GOODBYES.

An acquaintance passed away this week.. which is CRAZY to me, because we were literally snapchatting each other last week. Over quarantine we had been talking quite a bit, sharing recipes and memes. And just like that, a young man in his 30s, no longer on this planet. I've been thinking a lot about death lately and how one day I will just stop existing. I look at my current life and wonder if it was enough. Did I do enough? Did I say enough? Have I loved enough?

I work extremely hard, have I appropriated enough time to friends, to family, to love? Have I listened? I love you, and this I know. I love to love, I'm just not good at it. I have so much love to give, I want to wrap it around you, two, three, four times, just so when a sad day breaks through the first layer, you still have three layers of love to remind you how much you are loved. I want to scream to the highest of heavens and tell you, and you, and you, that you are loved further than my arms can stretch, and I can only stretch my arms out this wide but the space is reserved for you should you want to stay.

I would like to listen more. I would like to be attentive and I want you to speak freely, not judged, for as long as you care to speak. I want you to tell me every single thing.

There's so much of everything, isn't there?

I did not know this young man that well, I can only say we were growing closer over the past few months and that we were on our way to developing what seemed like what could have been a wonderful friendship. I will make one of the recipes he sent me and reflect on his existence. He seemed to really live.