Monday, June 10, 2013

REPAIRING.

My biggest fear is being so afraid of myself, I shut out what I really want.
My biggest downfall is letting moments infect my life.

What if everything I ever do, is wrong?
What if every right wasn't my right?

I want to be a nobody. Hiding in the corner, playing Nas in my head.
Shit. Other days, I'm terrified of being a nobody.
Where do you go from there?

Everyone wants to feel needed, loved. But what if I just want to be, "free".
Does being free go along with feeling needed?
Can we differentiate between the two? Sometimes certain sparks of both feelings feel the same.

Read. Laugh. Music. Dance. Cry. Write. Live.
The philosophy is simple, so why do we run away from it?!

Simplicity isn't fucking simple, man. It's fucking difficult.
I can't find a straight line.
This path is so jagged and winded that I've lost myself. Every time I think I'm back on path, I drop the compass.
I write metaphors when I try to find a deeper meaning in my existence.

Everyone wants a helping hand or thinks I'm fucking special.
I can't be both. Fuck, I'm nowhere near special.
I only make sensible choices like 25% of the year, the other 75% is pure fuck up.
I tell myself that I'm not wrong because I can't handle guilt, but I shouldn't be doing that. You shouldn't hide from mistakes, you should try not to do them. I'm not trying hard enough.
I want to be better, I want to grow. I want everyone's forgiveness or motivation, but I haven't done enough to deserve that.
The other side of my head is saying, "You're doing fine, Botch. Relax.".
It's not okay to do that.

Just be happy, wrong or not. What.

I need major repairs.

I don't want to be un-fixable.

4 COMMENT:

Arif Javedullah said...

hello, Been following you for a bit now. Love your taste in music. figured I should recommend one, I feel like i owe you. Tessellate - alt J (ellie goulding cover)

Arif Javedullah said...

hello, I've been following you for a minute. love your taste in music. I feel like i owe you. check out Tessellate - Alt J (ellie goulding cover)

syntifik said...

@arif: Ah! I love MajesticCasual:)
Ellie Goulding has such a wonderful voice. Thank you for the gift, I'm listening to it now and it's blaring through out my room in the best way possible. I'm about to post a track, stay tuned! Xo.

Arif Javedullah said...

fuck yeah majesticCasual!!!!