. which is something to get excited about. he's coming out with a new album soon.. unfortunately, i have no idea when, some time in spring.. but this does get me excited for the debut. i've been doing old mixtapes for the most part.. but i decided to do one that's kind of almost new because i saw pharoahe monch and joell ortiz on the track list.. and i'm seeing both of those dudes tomorrow!!
i started liking ras kass after hearing ordo abchao.. he had this line that went "the planet revolves, supposedly, man evolves.. but no problem is solved, cause man is the cause". if that shit doesn't hit you in the head, i dunno what will. after that, ras kass was officially good in my books.. however, that's not to say i listened to him daily.. i don't listen to him enough, and he deserves some light, so let's give him some.. with a title like "endangered lyricist", it's sure to grab a heads attention.
i'm not even sure if i wanna write about it.. i kind of feel like you should stop reading and just go download it right now. i'm streaming it cuz my boyfriend's playing madden.. so i can't tell what track's what, but i can tell you it's fucking dope..! i even dug up a download link for you. you're welcome. 4/5, it would've been higher, but soul on ice isn't on there.. and i really dislike amerikkka me.. go ahead and hate bitches, i fucking hate that song.. it's a thorough mixtape.. and it really gets you amped about kass again. go. grab it. go. now.

CLICK

1. Waterproofus Emceeus (intro)
2. On Earth as It Is...
3. Whut Part of the Game?
4. Wake Up Show Anthem (1994) - easily my favorite song on the tape, let the head bobbing begin!
5. Frost
6. Sonset
7. Amerikkka Me - eh!
8. Remain Anonymous - gotta love that method man and slick rick sample!! fuck yeah bitch.
9. 125 Part 3 (Connections) "ufc on spike tv" made me lol.. "i'm on the death bed, wrote this on the bed spread.." me likey.
10. ADIDAS (interlude) - here, he just lets you know that adidas is dropping soon.. and he says who's on it.. and the list is fire.. chuck d, rza, jean grae, alchemist.. wow wow wow.. get antsy.
11. C What I C
12. B.I.B.L.E. - "church" and "bitches" in the same sentence?! interesting.
13. Won't Catch Me Runnin - LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEEE!!!! his cadence is so smooth.. let that good hip hop flow through you! from 1995.. this track goes hard! it's just so refreshing.
14. Happiness - this hook is annoying as fuck.. but the message is one to catch, so you end up listening.
15. Ebonic Plague
16. Come Widdit
17. TV Guide
18. The End

i swear, if anyone dares to mention the game, i'll shake my fist hard at you.

HELLLO EVERYBODY..

REPORTING LIVE FROM SOMEWHERE..

so i have no money and can't work, which means no money.. i'm itchy as fuck and poor as fuck.. and life basically sucks!! but on the bright side.. i've received a lot of questions for syntifik sunday, so thanks people! AND HEY! happy birthday maribeth!! anyway, here's what you asked me this week..

SYNTIFIK SUNDAY

What's your favorite type of flower?
i like all flowers!! but i really enjoy spidermums! and lilys! and roses!

Would you rather work at a large company or a small one?
LARGE! i would love to work for married to the mob.. that's a high dream.. but i would love it.

do you like turtles?
of course!! who doesnt like turtles?!

What's your nationality? Religion?
i'm half white (french, ukrainian), and half filipino.. & i'm catholic.. but not one of those "go to church every sunday" type catholics.. i believe in god though.

What's the best place near you to get some ice cream?
laura secord! what do you know about that superkid ice cream!!

where did you meet your boyfriend?
the boyfriend eh?! i came to toronto for school and that's where i met him.. more specific?! downtown toronto, pemrboke and dundas.. and he asked me to go to hip hop karaoke with him.. i said yes.. and from then on there we were an item!

What was your favorite year?
2005.. and 1994.

Would you rather be a famous musician or a famous actor?
musician because then i'd get the whole stage thing. i love energy and i think that hearing a crowd loving what you think would be so fucking dope.

Who's your favorite musician?
NAS!!!!!!!!!

Would you rather get up early or sleep late?
i LOVE getting up early, but only if i don't have to. i hate alarm clocks! but i really do enjoy getting an early day, as long as it's on my own time..!

If you could ask Barack Obama one question what would it be?
spare change?

Why do you hate malls so much?
a whole bunch of reasons.. i don't like how typically you have to "dress up" to go to the mall. i don't like how you get stared at if you're not fashionable. i don't like being smothered by a whole slur of people. i don't like how all clothes look the same, and cheap pieces of material cost an arm and a leg. i don't like how if i buy something from a mall, i'll look like everybody else. i try and stray away from the "typical" look. i wear things that don't match, look silly or just don't work because i enjoy things that i feel good in.. and for me, those pieces can rarely ever be found in a mall.

Where's your favorite place to buy clothes?
anywhere that's not in a mall.

can't wait to answer more questions next week.. thanks again for the interest!

ASK ME ANYTHING!