THE LIST FULL OF WITHDRAWLS.

Waking up in the afternoon, going to sleep when people were grabbing breakfast, metro cards and subways, hip hop and ferries, skirts and lipstick, not giving a fuck, fancy dinners with martinis, 8th street, bleeker and thompson, the L train, wining, dining, shopping, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND most importantly.. Perla. SHE SAID IT BEST. We miss you too Perla, MORE THAN YOU KNOW. Fuck everyone else right now, Perla has stepped up to the plate and has easily become one of my best friends. Although we're currently in a long distance relationship, I am keeping her in my life forever because she is amazing, beautiful, and is down for whatever. I have never felt this way about a female before. YES HOMO!

I am going crazy without Alex. It's insane how warm this dude keeps me at night. Not to mention how you get to have sex whenever the fuck you want. AND HIS SMELL. Good god I miss his smell so fucking much.. the way he would smirk from across the table when we'd eat a meal together. Watching sports highlights and making out during commercials. Or even simpler things, like saying "Good morning!" or, "Have a good day at work!". OH. How simple things were. You really appreciate those tiny things when they're taken away.. How he holds my butt or boob when we sleep. How he's always willing to give up my favorite pillow for my comfort. When we'd brush our teeth together. When he'd watch me put on make up. Hearing his heartbeat. Driving myself fucking crazy. I need this man back in my life before I kills myself lol.

I feel like no one really gives a fuck anymore. I mean, I get it. Everyone's busy, has their own shit.. OR, they're happy with the way things are. They're happy with the same 'ol parties, the same 'ol shit, the same 'ol shit job.. I'M NOT. I can't live my life that way. I'm certainly one of the people who always took the slow, easy, route.. but I've also taken the time to say, there are things in life that you just gotta grab. In grade 8, I didn't have a ride home.. and got offered one from Maribeth. From then on, she grew to be my best friend. After high school, I randomly hung out with Bianca.. we became best friends. I flew to Toronto for an interview, and met my boyfriend. I wanted to go to New York, I met Perla, my second boyfriend.

The biggest risks in life bring you the greatest rewards. I'm not only going to continue to take them, but I'm going to take even more. I refuse to be one of the zombies acting like they're pleased with whatever. I'm not pleased living an ordinary life. After meeting such amazing people, I have learned that there is so much more out there for me, FOR US.. & I will continue to use my youth to explore the fuck out of it.

So.. Alex and Perla are currently my main goals in life.

Big shout out to anyone else who's feeding me awesome right now. I see you. (BONIBELLE!). It's times like these you really see who gives a fuck about you, and who you don't gotta call anymore. I'm just saying.. To everyone else, you can go suck it.

But for now, Kool Keith is first. Happy Tuesday.