FOUR TET - BABY

WELP.. Four Tet has done it again! Consistency, people.. it's what the music world NEEDS! I can almost smell summer between these popping bubbly beats and soothing vocals.

Bravo, Four Tet!

I'M ADDICTED TO TIKTOK.

It's a problem.

I spent the last week on "holidays". The quotation marks are because I actually worked for most of it. I helped organize a fundraiser, I worked a fundraiser, I volunteered in teaching kids how to write and mail letters, I built things, I crafted, I helped paint props for a show, and I wrote. I have not been able to sit still for very long since I was a child. I grew up watching my mom and dad work long hours, 6-7 days a week, 12-24hr shifts.. THAT ISN'T AN EXAGGERATION. They really worked that. However, I also saw them get glam and party every weekend. They were business owners and often attended large fundraisers or award shows. Well.. the apple doesn't fall very far..

However, my mom and dad always took one day a week, and set a slot of time, anywhere between an hour to ten hours.. and they STOPPED. They probably collapsed from exhaustion.. but they either sat by the pool, napped, or had a drink to themselves.. and during that time, we weren't allowed to talk to them. It was theirs, so leave 'em alone.

Well during one day of my vacation, I SKIPPED EVERYTHING. I stayed in bed and watched TikToks for legitmately 6 hours. I.. I don't even know what to say. I can't stop. In discussing TikToks, my brother said something like, "How can you watch other people?! Yuck!".

I mean, I guess.. So if you're in my close circle, I apologize for all the TikToks I send you, but I can't stop, and I likely won't stop because all of this shit is comedic GOLD. I need to make a blog post of my fave TikToks one day.. however, here's one til that day comes (if ever :P)..

I DEDICATE THIS TO THE PEOPLE

who have stopped in once a year.. Hey, how's it going?! We have a few things in common?
Someone told me yesterday that I need to prioritize scheduling time for writing.
It pissed me off. Actually, it put me into a full blown meltdown.
WHO AM I?! WHAT AM I DOING?! HAVE I EVER DONE ANYTHING?! WHERE AM I GOING?!

I can't pinpoint the reason, but the reason is probably because I'm stressed out, busting my butt, hustling like crazy, that I felt attacked.
So I cried for hours, questioned my existence, and again.. floated to a space right above my body, watching this sad girl try to figure out what her mind was trying to tell her.

I'm at a very weird point in my life where I'm trying to identify myself, for myself. Except, I feel like I never have the time to do so.. and making time just seems so, MINE. I wanna do whatever the fuck I want, when I want, and having someone tell me what to do, feels wrong.. BUT, am I running out of time? Is this actually a warning?!

Every once in a while, I come back here and I tell you, this time it'll be different. I'll post more. I'm back to blog. Let's do this.

Would you believe me if I said it now?



Play this song if you wanna feel things.

When morning comes again
I have the loneliness you left me
Each day drags by
Until finally my time descends on me
I go to sleep, sleep

I'll post more.

Xo

Tim Engelhardt & Forrest - Eyes Closed (Tim Green Remix)

How many times did you guys cry today?! I've only cried once, but the day is still young.

Chose this as my sob in the stairwell soundtrack for a good old Wednesday.

Enjoy, or don't, whatever. I did/didn't.

Love you, bye.

Maxxi Soundsystem - Near Me feat. Danielle Moore (Club Mix) (Futureboogie)

This ho slaps.

SLAPS.

K back to crying, see y'all on the darkside.

vermillion

I know you've been here so long you're really starting to get down
So much you wanted to hide yourself from being found
Crouch down on the desert floor if you're as plastered to the ground
You're used to being all by yourself and safe and sound

I know you've heard it before but soon the sun is gonna rise
You thought you were gonna die before blood orange skies
So sick of moving your body to a well polished life
Well, I got something to move ya

Holding on, to what's gone
Glance at the horizon, you're in your
Vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion
Bathe on your back, the scarlet washes away scars
And lets your darkness disappear beneath the stars
Follow the hollow inside you, deciding who you are
The sky is nearing vermillion, with nod to fire

Holding on, to what's gone
Glance at the horizon
You're in your
Vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion
Holding on, to what's gone
Glance at the horizon, you're in your
Vermillion, vermillion, vermillion, vermillion