Wednesday, November 27, 2013

RANDOM CHILDHOOD MEMORY #1:

I remember being sick a lot as a kid. I dunno if I was sick all the time, or if sick memories just stick out more because they're different than an ordinary day and have certain specifics about them. Anyway..

MEGA GROSS ALERT!!

It was winter, I had the flu. I was in the back seat of the family car. My mom in the passenger, my dad the driver, and my brother beside me. I wasn't feeling too sick; in the sense that I don't recall being too hot, or too stuffy, but I suddenly had the urge to vomit. Christmas music was blaring, and my mom and dad kept giving each other these glances and smiles during their conversation. Small chuckles and Christmas hit my ears but all I could hear was my mind saying "Don't puke!". Then. It came up.
It was small, and I didn't open my mouth. It was foamy type phlegm, and not a whole lot. I just, kept it there. Inside of my mouth. I knew I couldn't puke in the car and there wasn't a garbage can in sight, so I decided to wait until we got home.
The Christmas songs and laughter continued. I had this phlegm foam puke in my mouth and couldn't wait to spit it out. Then my dad asked, "Why are you so quiet?".
"Behcuase I Pahuked", I replied. I placed the puke foam at the back of my mouth to try and reply, anyway. The words came out like my mouth was stuffed with food, and the words muffled and foamy. That was enough. I swallowed, and answered again. "Because I puked."
"What?!", he asked.
"Because I puked", I replied casually.
"Well, where did you puke?"
"In my mouth. I swallowed it", another casual response.
"WHAT?! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO SWALLOW IT!"

Then my brother just laughed and laughed. I knew I had it in my mouth because I was being a good girl. You know, not puking all over the place, doing grown up deeds. After explanations from my parents telling me that it was okay for them to pull over if I had to puke, I realized, hey, it's cool. You're still being a grown up by letting the rents know you need to puke. And also, don't swallow it for some reason. Grown ups don't like that.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

THE STAGES OF MENSTURAL CYCLE FEELINGS.


THE WEEK BEFORE THE PERIOD:
Man, I'm seriously getting fat. Am I pregnant?!

FOUR DAYS-ISH BEFORE THE PERIOD:
OMFG I HATE EVERYTHING. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?! WHERE IS MY CAREER GOING?! That fucking girl just stared me down. Who does she think she is?! Nice skirt there, girl. Yeah, more like NOT-SKIRT. Haha. I'm hilarious. I'm so sad. I need to cry. *cries*. I'm not good enough for this world. WHY AM I SO FAT?!

TWO DAYS-ISH BEFORE THE PERIOD:
I have the weirdest craving for a grilled cheese with ice cream. I'M GOING TO EAT EVERYTHING, FUCKA GYM AND A DIET.

THE DAY OF THE PERIOD:
PRAAISE EVERYTHING I AM NOT PREGNANT!

THE SECOND DAY OF THE PERIOD:
Everything hurts. Why is my pelvis stabbing my stomach with a sword?! I'm going to bed and never leaving. My boobs. Oh geeze, my boobs. My boobs don't fit in my bra, that's great. Let's just let these weights of pain take over the day, great. Mega excite. Ugh. Hate you.

THE THIRD DAY OF THE PERIOD:
Pant check. Ok, phew I'm good. Did I take out my last tampon!? Shit. Did I?! Get your food away from me, it smells awful. So horny. Where is my water?! So thirsty. DAMN THESE SWORDS.

THE FOURTH-FIFTH-ISH DAY OF THE PERIOD:
Almost home baby, almost home.

EVERY OTHER DAY:
I hope I'm not pregnant.

Monday, November 25, 2013

BOYFRIENDS.



New fave song. Wow. This is super catchy. Jenna showcasing some talent. Geeze. I love her. And um, probably going to be singing this all day at work tomorrow since I literally just watched it for the fourth time.

BAOW.


This is so much better than the original. What was with the original anyway?! Dry hump city, lawd.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

CHLOE NORGAARD.



Hey Chloe, can we hang out?

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Tippi, vous sont les plus gentils, précieux petite fille.