Thursday, July 15, 2010



.. but fuck it, i'll jump. we had our little months. he took me through the 905, we had our little fun.. your dislikes, i did like. yeah i remember them nights.. went home thinking "man i don't do shit right". i'm damned if i stay & i'm damned if i leave ya.. you just wasn't ready, and i wasn't either.



he was the first hip hop head to ever impress me. i know. bold statement.. but it's true.
at the time i was seventeen. i wasn't really a bad kid, but i was no angel. i was having a rough time trying to place myself into .. what i wanted to be. i was struggling with who i was, and my actions helped me none. i was partying like a fucking rock star. i went out literally every fucking night and just got wasted. wait what?! have things even changed?! hahaha. basically i was getting my heart broken, and this dude was there for me. & for the sake of story-telling, we'll call him.. cam (dipset!).
anyway.. it started out as him being a really good friend. we would talk on the phone fooooorrr houuurrs. literally hours, about hip hop and weekends.. and about five months deep, AS FRIENDS..
the very first day we hung out, was AWKWARD AS SHIT. we met at harvey's on gerrard street.. and i was hungry.. so i got in line to buy food.. as i'm standing in line, my wallet breaks.. AND ALL THIS CHANGE FALLS OUT.. literally like $5.00 worth of coins all over the fucking place.. and i'm like "fuck. really?". it was embarrassing as shit, but that didn't stop cam from asking me to be his girlfriend.
literally almost everyone we knew was against us being together, at least, that's what he told me.. and i could kind of understand why seeing as i kind of ..some what.. had a thing with his cousin jim (which you can re-visit HERE).. whatever, so people hated us. i didn't give a fuck. i was into him, and he was into me, that's all that mattered at the time.
we had a good four month run. we laughed at each other's jokes. i got him into sneakers. we had endless hip hop debates (A WHOLE HOUR ON KRS-ONE! you remember that shit!?).. and it was an over-all good time. he was even the first dude i ever admitted to dating. i told my mom. i was like "i'm dating cam, mom".. and she was all "yeah cool. don't get pregnant". LOL.
i was in toronto (where he was from), without any money to my name, and no place to stay.. so i ended up staying at my friend's AUNTS house. i know. what? haha. it's what i had to do after blowing all my moms money. she refused to wire me more after i blew so much.. mostly on cigarettes and coke (the drink people, not the drug).. might i add. gross. there was a heatwave in toronto at this time, and our dorm room (where i was staying before maribeth's aunts') didn't have air conditioning.. maribeth and i would take turns hanging out in the freezer.. LOL. anyway, i was staying there, and he would make the 2 hour mission every morning to come and hang out with me and my friends aunt, who basically became our aunt, made us breakfast EVERY MORNING. every morning, when i woke up.. there would be two places set, one for me, one for cam.
we did all the typical teenage love gay type relationship shit. one day we were outside on the stoop of our aunts apartment while i was having a smoke.. i made him try smoking and he did. we made out and some four year old yelled at us "get a room!!" and cam was all "HEY!! come back here!" hahaha.. we had some classic moments.. i got this dude DRUNK for the first time. i made him skip work for the first time. he bought cigarettes for me! i wasn't legal in toronto, he was lol.. i was the bad influence in his life, and for some reason.. that worked.
.. and then.. then i came back to winnipeg.. figuring maybe it could still work.. so i was staying at my mom & stepdad's house, and we were on the phone.. and here's what happened:
cam: .. i love you.
botch: what?
cam: .. i do though!
botch: don't say that
cam: hold on a second.
AND HE COVERS THE PHONE OKAY.. as he answers his cell phone, all i hear is "yeah i'm kinda busy right now.. i'll call you before i go to sleep though.. yeah baby, i'm not doing anything! don't worry. i'll call you later. love you too".
botch: where'd you go?
cam: oh my mom just asked me to help her with something right quick.
botch: oh yeah?! who called your cell phone?!
cam: ... what?
botch: BYE. *hang up.*
and he kept calling. he called like 10 times, and my cell phone was dead, so he was calling my step dad's.. at like 2 in the morning okay. i had to leave the phone off the hook so the ringing wouldn't wake them up.. I WAS INFURIATED, and broken. i cried myself to sleep on a couch. there i was. i was broke, so many people hated me, i was sleeping on a fucking couch, crying my ass off thinking "this mother fucker".
that was enough man. thoughts of going back to toronto went to shit after that. how you gonna tell me you love me for the first time while you're still with your fucking girlfriend?! i was fucking HEARTBROKEN. he was the first dude to ever cheat on me. i'd blast slow jams all day and just write journal entries of how much it hurt. i'd bash him all day and i partied to the extreme. i went through a straight rage period. i didn't talk to him for like a year after that.. i couldn't. all of our conversations would just be one of us yelling at each other, or one of us hanging up.
even when we did start talking again he would never admit to it.. it wasn't until he did admit to it that we finally became good again.. not great, good. we're friends now.. and in between the years that passed, we've had one too many conversations of "should we give it another shot?".
to this day, i still don't know the whole truth. i mean i do, but i don't know the details.. and i don't plan on finding out. it's over, it's done. the whole situation was just two kids being kids, but we're older now.. and it's nice to actually be in a good place.. because it took us a LONG fucking time to get here. he still pisses me off some times, and i'm sure i still piss him off.. but i'll never regret cam, i wear his dog-tags from time to time to remind me.. at one point, we really had one hell of a time. cheers to you and screw faces.