Just had my daily Covid cry. Keeping up with the demands this disease demands is exhausting and my heart is breaking today. I don't know who to .. what to .. I don't know. Everything is so hard! And obviously I'm going to do it, I'm going to shower after I'm working on units with Covid, I'll wash my hands over and over even though they're cut from dryness and hard work.. and wear my mask.. and stay home and continue to not see ANYONE.. but I'm lonely and miss being a cuddle puddle with my friends. I'm sad for all of the patients who haven't seen anyone, or left the same four walls in A YEAR.. I'm sad for all the staff who beg me for things I can't give them. I'm in pain from the thought of people facing financial burdens that they can't dig themselves out of.. and it's all just.. a lot, isn't it?
Ugh. I made a bad bi/otch playlist. I purposely made this playlist for when I was feeling down so I could escape to happy land through some tunes. I'll post it in the next post. Xx.
I've been putting a lot of time focusing on my self. My growth, my finances, my new space. As all these things have come to me, it's only now that I'm finally starting to realize that I've somewhat neglected allocating my time toward other things that fulfill my life.
How are you, really?
What are three things that have inspired you this month?
What were the bad/good things that happened today?
What do you need right now that you aren't communicating?
Can I help you?
These are a few questions that I'm approaching the world with today. A friend of mine is currently going through a traumatic experience that made me realize how quickly you could lose someone, especially during all of Covid. I've been there. This shit is hard. I hope I can offer some peace and some love, since I've been going through a complete turn around of a year, I'm in a good place to have conversations right now.
I hope if you're reading this, you know that you mean something to me. Whether we know each other, or not. If we don't, you took the time to visit me, to read my words. That is the entire world to me! I've always wanted to connect to just one person, and my heart soars knowing that it might be *you*. So thank you, you've shaped me.
If we do know each other, hi. I hope you're happy, I hope you're well. I'm not always around, but I'd like to chat when you're free. Message me.
I love you, and hope you saw a cute dog today.
Xo,
Botch
I just looked out the window…
Oh the sun arrives and out the gaff I go
Something ain’t right but I can’t lose my soul
Imma bend my limbs in here before I go home
I'm approaching that moment in the pandemic, I'm refusing to break but I'm annoyed with people not taking Covid seriously. I'm about a week away from my second shot and after that I will be completely vaccinated. The outbreak looked like it was going to be declared over at least where I work, but just a day shy from being declared over, we have a brand new positive case. I don't wanna Covid anymore. 6 days on, 1 day off. 10-14hr shifts to try and keep up with Miss Rona's demands.
I do find it crazy that I went a whole year without getting as much as a mild cold. Mind you, along with everyone being less disgusting, I have been eating well, taking vitamins and even exercising (ew).
Music and my dogs are keeping me sane. I sleep with two travel pillows on my ribs and pretend they're you. I tuck a pillow under my back and then my life doesn't feel so lonely. Sometimes my dogs snore and it gives me tiny happy boosts. I gave them both baths recently and breathing in those two after a fresh wash is like eating cotton candy at the fair. Bliss.
I hate seeing people visit others because "it's only one person" or "they're in my bubble", because that is NEVER the case. Plus I get really jealous that I'm sitting here like a dumbo, staying home, not seeing anyone aside from my colleagues. I haven't hugged my mom in a year.. but why am I doing this when everyone else is giving themselves a pass? Seems a bit silly. I miss my friends. I miss beers. I miss dancing. I miss kissing. I miss travel. Please stay home so we can all do these things again. Love to you.
Xo,
Botch
