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I thought about writing you a letter. I then decided I shouldn't. Perhaps, later.. when I've better organized my feelings and words. Here I am though, writing a post on you, which might be worse.
I can think of so many reasons why you've decided to fully cut me out of your life. I don't understand WHY you did though. Does that make sense?! I hope it does, at least, to you.
I view this as the end. I don't want to say the end of "us", because we aren't an "us", but we certainly are an end. This hits me in a bunch of different ways, but the strongest of the many is, "fuck you". I fucking gave you an entire part of me that I will never, ever, get back. I gave you my words. I gave you the things that I hold in the darkest of closets, because I felt that YOU, of all the fucking people in this entire world.. never judged me. For some reason, I trusted every single thought with you. I trusted you with my soul.
That morning. That one fucking morning.. was one of the roughest fucking mornings of my life. I HAD NO ONE. I had absolutely no one. AND I FIGURED, I FIGURED, that I could count on you. If not for a place to stay, for a fucking word of reassurance. For simple sentences and maybe a laugh? Instead you made me feel awful about every single thing I was doing. You made me feel like my decisions were poor and wrong, and maybe they were, but when I was looking for just one place to go where I wouldn't get shit on, I didn't expect you to make me feel so small. You always told me you held me up so high. I didn't expect you to treat me like I ruined your life. I expected you to be a fucking friend, because you've always been that.
So. When that didn't happen.. I couldn't rely on you. I couldn't rely on anybody but myself.
I never tried to hurt you. I fully stood by you when people told me to drop you. I fully talked good about you when people told me you were shit. And then you decide you don't want me to be a part of your life, because of something that YOU did. I mean really, that's truth right?! You're making me look like a bad person for doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to you, because you just wish things between us were the way they were four years ago. I'm sorry, they're not.
And I'm sorry that we will never speak again. I'm sorry that we're ending on a terrible note. I'm sorry that we can't be friends. I'm sorry you're going to read this and question if it's you, realize it is you, and then hate me more. I'm sorry that if you ever choose to call me back, I'm going to hang up. I'm sorry that such a nice fucking dude, turned out to be a fucking asshole.
Get over yourself, you fucking prick. BYE!
When you put something on the internet, you're fully putting your entire self out there. I knew that when I started blogging nine years ago. I KNOW my stories, my words, my life, is here. It's right here. I understand, that with that, comes hate. I understand that people will rag on me with their opinions, their experiences, and their differences. I've never doubted that these types of things would follow my words. It's expected. It's not just ME who makes up me. Every single person I have ever met has contributed to build the person I have become. Both good attributes and bad.. and it is only MY decision to take those things and apply them in an honorable manner that helps me to grow.
Sorry ass comments and mail are always coming in. Some days more than others, and I'm sorry I don't respond to every single one. I know you all want my attention so bad, but y'all say the same shit over and over again, it's almost physically impossible to write the same response over and over. I mean, I suppose I could copy and paste this for every bad thing said to me. Ha.
IN ALL HONESTY THOUGH, if you hated me so much, you wouldn't be here every day. You're kind of addicted. So I think it's time you re-evaluate yourself and your bull shit words before you type something to me.
Aw, did I hit a nerve?
Xoxo, and of course, fuck you.
So today I went to Winners with E, and she spent about $250 in there. I spent zero, just wasn't feeling the shwag today. Upon leaving, "security" comes up to me and says, "I'm sorry, but can you give us back the merchandise you stole?" and I'm like.. "What?!". "The socks that you're hiding in your jacket". Socks? In my jacket?! So immediately I say, "This, this? This right here, is my wallet, I didn't bring a bag". Then they say, "No. The socks you stole".
Getting angry at this point because 1, I have NEVER shop-lifted in my entire life, and 2, you can clearly see how much money we spent, we don't need to steal no fucking socks. SO THEN, one of the guy says to me, "We have the tag you ripped off and we have you on camera, it's what the video shows. So, to make this easier, just give us the merchandise and there won't be any trouble". So I take off my jacket, take off my sweater, in the middle of a fucking parking lot and I say how I clearly don't have them, and that they're fucking psycho, and they keep showing me this tag that I have never seen before trying to prove to me that I stole.. So THEN they say "Listen, we don't want to have trouble here, you need to stop causing a scene, otherwise we'll have to get further authorities involved". So I say something like, "I have $500 in cash in my wallet right now, my sister's a fucking cop, so if you want to go ahead and call the fucking cops, I can go ahead and do that for you. I don't know why the fuck you keep showing me this fucking tag like it's going to make me confess I stole something, if you want me to take off more clothes we can go ahead and do that in the parking lot". Then the first guy who was saying nothing but kept showing me this stupid tag was all, "Okay, sorry for the mistake bye".
Listen here you bunch of fucking fucks. A $5 pair of socks is nothing, and EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOTHING, I surely think you would be absolutely positive before you accuse someone of stealing. I vouche to NEVER feed you business AGAIN, which is a shame for you because I was a frequent customer. I spent $100 at another winners before hand. AND, if you wanna fucking come and ask me to calm down after I'm mad at YOU for being WRONG, you can go ahead and suck some dick. You gonna try and make me look like a fucking hoodrat in the middle of a parking lot?! Fuck you. I have more money in my bank account than the both of you combined I'm sure. & to accuse me with nervousness in the voice and say you're gonna call the cops on me, shows me that you're a fucking pussy who isn't sure what the fuck you're talking about. Get your facts straight before addressing an innocent person. Shop again? Never. You fuckin' pricks.
