Sunday, May 31, 2020

GOODBYES.

An acquaintance passed away this week.. which is CRAZY to me, because we were literally snapchatting each other last week. Over quarantine we had been talking quite a bit, sharing recipes and memes. And just like that, a young man in his 30s, no longer on this planet. I've been thinking a lot about death lately and how one day I will just stop existing. I look at my current life and wonder if it was enough. Did I do enough? Did I say enough? Have I loved enough?

I work extremely hard, have I appropriated enough time to friends, to family, to love? Have I listened? I love you, and this I know. I love to love, I'm just not good at it. I have so much love to give, I want to wrap it around you, two, three, four times, just so when a sad day breaks through the first layer, you still have three layers of love to remind you how much you are loved. I want to scream to the highest of heavens and tell you, and you, and you, that you are loved further than my arms can stretch, and I can only stretch my arms out this wide but the space is reserved for you should you want to stay.

I would like to listen more. I would like to be attentive and I want you to speak freely, not judged, for as long as you care to speak. I want you to tell me every single thing.

There's so much of everything, isn't there?

I did not know this young man that well, I can only say we were growing closer over the past few months and that we were on our way to developing what seemed like what could have been a wonderful friendship. I will make one of the recipes he sent me and reflect on his existence. He seemed to really live.

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