DEAR LOVE,

I give up.

GOODBYES.

An acquaintance passed away this week.. which is CRAZY to me, because we were literally snapchatting each other last week. Over quarantine we had been talking quite a bit, sharing recipes and memes. And just like that, a young man in his 30s, no longer on this planet. I've been thinking a lot about death lately and how one day I will just stop existing. I look at my current life and wonder if it was enough. Did I do enough? Did I say enough? Have I loved enough?

I work extremely hard, have I appropriated enough time to friends, to family, to love? Have I listened? I love you, and this I know. I love to love, I'm just not good at it. I have so much love to give, I want to wrap it around you, two, three, four times, just so when a sad day breaks through the first layer, you still have three layers of love to remind you how much you are loved. I want to scream to the highest of heavens and tell you, and you, and you, that you are loved further than my arms can stretch, and I can only stretch my arms out this wide but the space is reserved for you should you want to stay.

I would like to listen more. I would like to be attentive and I want you to speak freely, not judged, for as long as you care to speak. I want you to tell me every single thing.

There's so much of everything, isn't there?

I did not know this young man that well, I can only say we were growing closer over the past few months and that we were on our way to developing what seemed like what could have been a wonderful friendship. I will make one of the recipes he sent me and reflect on his existence. He seemed to really live.

IT WAS GOOD UNTIL IT WASN'T.

A monthly playlist of everything I listened to in May. I actually listened to a lot of music this month and made time to curate this one. I hope it finds you well.



Xx

Would you like to go, like to go with me?

I spent my Tuesday night in urgent care. Nothing life threatening, when you work in healthcare, sometimes you get hit - hard. I got hit! And had to get treated, and it really sucked, and the doctors were really mean and no one wants to be with you because they're terrified of Covid and everything else. At least I got a day off?

Well, while in my mask, with a patient vomiting to my right, holding in my tears, I had this song playing over and over in my head.. and it really got me through the night. After leaving urgent care, I took a long walk, and even though I'm such a terribly sad girl, I'm thankful. For what I have, and what I've had.

Xx

It's so cruel what your mind can do for no reason.

Arlo Parks just cemented their way into my top poets with this gem. I felt this song on another level.

President of the sad girls club.

I have had people tell me, "fake it til you make it", and without a doubt, I often do. However, there are times when I feel like sharing this immaculate poem and asking, "Do you understand, now?"

Wishing you well.

Let my mind fall in, head to toe