FIRST LOVE.

February 20th!

GOODBYES AND WELL WISHES.

It was the night before my birthday. A Tuesday. I was at dinner with some family and friends. A girl we all knew was grieving over an ex who passed away. It was our current discussion, as well as debate. One guy was saying how he didn't understand why she was upset, given the fact that they had broken up seven years ago. My argument was that it didn't matter. Time didn't matter. Every person that has ever come into your life, has made you, you. They helped to shape you, regardless of the amount of time that has passed, and regardless of how the relationship ended. That's when I said this, "If I were to ever find out, someone like, Matt, passed away.. although we didn't even date for that long, I'd still be upset." I don't know why I said it. I don't know why of all people, his name slipped out. It was that same night, I found out Matt was missing.
I flipped. I freaked. I tried to keep all emotions to a minimum, but finding that out after that dinner discussion was making my head crazy. I spent the next few days reading over old blog entries about him, watching videos of him, and hoping for the best. Then a few days later, the worst news came, he had been found, and he had passed.



I attended the funeral. I had to.. and it was absolutely beautiful. When his casket opened, I cried to the point of nearly vomiting and Lize had to hold me down. It was good-bye. It's rare that you expect goodbyes.. and this was completely unexpected, and in blatant form, sad. Sharon (although I don't know her) had a beautiful speech, everyone did. I'm sure he would've appreciated every second.

He was an amazing person who told me I always smelled like sharpies, was hilarious as fuck, took me for my first ever vietnamese meal, and had a lot of people who cared about him. You touched a lot of lives Matt, whether for short, or for your entire life.. and I'm so thankful that I had the opportunity to know you. Thank you for everything you've given me, and everything you've given to every person you knew. That's how he'll continue to grace other lives. By spreading his positivity through the people he knew.













Goodbye Matt, we'll miss you so much.

DURKA DURKA.

Hey Botch, remember when you used to blog?!
Yeah. Hold on a second.
I'm working on it!


Hustle. Hustle. Hustle, hard.

NOTE TO SELF.

STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP.STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP. STAY UP.

GET THE FUCK UP OFF MY BLOG, CONFUSIN ME WITH QUESTIONS, LIKE.. "DO YOU LOVE THIS SHIT? ARE YOU HIGH RIGHT NOW? DO YOU EVER GET NERVOUS? I HEARD YOU FUCKED THIS DUDE, IS IT TRUE? YOU GETTIN MONEY? YOU THINK THEM PEOPLE YOU WITH IS WITH YOU?!!????" AND I SAY..

HELL YEAH, HELL YEAH, HELL YEAH. FUCKIN RIGHT, FUCKIN RIGHT, ALRIGHT.

.....

Today
fucking
sucked.