WEIRD OR NOT SO WEIRD.

Sometimes I get really freaked out when I do something and someone says, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!". Oh, what? Was this, unacceptable?! It's not even that I'm un-comfortable with my weirdness. I'm a dignified weirdo. I completely appreciate my awkwardness. Although, sometimes, I wasn't even sure whatever the fuck I was doing was actually weird at all. So. I thought I'd compose a list of things that may or may not be weird to the average person.

1. GRILLED PB AND J SANDWICHES
A PB and J sandwich is already all sorts of great, but if you take it to a grilled level.. you win.

2. HANDS IN PANTS
I like to watch tv with my hands in my pants. Right in front of the crotch. I tend to always forget and do it in front of people who haven't seen me do it before. Then I instantly think "DAMMIT! I hope they don't think I'm doing the nasty down here. Be cool.", and slowly pull out.

3. MUSIC VIDEO TO REALITY
Every song that comes on anywhere instantly puts me in a music video. Or, hey, sometimes a movie. Sure you may not see the invisible cameras, but I am killing it right now.

4. SHOWER NOTHINGS
After shampoo, conditioner and soap deeds have been completed, I like to stand in my shower waterfall and do absolutely nothing. This lasts for at least two minutes.

5. CHEAT AT DRINKING GAMES
I pretend to chug, A LOT.

6. HOT SAUCE
On everything. Nearly. Fettuccine Alfredo comes in a close second, but my top pick is in a glass of warm milk, with honey.

7. MAKE UP LIFE STORIES
When I see someone out in public, my imagination generates these lifestyles for anyone passing me by. That dude in the red jacket comes home every day at 4pm and makes himself a ham sandwich. His kitchen has checkered tiling and he has a cat named "Mittens". He otherwise lives alone and does crossword puzzles at his two seater breakfast table. He hates the cold.. AND I GO ON AND ON IN MY HEAD.

8. PET SONGS
Actually any songs, everything becomes a song. If you happen to hear, "GONNA MAKE THIS SMOOTHIE, ESCO. LET'S GOOOO. GONNA SMOOTH IT UP, STRAWBERRIES IN THE CUP..".. yeah. I might just be around.

9. COMPOSE ELABORATE FIGHT PLANS
In case, you know.. a burglar breaks in. I'm in bed and ponder, "so, if a burglar came in right nowwww...". And, I'm set. I would use the hairspray to spray him in the eyes, bang him in the head with my picture frame and I'm free, baby.