IT'S BEEN AWHILE..

The wine and beer are starting to sink in and so are my emotions. I forgot my purse. Dammit! I'm about to get my sleep on to my fullest potential, but before I do.. Lemme just say tonight was all sorts of.. Well, it held a lot of crying, but a slight tug on the rope of moving forward. I just needed that seven minutes of silence and a cigarette to myself. Crying til you can barely breathe really lets you reflect on what's important.

I love my cousin, a lot. I love my entire family, a lot. I'm really fucking stupid annoyingly bummed that I don't get to see one on the daily. That fucking sucks. Especially with the fact, that I saw him so much it made me sick sometimes. I'd give anything for one more day. I can't get that. So now.. with all of that being pushed into reality, I am going to say this.. I am so thankful for what I have. And I'll hold the simplest moments closer for the rest of my life.

So, fuck.
Fuck the booze that's been making me make poor decisions, and falls to the ground. Fuck the people asking me what happened. Fuck not having a cell phone. Fuck Tyler Durden. Fuck ex-boyfriends trying to contact me. Fuck all of that.
I have more than what I need, and although he isn't here, I am going to make sure that I live the rest of my life as if he is. Even better, I'm going to live a portion of it for him. CHIN UP. TEARS WIPED.

I have the illest family on the fucking block, son.
Thank you. I love you. Goodnight.